No more a man, no less a boy.
I came home today.
I am anchored here, a rusted chain i can't take off.
The further i walk, the tighter the heavy brown collar grips my throat.
It pains me to be away.
It hurts me to stay.

No more alive, no less deceased.
I stayed home today.
New scratches line my back as the rough metal of my leash grazes back and forth across my shoulders through the day.
It's cold inside.
The sun struggles to find me back behind these walls.

No more satisfied, no less disappointed.
I stayed in bed today.
Wrapped in a duvet ive never not had.
Familiar, comfortable, unpleasant.

No more honest, no less a liar.
I told myself id go out today,
But as i approached the door my neck got heavy, hard to breath, and the chain links cut my back.
It hurts to stay, too painful to leave.
I grovel at my own feet.
To a man ive know my whole life.
The man who lives at home.

No more at peace, no less disturbed.
Today i decided to stay a while.
If i left id only be back,
I always,
Come
Back.
I dropped the anchor, i linked the chain.
I know i secretly like it here.
It hurts to stay, too painful to leave.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

A great future doesn't require a great past.

All you say is
Never again
You say this isn't love
But something brings you back
Every time
You're just a *******
So pain is what you're looking for
Tears running down your face
Is nothing new
Girl all you say is
Never again
You say you can't find love
But something brings you to me
Not just tonight
But every night
Because you're just a *******
So pain is what you're looking for
So bring your self to me
I can take your pain away tonight

☁️

Will I see you In every starry night?

He's a stupid, selfish *******.
An immature little boy in a man's body who wanted to be like his father and get away from his mother.
Joining the military was--for him--like a little girl wishing to be a princess.
I could never convince him otherwise, even with facts and statistics and love.
He didn't want to stay for me, didn't want to stay with me.
But I don't care about that part.
I care that he's a stubborn little **** who thinks he's going to be a hero in people's eyes.
But it's not heroic if you ache for the recognition, the fame and glory and honor.
"So I can be somebody" he says.
So people will shake his hand in the store, he means.
He wants so badly to be this stereotype
that he will ignore the people
who love him,
and someday
he will become a crying,
scared,
traumatized mess in his bed sheets,
when the wars are done.
I only congratulate myself for leaving him,
because I won't be around when that happens.
This is what you left me for, Boy.
I hope it's worth it.
I hope you make your Daddy proud,
because I didn't.
I can't hug you goodbye
because of that
awful thing you did to me.
I blame you.
I blame you for everything.
For throwing away
everything we could have had
like it was a messy drawing.
You should have hit me,
screamed at me--something!
Should've done something more than cheat on me
because I still love you.
And for that, I hate you.
You stupid, selfish boy,
not letting me send you off
before you fight for your pride--
oops, I mean
America.