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Samm Marie Jan 2018
I had never been called beautiful
By a boy before
And yet he made my heart stop
Completely when he said it
He seemed so sure
As though it were fact
Not opinion

In stopping my heart he made
It start with a slightly different beat
I'm not saying he made realize
That I am far more than I credit myself
I've realized it before
But he made me believe in the word
I've worn it upon my throat for nearly seven
Months now, remembering that life is beautiful

I constantly remind him I'm broken and messy
Not the kind of girl you would
Take home to mama and put a ring on
Her left hand
I'm an *******
But then he called me beautiful and I
Realized that I am
Because life is beautiful
And I am life
  Dec 2017 Samm Marie
Alec
I am afraid
(Of the future I’ve made)
For the boy
(Treating his body like a toy)
Who will slowly remove his shirt
(Unable to find the shadows in which he lurks)
And show her his scars
(That scatter across his whole being like stars)
His aches and pains
(The results of what drives him insane)
Bumps and rough patches
(From stabs and all of the scratches)
Marks she will look at
(While he is poised in preparation for attack)
The words he waits for
(What is wrong with you?!
What caused you to mutilate and gore?!)
The aching silence
(Leaving him to regret his self violence)
But maybe
(Because the future can’t be completely seen)
Maybe she won’t be afraid or hate the scars
(Because his body truly is marred)
Maybe she’ll tell him that she doesn’t mind
(Something i doubt, but is still possible to find)
That his scars are not something he should hide
(Terrifying, id just assume it was a lie)
That she wants to know the story behind every one
(Even though there are piles of marks, no, tons)
And she will take her hand and trace
(While he stands still, less afraid)
Every line, every dot
Every mutilation, every spot.
(While he’s waiting for the catch, the lesson he’s always been taught)
And she just stays there, looking at but not cursing him and his scars
And he thinks “maybe i can be loved, though I’m marred”
Samm Marie Dec 2017
It's as though we are
Reducing
The potential of something
In the act of declaring a definitive
Name
Perhaps that is why there are
So many words;
Perhaps they all mean the same thing
But no one could agree
They all have their own infinities
Because even infinity
Has infinity
We say words and names so much
They become a mere mirror
Fragment
When we name things and people
Are we declaring ourselves to be
God?
Samm Marie Dec 2017
I've been keeping
A list of things about him
Anything I feel important
Gets noted
His favorite color is green
He has a golden doodle
her name is Sadie
He has auto-immune encephalitis
He swears like it's going out of style
But makes it so suave
Etc. Etc. Etc.

He was feeling sad
Broken
Unappreciated
So I told him to hang on a minute
I needed to get my bag from the car
I threw in my shoes, forgetting socks,
I didn't even grab my jacket
The rain tried to drown me
As I accomplished my mission
I took a few pictures of this list
And hit send

I thought I ****** up
45 minutes went by and
He hadn't said anything
My anxiety was kicking in so
I played first person shooters
With my baby brother
I love that kid
My phone vibrated
Sending pulses of panic
Throughout my existence
"Wow"
One word, no explanation

"Truly amazing"
"No one knows me that well"
The short texts of amazement kept streaming in
Vibration after vibration
He was so happy
That didn't stop him from
Mentioning that he hates
This whole being single thing
But it's for the best when
You've been cheated on by five girls
Again I helped

"Sorry for being clingy the past few days"
I shot an hour or so later
He always tells me it's okay
But I don't think it is
Without missing a beat
He replied
"I love it"
I cried

I cried because
like I told him
He "just made my heart smile
So much that tears fell
No one's ever said anything
Like that me and it washed some
Of my anxieties away"
I proceeded to thank him
He's my best friend so
There's always that love
That exists between friends
So I thanked him for it

He was confused
"Thank you for loving me Evan"
"Samm, I don't have to try to
I love you so much it comes naturally"
This man
So wonderful and imperfect
Yet so flawless
Made me cry again

My heart hasn't ever smiled before
I thought in the past that it has
But that was just butterflies
My heart smiled tonight
**And I've never been so
Sure
Samm Marie Nov 2017
You kind of have this weird hate-love relationship with life and humanity.
Why don’t you just choose love?
Choose kindness.
Choose optimism.
Choose to do the work now.
Choose to jump in head first.
Choose to “Braveheart it”.
Choose to be prepared.
Choose to smile.
Choose happy.
It’s so crazy how just making a choice can change your life.
It is just as easy to be kind and happy as it is to be a total ******* filled with regret.
One could argue that it’s actually easier.
So make the choice.
Make the choice to change.
Make the choice to believe in the 21/90 rule!
Make the choice to be habitually content with yourself.
You are just as important as the people you take care of.
You are just as important!
Let that sink in.
You are important.
Everything will be okay in the end.
If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
Remember that.
So let’s make that leap together:
let’s choose happy;
*let’s choose self-love
Samm Marie Nov 2017
You are wonderful
You are intelligent
And creative
You are filled with infinite possibilities
And I believe in you
You are strong and bold
It's okay to hurt
To be sad
To feel lower than low
It's not over
Infinity is in your favor
Just breathe
Because you are a beautiful
Soul
Built to overcome
Because although imperfect
You are simply perfect
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