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Out of body, out of touch
If I feel at all, then I feel too much
This poem is as shallow as my grave

But I'm still digging

If I want a God then I'll misbehave
If I want to be sad then I'll entertain
Just because I'm found
doesn't mean I'm around
Just because I'm growing up
Doesn't mean I can't be down

I'm sorry, mom and dad,
but if I want to be happy then I'll have to be sad
I'll write until my fingers bleed
Until my words are the blood that the readers need
two bolts of lightning
flash at the very same time
you streaking your way
and me streaking mine

for the briefest of moments
together we lit up the sky
then the whole world went dark
with no one left to ask why

that brilliant light is gone forever
all that’s left are cloudy skies
and your afterglow in the lonely dark
at night when I close my eyes
Over the course of my skirmish with sleeplessness
More has been learned than I care to admit.
Although frequently,
I am blinded by frustration.
Coupled with the vicious need to sleep
And lack of.
But I have learned.

I have learned to acknowledge
The transition of dark to day
A process
I often neglected to think of before.
It is easier, I have found,
To pick yourself up
From the depths of your mind
When you are stood side by side
With a sun rising so bright.

I have learned of change,
And its magnificence.
Not long ago it was one more thing to be shunned,
A curse.
I once feared the unknown and unexplored
Unaware of the ever-morphing cycle outside my window
Spanning each and every season of the year.

I have learned of time
And the abundance of it carelessly slept away
In the panic of eluding reality.

I have learned of every birdsong sang
outside the outer glass of my window
A single composition
that had once sounded like a clone
a carbon copy of those previously heard
now a sweet waking melody
it emerges from the dark.

I have learned of the quiet and stillness
That is essential to knowing oneself.
All distractions put to bed
My company is my own.
And in the absence of sleep,
I have made a friend in my self.
I've been suffering of terrible insomnia this past while, but there's been a lot of positives to this whole experience too. You learn a lot about yourself when you're bored off your bonnet in the middle of the night haha
He asked me what bothered me at night?
I told him I was haunted by nightmares.
He held me in his arms and said "It'll be alright,
I am here to make them all disappear."




*Last night I had a nightmare again
And your face was all I saw darling.
My dad dug his foot into my back like a shovel breaking soil.
If I do enough push ups, can I put a smile on your face.
If I move the earth for you, will meteors stop me.

I carried sparklers in my hands while cannon-kisses erupted in the sky,
and my cousin swore that I'd hurt myself.
But I explained to him that history repeats itself,
and that my hurt is unavoidable.

Like the hug of a grieving grandmother,
and the staring off into space,
as her tears stain my white oxford lie.
There's no way to get out of this place.
Finding new ways to live in death.

I don't want to be cool. I don't want to be cool.

And her fingers left a ******* on my back.
And my mouth melted onto hers.
I love her until my eyes **** in sleep.
And it's deep. And it's deep.

The swirl of the ceiling sank down
like a child being drowned by his mother.
And I missed my brother, and I missed it all.

I don't want to be cool. I don't want to be cool.
No, not anymore.
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