.       What can you do, fight being you?
        Who can I be, if I'm not being me?
      Where can I go if I don't belong home
      Where can i turn when I feel so alone.

I cannot confide, I have too much to hide
I cannot push further what's deep down inside, I protect you from me and the troubles I bring I won't weigh you down I won't let you drown.

I will not let you share the worries that I bear, I will not let you see, the cracked doll that is me.

Your words make me want to throw up
I can't even fathom why you think I believe you
Your soul is *****
The smoke you inhale has gone to your heart
The good parts of you were sent to the grave
You closed the casket without a funeral
I've been trying to wrap my mind
Around what has happened
What made you so vile, so cruel?
But then I realize
If I despise you, why am I still with you?

Rosy red petals
the crumbling smell
so sweet
as you run
they get crushed beneath your feet
the intoxicating scent
brings you back around
to repeat the wrongs
redemption never found
The dripping of dew
falls upon the dirt
your soul mixed with desire
a rush that's bound to hurt
Dreams swirl down the river
while you run towards the ledge
collect a little sliver
before you meet the edge.

I wore your coat today
It gives me the illusion
that we are more
than just abusers
It wasn't until now that I realized
affection isn't the same as love
I've adapted as a user
so I could be a player in their game
Trading cannabis for kisses
to deprived my body of its senses
Everything I touch feels fuzzy and dull
None of this can be real
I keep my eyes closed
as I am dragged down
in a haze of pleasure
I let you move me to your desire
To have someone take control over me
brought relief over my chest
I felt useful for there was no time
to over think our motives
Please take me in
I'll let you have all of me
Show me what's it like to be loved
I can't tell the difference anymore
I know what's happening
but I don't want it to stop
Cause I am not here
My body may be on the bed
but my mind is somewhere else
I flinch at the touch of your lips smothering me
They are different from his
You brush over my scars like they were nothing
like they weren't some hellish thing I endure
I have no response for the selfish suggestions
you whisper in my ear
Cause I'm tried and we both
just want our fix
I could feel the hunger in your grip tighten
reluctant to stop
You never asked
but I didn't say no either
cause affection makes us feel loved
even if we aren't