I stopped writing for awhile
For I had started to forget
Forget what it was like to
Be left alone again.

After you had left I was abandoned
With my own thoughts I had to write
A love as pure as you is something I cannot find over night.

And for some time I was there
Stuck in desperation for a little more
Left to try and repair my body
My life stuck in a repetitious bore.

But slowly I pulled myself out
Finding serenity through friends
Peace of mind came quickly, easier
I found that my thoughts of you came to an end.

I participated, I went out
I let others hold me as you once did
And slowly I found life less lonesome
To open up and be happy again.

But once more you came back knocking
With hopes to drag me in
And in my foolish glee, I accepted
And I went spiraling down again.

I got caught up in speaking with you
Then forgot that it would soon end
For when you got what you had wanted
I was left alone to fend.

I'm quick to jump to conclusions:
Maybe I could get you back again
Or I could always turn and find it easiest
To stay laughing with my friends.

But we both know that I won't choose the latter
I'm weak and foolish to try to crawl back
But that never matters
*For I'm addicted to your attention
And I slip down at your suspension.

You love me.
Whats wrong with you?
You say it every time you hug me.
Why cant i say it ?
I'm afraid of it.
Why am afraid?
cause it could destroy me
if i were to obtain it.
Do I even contain it?
I don't believe I do
because if I were to
I'd love myself, and
you.
-*love

I can barely move
I can barely talk
I can't breathe when I'm this way
It's gotten worse
And it happens more often
I'm paralyzed in a nightmarish dream and I come out gasping
I smile in the beginnings
because it tries to pull me under and can't
But after a while it wins and pulls me under
I fight
I try to move, but all I get is a bit of shaking
And I try to talk or scream, but all I get is a short puffed out breath
I try to breathe more, but I hyperventilate
I half wake up from it to try to get free, but it pulls me under and smiles at me

Suffocation
The walls of culture are closing in
Ready to stifle the flame of imagination
They can't control it so it scares them
In that flicker is the possibility for a bonfire
That could burn down their fragile empire
It could illuminate the darkness
they have tried so hard to create
By surrounding us with the weight
Of daily monotony
They've instilled in us
A desire to fit into the social norm
A fear of any tangible form
Of creativity
They have made it foreign to us
To question
The boundaries formed to bind us
This is my rebellion

Into the darkness
I've gone...
and stayed...
for far
too long.

Into the light I've been,
and felt happiness...
deep within
my skin.

Now where do I stand?
Somewhere between,
with one,
in each hand.

Will I fall?
Will I stand tall?

Neither.

Limbo is where I sleep...live, DIE.
and stay...
until I find
a way
*to be me.

Her deception

Her lies

Her stare

Her eyes

The look...

Why do I still fall for your look?

It's because,

I want to believe you...

It's because...

I don't want to leave you.

The look...

She will watch my heart die.

The look...

Why won't you stop staring and help me?

Why?

everyone assumes the worst of me
my family and my friends
i hear all of the insults
and cry until it ends

i really do try sometimes
but really there's no point
they'll just assume the worst
so i just light another joint

they never try to see my side
they don't really care
but they're poisoning my soul
until there's nothing there

sure i've made a few mistakes
and then i get the blame for theirs
everything is my fault
is there anyone who cares?

i lay in bed whenever i'm home
just to stay away
my soul can take no more
not another day