chances
plans
aspirations
all leading to one goal

happiness
over a wingspan
finding a foundation over different situations

this is the future.

it was time to go. and head on home. just about evening the sun beginning to set and so we set ourselves on the road. the journey had begun. bumping to some music on the radio laughing while we sung our heads off. we felt at peace together. the weather seemed to shift as rain clouds began to head on over us. and so once sunny and dry became cloudy and wet. the rain came down slowly. drops per five seconds and suddenly escalated as it pitter pattered on the windshield. as the wipers tried to fight them off but the rain came down so hard we felt blind. a rush to be driving down the freeway not being able to see oncoming traffic but alas the rain yielded to a stop and the sun came back out. and so we still drove onward thinking that the rain had passed and i felt back at ease into my seat. ungripping the handrail and taking a sip of my drink. conversations continued and yet faintly you did not answer me. and so i was confused as you looked out the window wondering why you were ignoring me. and a few seconds passed that seemed like a lifetime and yet still no answer. and you began to shake. your arms flung towards me your feet pushed up harder against the pedal and we veered down the road at higher speeds. realizing you had no control over your body i began to think on my feet and so intuition and adrenaline took over my body as i grabbed the steering wheel you so vicariously pushed me out of. steering us into the field soon after i turned off the car trying to keep us from bumping into any traffic. because of the rain of course the field was muddy and so the tires became slippery and veered out of control. in front a large tree and you pushed me even more out of the way to where i was losing control. so with all my strength i pushed back and steered to the left only to hit the branch of the tree by an inch. but that inch spun us out of control into circles until we finally became a complete stop. i paused to catch my breath and realize my surroundings. the drink splashed over my pants. your body covered in sweat. my heart pounding in and out of my chest. i opened the door as to catch some air and yet you were confused. your mind not entirely here with us i rushed to type the phone to call for help but my fingers could not move. luckily some passengers along the way had veered to the side of the road and called my attention. as they called for help i reached back out to you to see if you were okay but you were still not stable. now when help arrived i felt a little at ease. i had called our parents letting them know the event had taken place but yet we were alright. as the paramedic examined us both telling us we were lucky to have lived. for if i hadn't done what i did and we hit the tree or worse as opposed to oncoming traffic our incident could have been fatal. and as we left the scene my mind stayed in shock. perhaps for the next few months although knowing that it was over. in my mind it cycled over and over and over again. for sleep i did not in fear of having nightmares. for the rain and the roads had scared me into being secluded. and for months anxiety , depression & perhaps a case of PTSD had taken over my life. of course you had no memory of the event that had happened so you unfortunately did not suffer in the likes of me. and i look back and i wonder how this small thing this small event had been slightly life changing.

words cut deep
when they mean something
life is fun and games
till you go and get played
lately I've been getting faded
minding  my business
hop in my lane and I switch to the next
look at this player tryna finesse
but it aint me
it aint thee
**** around and get your named tattooed
on my shoulder blade
now im insane
---------------------------------------------
words cut right thru my vein
tell me lies
and don't tell me why
ima keep on trying
call me stupid
im calling cupid
for making me fall for someone
when im not lucid
---------------------------------------------------
okay
no­w I've regained
my mentality
& I know now what I need
isn't you
so im thru

----------------------------------------------------

words­ cut deep
you don't have to tell me
what I realized is that I have a disease
slowly anticipating the right way to let go

drink the pain away
whiskey puts me in a daze
perhaps this is my escape
escape from reality
lonely and afraid
one day i hope i wake
and this will all just be a dream

but i’m scared to fall asleep
scared of being weak
for me to want to wake up
my faith would have to leap

i cry when i’m around you
but you may never notice
that’s because i hide
you’d never tell i’m broken
or that i’m lonely

searching for ways to get out
running away from the dark clouds
running away from all my doubts
how can i be good enough for you
when i’m not good enough for myself

drink the pain away
it gives me a funny taste
but i drink it anyway
now i’m numb again
& with a snap my problems are gone
i’m back on top
forgot who i was

so hey
let’s grab a date
tell me all the things that we can relate
i’m out of my box , out of my cage
only for a moment
before i turn the page
and awake the next day
it was nothing but a dream

can’t tell the difference between a dream and reality