lilli

lilli May 18

if

if my lungs were filled
with sand and ashes
  i would still choke out
sonnets and haikus
and tell you how much i think of you

  if there were a garden in my ribs
i would water it and care for the life within
in hopes that you would someday come in
  and brush your fingers over
the jasmine and roses and ivy and bluebells
that adorn the walls of my heart

  if my eyes were diamond crystals
opalescent shades of angel feathers
  i would tear them out and
curl fingers of silver around them
and string them around your neck
  so that they could rattle alongside
your beating pulse forever

  if my teeth were to grow too sharp
nothing but fangs that tear and snap
full of venom, leaking from my lips
  i would sew my mouth shut
and sit evermore in silence next to you
so you could never get hurt

   and if my tongue were
dead in my mouth
  i would breathe out your name
even if it never left my throat

a poem i wrote for my girlfriend when i was too scared to say “i love you.”

#love #confessionalpoetry #lovepoem #sacrifice

lilli Jan 5

hollow bones

i’m too heavy, too full
of venom and scorn
i wish i had a birds hollow bones
so i could fly above
the desolate and lovelorn

but instead i dig and
i dig and i dig and i dig
i sink into the core of the earth
and i melt into magma
to burn into ashes and return
back to where i was made

i am a hornet of an angel
with a silver knifepoint stinger
and rice paper wings
they flake and crumble
and cry and rumble

i am an insect of a woman
with grotesque snapping jaws
and two druxy hearts
staring into the window of
ephemeral eternal deflowering

so i die, i die, and i die again
my feathers are weighed
down with oil and rot
so i rip into myself
and chew on my loathing

feel free to make of this poem whatever you want

#confessionalpoetry #horror #bodyhorror #soul #pain #misery #sadness

lilli Nov 2024

moronic totality

every night
i dream of love
of the hazy warmth
of another soul

yearning flows,
through my very blood
and i can feel my heartbeat
spilling onto my bedsheets

i bleed melancholy
i am morose, moronic
and forever mindless
waiting, weeping, wanting

I CANNOT CONTINUE
TO STARE AT MY CEILING
AND WAIT TO BE DESTROYED
BY THE MONSTER
THAT IS LOVE, TRUE LOVE

LOVE WILL DEVOUR ME
FERVENTLY AND WITHOUT MERCY
IT IS A FERAL, HAUNTING THING
YET I STILL WANT
OH, I WANT I WANT I WANT

i’ve never wanted anything more

i have craved love my entire life with my entire soul, yet it has not come. i will rot before im fulfilled.

#emotional #desperation #longing #yearning

lilli Nov 2024

my weeping heart

my blood is warm
when it spills
drip—ping
down
my
thighs
my heart longs
to speak words,
secrets of
the flesh
but instead
she just weeps
and pounds against
my ribs, her cage
and my stomach
is wet with her tears

i always have felt that i feel emotions that i will never be able to confess properly, that no one could possibly understand what i feel. it feels like hands around my neck, that thought.

#confessionalpoetry #emotions #entrapment #personification #metaphorical

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