he remembers the day when
he got called up.
"he's 20,"
his mother said.
"he's my little baby."

even the thought of
leaving
his family was
absolutely horrendous.

when he arrived
however,
he saw you.
god, how could someone look
so ****** good
so effortlessly
so innocently
yet not so innocently
as the clothes you were wearing
basically supported the term of
violence.

he's a mummy's boy,
he'll cry himself
to sleep every night,
feeling unsafe.
he felt so safe,
dear lord.
even i feel so safe.

today,
you
offered him
canned beans.
(you also referred to him as 'mate', which is not exactly what he wanted you to call him, but it's fine as long as you're happy)
he finds beans
quite gross
icky
tasteless
yuck
yet he ate until
the can was empty
he guessed it was to please you (?)
and he wouldn't forgive himself
if he ever rejected you.
anyone who
tried to deny you
must be out of their mind.

anyway.
might be talking *******,
but he really hopes you'd offer him
some canned beans again.

Stranger,
With a word or two
I felt gladly captured.
Glad, because I got the chance
To meet you.
Captured, because I knew
We weren’t actually meant to be.

Time was winning the race,
and you thought we'd beat it instead.
Yet I knew we were losing.
It was scary,
How much you interested me
How much I wanted to talk until
Whenever.
How alike we were.
Maybe it was frighteningly beautiful,
Because it was unlike anything
Life-like.

Your words were too big for me,
It was like trying to fit two puzzle pieces
That don’t belong together.

So I did what I felt
I had to do.
It didn’t take me long to build my walls up high,
Yet you always managed to climb them up each time.
Whenever I pushed,
It seemed like you pulled me in even closer each time.

Carelessly, effortlessly,
Maybe guiltily,
Yet undoubtedly
I wanted to stay in the moment
For longer than I probably should have.

I don’t know what I was expecting,
I don’t know you.
Though I know it's impossible
To  stand still on a  bridge
after being pushed
Countless times.


And so you did,
The mojo moment was over with.
That's when I realized
it was me falling this whole time.

And I thought to myself,
Although it may look odd,
Although it may not physically work,
Although it isn't meant to be,
You can fit a puzzle piece wherever
you want it to fit.

But now,
I was left with a completed puzzle
Missing one piece.
You look for it everywhere,
Under all the furniture,
Stub a toe here and there,
But deep down you know
That you’ve probably vacuumed it
the other day.

All I can do,
I’ll keep all these memories with me.
I’ll keep them in a little book,
Place it on the shelf
At the very back of my mind.
So that when little things,
little feelings
come running up my spine,
I can open the book
maybe once again.

I want to wish we never met,
but that's also wishing I never felt what I felt.
I'm not one to lie.

Who knows,
Maybe I’m just anyone.
But I enjoyed the hours
When you made me feel
Like someone.

Stranger,
I’m not a bad person.
At least,
I try not to be.
Maybe we’ll meet again,
Maybe you’ll see me in the
Supermarket
The park
A gig
A game
But you know,
You and I won’t ever
know.

how come,

you never feel the need to make your hair, ever

but manage to look like someone i'd spend my whole life with.

how come,

i could let myself drown in your

smelly morning breath

(it smells like daisies for me, though)

how come,

i end up thinking

about all the details on your face

from your crinkles to your moles.

it keeps me wide awake.

how come,

i shut my windows

countless times,

yet you are my sunshine.