it feels like
two opposing forces meeting halfway
drowning you as it fills you up
until your lungs give out
pouring out all of you
feeding the earth with your anguish like raindrops

it feels like
a searing pain digging into my flesh
fire making love to my skin
there's little time left
until I implode, bursting into flames

then there will be nothing left of the paper girl

there are tangled wires
twisting around my neck
angry sparks of black and grey
blinding my eyes
as I blend into the background
fading further away

it is not darkness
that cloaks this little world
but white skies and open roads
stretching out far and beyond
this state of mental abyss

this is not the place intended for her

at least, that's what I've convinced myself
but fear continues to grow and sweep like skyscrapers
extending towards the oblivion like endless rivers
and it lingers,"maybe this is well-deserved"

there is the pungent smell
of our inevitable death
as our bones fail, bend and break
only the end means us well
because,there really is
nothing more for us to be

that's how it feels
-W.

here we are, silent as a city burns between us
so, this is how it feels like to gaze upon the ruins of what once was and never will be again
so,this is the aftermath of an endless string of almost's and could-have-been's
look at this, look at what we have done
to the people we used to be, to the people we could have been
look at the crumbling walls, look at the ashes, look at this burning debris
this is all we will ever be until it claims us again
please remember this moment, the beat of my heart drowning out the sound of the chaos happening before us
remember this moment, them burning as bright as we had
remember how my name sounded like on your tongue, like it has been the one you have been calling out in all of your lifetimes
remember how we built this city for our empty souls only for us to be blinded by the lights
remember how I let you read all the tragedies my paper heart had bled
and you showed me all the oceans you had cried
please remember because I will remember you
I will remember you like how the books remembered all the kings and queens
I will remember you like how she never forgot all those that have wounded her deep
I will remember you like the way she has always remembered to forget how to forgive
this is how it ends, you with your temporary peace
me, envying the forgetful for remembering is my curse
-W.L.A.C.

this is the end
of everything we were,
everything we weren't,
everything we could have been,
and everything we couldn't be

"How could you write about someone you've never really known?"I do not know exactly.All I know is that there are silences in between our waking hours that can only be filled by the tune of a young boy's laughter— a sound that will never again echo in the four walls they can no longer call a home.All I know is that there are moments when you'd hopelessly reach out to empty space,holding out your hands,wishing that they will once again feel the familiar feeling of clasping two tiny hands.All I know is that there are pictures left to fade at the back of a tiny room because it hurts too much to look at them,knowing that whatever those pictures hold will stay as how they are—frozen in time like how a little boy will never grow up to be a man.Like how there are questions that will forever be left unanswered.Why?Why?Why?Like how there are a million promises left unkept,apologies left to rot inside each of them,slowly poisoning them.I'm sorry I wasn't there.I'm sorry I left.I'm sorry I had to leave.I'm sorry I never had the chance to even be with you in the final moments.
I'm sorry I'll never see you grow up.
I'm sorry you'll never have your first kiss.
I'm sorry you'll never know how it feels to fall in love with the world,with life,with your own person.I'm sorry you'll never know how it truly feels to be human.I'm sorry,little Prince.It's been a long hard five years and everyone's shouldering on.
I hope you're happy being part of the sky,
I hope you're more than okay.I hope that up there,you're able to live the childhood you deserved—never growing up.We were twelve when it happened, you were two.
Now,we're seventeen and you're still two.
And when we're seventy, you'll still be two.
You'll forever be two—something that both breaks me and makes me oddly happy.
The world never dimmed your light,perhaps that would be enough to make up for all that you never had the chance to be.Here's to you, little angel.
Here's to the man that you could have been.Here's to the life you could have lived,the life that could have been.
Here's to you,little King.
-W.L.A.C.

I cannot lie,the city will always have my heart
And I will always stretch out my arms towards the Great Perhaps,
Towards the wide cerulean oceans,the grassy plains and the freezing mountains
For I long to be free—not the kind of free you made me feel,the kind of free I need to be because I am trapped,crushed under the weight of existing
But always remember that you have always been and you will continue to be,my home
There are spaces in my heart left for you to fill,
My hands will always long for the feeling you made me feel as I danced with your winds,
And my skin will never find another lover as great as your Sun—it will always miss the way your Sun kissed my shoulders,I will always miss the exhilarating feeling I felt whenever I ran chasing your Sunsets
And the rush I felt climbing your mountains,spreading out my arms as I stood at the zenith,wondering if that's how it felt like to fly
I will always miss your stars—they taught me how to love the night,taught me how to map out my dreams and plot where we'll be in your skies
I'm sorry I can no longer dance under your moonlight or play hide and seek with the little urchins
These days all that I hide from are the versions of me I try to bury deep beneath the bottom of my childhood drawer and all that kisses my skin is ink and sharp steel
And all that I feel when I stand at the top of the city's towering heights is the fear of free falling and the inevitable death of each and every piece of me left as I do so,as I let myself fall and sink into the abyss more
But I will climb back up again,I can and I will climb multiple mountains,travel a thousand roads and get lost in all of the cities of the world,I'll find myself and I won't be too afraid because I know I will always have a home
You will always be my home,will you?
-W.L.A.C.