Liar, Liar (Pants on fire)
Escapril day 24
Liar.
You said you did nothing wrong.
Liar.
You said you didn’t deserve it.
Pants.
You said I deserved every form of punishment I got.
On.
You screamed at me, egging me on.
Fire.
Now I’m on fire and borderline expelled.

I am suicidal.
I am angry.
I am experiencing shame.
I am sad.
I am resenting every horrible thing I have ever done.
Lastly, I am manic.


I am sad I hit him.
I am shaming myself because I shouldn’t have done what I did.
I am suicidal because I’ve finally had time to process/realize what I did.
I am angry at him for egging me on.
I am resenting him for blowing me off.
I am having an adverse reaction to a med and experiencing a manic episode.

What do I do?
Who do I ask for help?
Do I go inpatient?
Do I fight this on my own?
What.
Do.
I.
Do.

Yesterday
Yesterday I was suspended and now I don’t know my left from my right
My left is emotional
And my right is emotional
My left represents anger and resentment
My right represents suicidality and sadness
There is no middle.
There is no grey
There is no “This too shall pass”

I could be expelled for hitting a kid, due to the fact it’s my 3rd fight in a year and two months
I could be expelled because I am on contract.
I could be expelled due to the fact it’s a tiny school. Only 60 kids, and 35 on a regular basis.