I'm done holding on to these false hopes,

to these broken promises and trust issues.

I can't believe a word you say,
but maybe that's because you're a man of fiction.

I'm hurting all over my body,

everywhere where I wanted your hands on me feels numb,

and after every exhale I think of your smile.  

it hurts to lose someone,
someone who you love.

someone who will never love you back,

someone who never did love you back.

I wish I wouldn't have fallen so easily,

and I wish falling out of love was as easy as falling in love,

because if you wanted me back I would run into your arms

even though you're still clutching the same knife that pierced through me before.

it takes me so long to trust someone fully but I trusted him in an instant and he left the same way

i regret telling you
that i love you
because it made me feel so vulnerable

it made me feel like my world was crashing down,
like now you knew every ***** secret,
and every lie.

it gave you control,
the control i have never given another,

you were my drive,
my prized possession,
and you knew it.

you knew how much i thought about you,
and you probably know that i'm thinking of you right now.

i always am.

why would i want to stop thinking about you?

i haven't felt this strongly about someone in a long time,
and even though my emotions now are sorrow,
and hurt,

i want you to know that even in years to come i'll think about you.

maybe not everyday, or once an hour,

but i'll think about you.

i'll think about how much you made me smile,
and how you taught me so many things that i'll need,

i'll think about how stupid you were,
and how much you mailing me things upset my mother.

darling

i'll remember your voice,
and how much it made my cheeks turn red and fingertips shake,

you made me flustered,
you made me different.

your hands were always a favourite,
how they would hold things or
support rings,

but your smile was definitely the favourite,
your smile brightened my days.

i loved making you laugh, and seeing that smile that awakened your cheeks and brightened your eyes.

but it's gone now,
and even though it might come back,

it'll never be the same.

this is my farewell,
my goodbye,

because no matter how much you apologize or lure me in from this point on,

i'm gone.

*i'm not yours anymore,

i'm mine.

i always come running back to you,
no matter how many ill experiences you put me through,
i still want to feel your skin against mine.

i haven't yet, and it hurts,
my skin burns where i want you to touch me
and honestly,

you could put me through hell and back but this attraction will not cease,
it'll only roar like the waves,
howl like the wolves,

and work to keep me breathing.

this love is something that i don't want to lose,
even though it's one sided,
even though i can't do anything to make you want me,
i like pretending.
i like how you lie to me and tell me things,
i believe it for a moment until your actions prove your words wrong
but that's okay,
because i'm used to getting hurt.
i'm used to letting people use me when they need me, but let me go the instant there's another opportunity.

don't worry,
i never expected to be your number one,

but i just wish i could have meant something.

you're gone, far gone,

the same distance,
but emotionally you're not mine.
you never were,
but i think we were close.

you don't care about anyone,
and i've come to learn this,
but i thought that maybe
just maybe
i could make you care about me.

i guess i expect too much.

love,
i'll remember you,
i'll remember how you would hide due to embarrassment or put yourself down,
how you would change the subject when i brought up anything serious,
how i made you laugh,
how insecure and adorable you could be,
and how much you meant to me.

how much you mean to me.

please,

*stop coming back to me.

my skin is barely intact,
  and my hair has split ends.
i'm not perfect,
   but i try.

i try for you.
do you even notice?

i've changed my style,

i've eaten your words instead of calories,

i've mentally prepared myself for when you leave me.

you told me that it was okay.
that even with all of my flaws i was perfect,

but you lied.

it's coming to me now,
all of the lies that you filled me with
are becoming so clear.

you do care that i'm not size zero,
you do care that my hair dye is fading,
you do find it annoying that i'm shy,

you don't like me.
but that's okay,

because i'm used to being just a thrown away toy.

How is it that you don't think I know?
Acting completely different,
This isn't you.
The more you do this,
The more you get under my skin.
It makes me angry.
You are only looking for attention.
I have only one thing to say.
Be careful,
My friend,
For you will eventually find
The attention you were looking for.
And it will be different than you thought.