I swear I'm not in love with him.
The boy with the super glued heart and lingering smile.
With the feathered name and soft kisses.
I swear I swear I swear I'm not.
But I live, for what he gives...
I live for the moments that bring me back,
the moments that take
the broken springs
from under my back.
And these moments are produced by his presence.
I live for personalities like his,
lacking adjective for the sole fact that he is
the only one that emanates such a state and way of life.
He is the only one to own this armor that is indistinguishable from his skin.
I live for independence and codependence.
Both of which he blesses me with.
He doesn't see the need for harshness and punishment due to flaws. My flaws.
I live for nature.
The same nature as his flesh that melts into the background of the trees, as the shift between his daytime talk and his nighttime swim through my veins.
I live for the yearning of something in the distance.
And he-- he is the most beautiful horizon I've ever reached out to touch. I live for things like him.
And there is nothing like him.
So here's the question. Do I live for nothing...or do I live for him?
I live for him.
But I swear I'm not in love with this boy... (okay, so maybe I am).

According to the society I live in,
I am the man in the relationship,
because I have the *****.
According to society,
that means I have to be the ultimate handy man,
Ultimate know how,
ultimate lover
ultimate brained guy.
I feel like I am subjected by what other men expect of me.
I feel like I'm not enough,
The other men make me feel bad,
just because I'm the only guy they know,
who isn't in a relationship for *****.
Because in fact,
I value love.
According to the society I live in,
I am supposed to use my big **** in situations
to please the woman,
and move on to the next.
But, that's not me.
My **** size should not matter,
nor should my ability to please women,
because that isn't what matters.
What matters is how i can respect her,
and make her happy
(not only by ***).
Men need to wake the hell up,
stop being in it to ****,
and try a REAL relationship for once.
My biceps should not define my worth,
but by my heart, integrity, and morals.
Men think they have to be "dominant"
but what they really need to be is dominated.
My face should not be the world of my life.
I don't want to be ignorant and cocky,
but loving and compassionate.
Men shouldn't be bragging about how many girls they've ******,
but complementing the girl they love for REAL reasons.
My fellow men disgust me.
They have fallen so far behind.
I am a man,
but I will not fall victim to other men's expectations.

Where I'm at right now is all due to the fact that my heart was torn out of my ******* chest Without a ******* goodbye. I didn't deserve it, no one deserves to be treated so ****** and I was angry, I was mad, I was scared because I didn't want it to happen again so I built a stone wall around my heart hoping that no one would hurt me again. What I wasn't planning on was hurting others instead. But how could I trust someone who doesn't even know anything about me. I told myself I wasn't ready but the vengeance in me kept going because I wanted others to know how it felt to be broken. I was lost. I was hurt. And don't think that not once I never felt anything after I broke people, it hurt me the hardest because this is not who I am and it definitely wasn't my intention. I did things I never in my life thought I would do because I stop caring I stop being scared even though being scared is what made me who I was.

I stop being scared..
And I lost my ******* self.

Please stop trusting me.
I love you but you think that's a good thing.
It's not.

Stay away from me.
Don't you know that I'm poison?
I am.

Things don't work out for me.
You say someday they will.
They won't.

I love you so much more than you could ever know.
Go away.

My brother is the musky smell of woodsmoke.