Sometimes, life gets too loud.
It makes me feel like an empty soul;
filled by pools of people and drowned by waves of noises.
Walking back and forth, without knowing the right direction.
My own voice seems to be muffled along the way;
Just like a broken record, its vote couldn't be heard clearly.
Sometimes, life gets too loud.
I choose the mute option.
Perhaps, I just craving for a moment of silence.

Is the world-shaking, or is it just me?  
Sweaty palms,
Shortage of breaths.
Unease.

“Oh no, I feel like throwing up.”
I wish the world could pause right now,
Even if it would only last for a few seconds.
Few seconds is what I craved.

I canceled the plans with my girlfriends.
I canceled the staycation that was booked one and a half months ago.
I canceled the language class I was supposed to attend.
Parts of me was actually excited.

Until the thoughts started forming in my head,
Leaving me stuck.
I cried.
My friends asked me, “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I’m thankful that she asked. However,
I wished those words would give me comfort.
I wished I could say something to answer those questions.
I wished I could put my emotions into words.

My friends said, “It’s okay. You will be fine.”
Will I?
Will I ever be okay?
It was as if I’m learning to breathe,
But the fact that I’m underwater.

When I started loving you,
I thought I figured out what love is.

I thought we would co-write our love story,
documenting our love adventures in every chapter.  
Walking down the aisle is the written finale.
Happily ever after would be the epilogue.

But things changed ever since you left.
I was desperately seeking for signs to
stop thinking of you.
But somehow everything reminds me of you.

Couldn't stop scrolling my phone,
Couldn't help but to think
the phone call,
the text messages,
would it be you?

It’s been way too long
since I sit in the silence
with the morning sky.

Mellow blues,
with streaks of pink.
Fluffy clouds,
Rosy hue.

Every painted sky is indeed
a canvas of Your grace.
This endless canvas reminds me
of Your endless love,
eternal promises of Yours.

Every single time when I look up,
It reminds me how many times I failed you.
And yet, you hold my hands,
call my name,
And say, “Come home.”

"Words doesn't hurt."
They said.
"Come on, be tough."
They said.

"I care about you."
They said.
"I love you, always."
They said.

I fall for what
they said.
I got hurt and bruises from what
they said.

After all,
everything that they said
are nothing,
but empty promises and lies.

When I started loving you,
I thought I figure out what love is.

The first date we had.
The white dress I wore.
The necklace you bought.
With the initial of yours.

When I started loving you,
I thought I figure out what love is.

But not until you left,
ripping the fabrics of my life,
leaving me at our favourite place,
leaving me alone,

With you no longer by my side.

To be continued...