I was so proud of him. He asked me how my wrist was. Better, I replied, though I was lying. We reached the gate at the end of the trail. As each rider went passed, he called out their names and smiled. Four hours later he would take his last breath in that same spot. The ride was a tough one. Thirty-nine miles and up three mountains. After conquering the second, he looked tired, but heck we all were. We continued and laughed along the way. I got back ahead of the rest, and heard he had crashed and was at the hospital. I wasn't terribly concerned, this is mountain biking after all. It was later that afternoon I decided to ask a coach how he was. I got the reply I never thought I would. Denial surged through me. I ran out of the house to my "thinking spot". I screamed at the sky. I had so much anger inside and I wanted to be sure God heard me and what I thought about the greatest injustice I had ever witnessed. God took someone who brought so much joy to my life. Words cannot articulate the beauty of his personality. He would yell halfway across the school just to say hi to me. There's a full moon tonight and I know that it is shining like he is providing the light.

she                                                        
writes a list
of all the things
    she hates about herself
in just one word:

everything
                                             ­                    he
                                                 writes a list
                                          of all the things
                             he loves about her                  
                                       in just one word:

                                               *everything

Nothing can compare
To a soul as beautiful
as yours.

Not all of the stars
in the endless universes
towering above our reach.

Not every flower bursting
with a life so pure
beneath our feet.

Not a single golden ring
or a diamond or jewel
buried in the dirt.

Not even all of the love
gathered in every friend I've known
combined as one.

Not a single word
read in any book
taken from every library on this earth.

Not a song, nor a bird
A story, a kiss
A place, a jump
A lover, or a home.

Not one magnificence
I have ever laid eyes upon
Will ever compare to you.

I am jealous of your bed sheets, that gets to know what happened throughout your day
That gets to find out all your secrets at 3 in the morning
And gets to know who the real you is
I am jealous how it gets to listen to your heart beat every night before you go to sleep
Jealous how it gets to listen to all your favourite songs
How it's able to comfort you from the cold, because I wish my embrace could do that
I am jealous how it's able to wipe out all your tears from the bad days you've been having, because I wish I could take away your sadness for you
I am jealous how you look forward to be in your bed every night, because I wish I could be your home that you come to
I am jealous how it's always there for you, even if you didn't need it
Because I just hope that I could be there for you even if I didn't have to
But I can't because you won't let me be there
I am jealous how it brings you comfort & warmth
For how I wish I could be the one to comfort you
Jealous how it gets to tuck you in every night
And how it gets to sleep and be with you whenever you want to
Because I wish so bad to be with you whenever
Mostly I am jealous how it's where you want to be at most times, when you have your dark days
Because I just want you to come to me in the times where you're at your lowest
I am jealous how it knows all your stories, your strengths, weaknesses
Because I just want to be able to know them too
Jealous how it's the most comfortable place to be, because I wish to be your safe haven

I love your goofy smile
and the way your eyes hide behind your glasses when you're tired.

I love the deep rasp in your voice
and the small hairs that you let grow on the bottom of your chin.

I love your big belly laugh
and the way you talk about music like it saved your soul.  

I love the way you hold me in your muscled arms to say hello
like you never wanna let me go.

I love the way you look at me
like I'm the only other person in the room with you.

I hate that you pretend to have it together
when I know that you're just putting on some fake persona.

I hate the desperation and pain behind your green-checked eyes
and that only I can see that they are calling out for help.

I hate when it's mentioned
that you can get your fair share of girls without even trying.

I hate that I feel guilt
because you're the first and only I've noticed since I feel in love with him.

I hate that I don't know
if a fire started when we met for you like it did for me.

Flowers are growing
on my body where your hands
touched me last time.