I'll tell you anything
to make sure you think
that im just fine.

but honestly
im just wanting
to die.

I know
that its a really big
lie.

but I just want you
to be able to sleep
thinking that I am alright.

10 months and 25 days passed
or
35 days away
till it marks the day
that I finally realized
my life needs to stop involing  
a blade trembling my skin

its a day that
I refused to get hurt
by a boy
who was my everything.
but was causing
the blade across my skin.

blades
the pain it caused
emotionally and physically
I was addicted
I craved a little more
everytime
the wound started to heal

boy
the hurt it did
became a way I thought
of myself
and I didn't want to loose myself
as I was loosing every
addition to my life

10 months and 25 days later
im free
from the boy
that caused the pain I liked
im free from the medal
that I craved
everytime I ****** up
and life has never been better

you're controling my mind
You're in my brain
almost every single time

7:37 am and I already miss you
I crave your lips
because I want to kiss you

you're running through my veins
stop playing games
because I need you.

well *******
because you ****
and I hate you.

but just know
even though,
hate over runs the love
I love the pain
and I love you.

I need you
I need you like oxygen in my lungs
I need you like a heart needs blood
I need you like a daughter needs her mom
I miss you
I miss you like a cold winter day in summer
I miss you like the moon misses their mom
I miss you like a child misses the sun
I loved you
I loved you like a mother loves her son
I loved you like a day with sunshine  
I loved you like the moon loved the stars

as I crave your hands
connected back with mine
your alcoholic breath
starts to breath on me

and suddenly
you start to
remind me
the reason
we were no longer
"we"

I remember the day
you said you'd always love me
it felt like I had just won the lottery

because I won you
and you won me
we were both so happy

months went by
our fire went out
love was not what this relationship
was built on

all I saw in you
was hate and jealousy
that's the day when
you walked away
and we never were a "we"

"your dad is your first love."
oh im sorry
is love suppose to hurt?

dear "first" love,
you ****** with me
mentally and physically
and now you left me
feeling not a **** thing

I haven't spoke to you in 10 years
do you even remember me?
I bet you don't care about
what I have became to be
you really did abuse me
mentally and physically
and you told me
I could never be
what I want to be

10 years down the road,
im not what I want to be
and you're the one stopping me