perfection; the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

something that has haunted me my whole life or should i say i’ve haunted it my whole life...
i’m the one who is chasing it
it has what i want
i’ve chased it to exhaustion
but it has want i want
self fulfillment...satisfaction...
so many questions
when i look in the mirror, i wonder
my belief of everyone expecting perfection and nothing less has corrupted my mind..
it has rotted my self esteem
the reason being acceptance
a desire of being desired
terrified of rejection
i torture myself wanting to reach perfection
self-destruction  
i hate perfection
perfection is an illusion
but we crave satisfaction.

broken people break people
times when i couldn’t figure out where my broken pieces were..
meeting new people trying to find them
sometimes confusion, sometimes relief  
broken people break people
i would never
significant others i had to leave behind
to gain knowledge about myself
left with love
all in love
healed people heal people
i fell in love with my solitude
unbreakable...
no disappointments, so addictive
in my room, heart full of love
all for myself
healed people heal people
advice i gave to others
don’t be afraid to be alone
an amazing feeling i told them
healed with love

and even though validation is what you’re looking for
know that you cannot receive that
nor should you wait on it..
believe in yourself
be confident of your actions
recognize your mistakes
theres always room for improvement
take it slow
but until you find peace with it..
don’t forget your beauty
and your worth
although the heartache hurts
be strong
there’s always a reason
choose your attitude
control your day
let yourself feel
but don’t overflow..
theres more to life
stay true
and love always
-h.u

pretty in pain
i stand tall
and hold it in
i wait to be alone
laying there in my spot
comfortable in my sadness
where my mind stands still
i wait until im there
and i let it pour
the pain takes over
for as long as i let it
i allow the emotion to have its time
just enough for satisfaction
then i turn it off
still, still
i take a breath
i accept it
and keep it movin...

the hearts request
someone to stay..
to be held and loved
by a person who is fearless of emotions
self-aware
someone who won’t leave
someone who is ready
we crave
we hurt
we struggle
to be found by our person
the person destined to be our forever
true love
the person that will bring that to life
we crave
we rush
backfire
we meet people, we pressure it
disappointment
BACKFIRE
we hurt
we give up...
for my person
i am on my way to you
lets be patient
-h.u

perhaps I’ve been searching for the person i’ve wished to be
keeping myself calm
trying to stay sane
perhaps it was supposed to be different for me
i knew a whole heart for only a second
i didn’t know i carried a broken heart until the broken pieces ripped open my skin
attempting to leave my body
i thought i carried a thick layer of skin
a fool
I’ve been trying to find something i don’t know
which side do you want, left or right?
i wanted both, a full heart
instead of choosing, it chose me
forced to leave the other behind
to watch from afar
it all grabbed me from behind while i was trying to do my best
stuck
standing in room full of people that see right through me
walk right past me
i collect my emotions and hold them tight in my hand
i open up my hand when im laying there alone
and i let the emotions express themselves all night
like a cycle i wake up the next morning and still no change
temporary relief from strangers i thought were friends
only to realize that medicine is dangerous
my past has molded me into the person i am
theres reasons for the present
theres stories behind my traits
i don’t know love, yet here i stand
giving my all to people
i could stop but its the only thing that heals my past
i could be angry but that would only bring back my childhood
the truth is changing things that could possibly help me
could allow my past to eat me alive
but my sadness overflows my body
and sometimes it floods the ones around me
i hate to see it happen
but this world is new to me
my life didn’t come with a manual
standing in an empty battlefield
i am my own enemy
-h.u

i am the kind of woman you fall in love with now...or later
i am the kind of woman that fills your conscious up with guilt
and beautiful memories
guilty for damaging me, wearing me out, and confusing me
lucky to have enjoyed my presence
or perhaps you don't regret a thing
i believe a soul is dark enough, a heart is lost enough
i am the kind of woman that carries deep cuts
but i am the kind of woman that learned how to heal those wounds with the little she had to offer herself
i am the kind of woman that is selfish
because i want you to miss me
i want the pain to be worth it
i want the damage to be worth it
i want to be a realization, a lesson
selfish because now i know my worth
and you weren't worthy
just lucky
-h.u