He pulled me close, kissed me softly
He held my face and pulled my hair gently
Grabbed my hips and pushed his body against mine
Everything tasted like cigarettes and too much alcohol
It went on for quite some time
And he was indeed charming,
But I kept noticing my mind wandering back to
you and your face and your curly hair
More times than I would like.

The realization hit me later that night
it's not that your words cut like knives
in a moment of truth they didn't
Nothing felt overpowering
not even the thought of blue eyes
Never had I thought about you in your entirety
Only the thought of
And I still do like blue eyes
like ships they pull me in
like waves they always come back
But you're not the only one with blue eyes; I've got them too

He is hers
She is his
I don't wanna be a part of it but why does my thoughts
keep turning back to them

"The heart wants what the heart wants" they say
But I've never quite understood that
Or maybe I have and won't give in

Controlled by the heart is not what I want to be
Not who I want to be
Free mind
Free heart
Free soul

That's what my mind says
And should you obey it at all times?
Perhaps. But not right now.

I never knew your eyes were blue
not until the meeting
The uncertainty felt overpowering
Your eyes were still blue when I looked again
I never thought I liked blue eyes
but there you sat
quiet and quite loveable
I never wanted to give myself away
because of fear, lack of courage
Yet here I am
Ready to give myself away like a flower ready for the bees to come
I'm just not sure you and your blue eyes will take me in

Sometimes all I feel is sadness
It's floating through my body
Crushing all signs of happiness

I don't know what to do
Though I think

I've considered bad things
But always managed to
Keep my mind off

And that's what lights up
My body

When the sadness
Has left everything
To be rebuilt

your eyes are too dark and they make me drown
your smile is irresistible and it makes me look away
your mouth so kissable it makes me sick

i wish you'd just look at me the same way i look at you
assure me that all i believe is wrong
tell me that your heart is on fire too

tell me that you want me too

I imagine too many things
And I'd like all of them
to happen

But never has one
been that
lucky

so everything is not supposed to be
just like everything is
i like the way it makes me think
that some things are here to stay

when oblivion is fearless
and when betrayal  is powerful
i wonder if you will come close
for just another day

some days i think not
everything around is numb
but when light pours through
the empty holes of my soul
i know that you might

I can't remember a thing but the others pressuring glances,
our lips meeting,
tangled tongues
and my frightened mind when you touched mine

Is this really what it is?

nowheretobefoundbutnotlostnowheretobefoundbutnotlost
nowheretobef­oundbutnotlostnowheretobefoundbutnotlost
nowheretobefoundbutnotlo­stnowheretobefoundbutnotlost

So he pointed his gun at me and said:
"Choose which one then"
And I chose
Him

I didn't want to do it like that
Yet the end came faster than I thought
But what can you do
When love turns into despair

You looked at me with
those beautiful eyes of yours

Your hair was messy
but little did you know
that I loved it that way

And you'll never know
I lost the moment
like I always do


But what even made me think
that I was good enough
For someone like *you?