All the sparks and heat that i'm excited about,
All those adrenalins that rush,
All those fires i ignite,

For the sake of pleasure,
For mere instantaneous joy,
For a relief i never thought i seek.

I never meant to hurt anyone,
I never meant to burn anything precious,
I never want to

Yet, all those ignitions,
Are long overdue.
For once, i burned my home down.

Can people change? That's one of the hardest question I've stumbled upon.
I've seen so many people change throughout my life.
My parents, my family, my friends.
Everybody's changing.
But when i look into a mirror, i don't just see glass that reflects light.
I see such an unchanged math problem that we might known as constant.
I see, myself.

Being constant is not the same as being consistent.
It's not a wordplay that everyone could mix it up.
Those two not even homophones.
Being consistent is sometime a thing that we could be proud of.
And yet being constant is
an illness that I haven't find the cure of.

I'm not saying that it's uncurable.
What I'm saying is
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of being an unchanged variable that doesn't know how to change.
I'm sick of being a constant that is easily scratch out in a derivative.
Who are scared of the slightest change that eliminates.
I'm sick of being a constant that is negligible during a definite integration.
Who are disposable when the such circumstances are known.

All I'm saying is,
I'm sick of being a constant.
And for now,
I want things to change.

Act I - Prologue

When things didn't end well
They often make my eyes swell
For all the time i borrow
It mostly ended in sorrow

Act II - Different

I think it's gonna be different
How on earth that I'm one of the constant
Things should change
Else I'm the one who's derange

Act III - Constant

I was wrong
Like that one song
That's already recorded
It's unchanged

Act IV - Epilogue

I was never good at farewell
So, do tell
Come closer and speak
About the kind of ending you seek

Alright kids, let me tell you a bed time story.
This is a story about love.
About falling in love in first sight.
About how true it is.

Chapter 1.
The love of my brief life.

There was a girl. Her name reminds me of flower.
Every morning she blooms and radiate a good scent that boost my serotonin up.
Some part of me said, "i need to pick that flower"
And so i did.

Days after days, that flower become prettier.
I fell in love.

The more i know about her, the more i fall in love.
Her scent might be temporary, but the rotten things she keeps, they intrigued me.
So i studied about her.
The flower that blooms.
I studied her until it eventually wilted.

Chapter 2.
The rebound that last longer than i think it will.

This one is about a girl that her name sounds like sun.
She rises, give lights to dark edges of earth that might not want to get up.
She shines, give lives for those who needed her while exposing all the sad faces out.
She is warm.

But not for a long time.
Until clouds take her lights away from me.

She fell in love with the cloud.
While I, dropped in tears.
Crying about the dead flower.

Chapter 3.
The hope.

This one, is about goddess.
Giving me shade to hide from the sun and clouds.
Giving me something to lean on when i'm down.
Giving me hope.
That she can grow as many flowers i want.
Or as many suns i needed.

Just like actual goddess,
She give me strength.

Chapter 4.
The truth.

Kids, this one is about me.
This is about me ******* everythings up.
I might/might not ******* this one.
But let me tell you the truth, kids.

This is not a story about how i met your mother,
This is a story how every one of them is almost become your mother.
This is a story how i shouldn't end up alone while in fact i might.
This is a story about you guys, might not be exist.
This is a story about me, crying in my own funeral while burying myself and giving myself an eulogy.
This is a story about how i almost complete.
And yet, i might/might not ***** up right before the finish line.

So kids, if you ever exist, let me tell you something.
All of that stories are true loves.
But, you can't fake a true love, no matter how true it is.
You can't trust anyone just like you can't trust your heart.
In fact, you can't trust me either,
I'm the one who speaking with the non-existent.
Maybe i'm rumbling
Or God knows,
Maybe i'm talking to the future.

'1. Acquire your target, scout them for a while before you make your move.
2. Make your move, approach them blatantly and get to know them.
3. Talk to them every day, every night, or even every single time. You need to put your effort in this step.
4. Ask them about their day, about their work, about every ******* single thing that come up to your mind.
5. Open up to them. So that they can open up to you.
6. Open up more, about every childhood trauma, family-related stuff, about past relationships. Open up about your past.
7. Open up more, about your plans and what ifs, about promises, about your future that you might share with them.
8. Open up more, about yourself, about how you love to hug them, how you love to spend time with them, how you.... Need them.
9. Open up more, about your true feeling towards them, about how you love their smell, their voice, their glares. About how you love them.
10. Open up more. Until you have nothing to open up.
11. Don't open up, hide something from them, lie to them if necessary. Do your best to keep those lie believable. Deny those lie when they find out. Say no to every single question they ask.
12. Open up again, about the truth. About how you felt sorry for lying to them (if it's true).
13. Open up again, about how you don't want them to go.
14. Open up again, show your vulnerability by crying out loud to make them stay.
15. Open up again, open the door so that they can leave, with their heart broken.
And probably yours too.

There is a list of things that I wish I remember.
First, ...............
Oh no, nevermind, I just forgot what the things are.

But I'm sure that there are things that I just can't forget.
Like the first time I saw you and the first time I talk to you. It might sounds cheesy but I just can't forget about it.

I can't forget the way your mouth curled up when you smile, or the way your eyes disappear when you laugh.
I can't forget your sparkly eyes when you talk about your day.
I can't forget your hand that shy to hold mine.

I can never forget the warmth of your hug, nor the tears you gave when you had a rough day.

It's hard to forget that I love you.
And the fact that I am loving you right now.

No, I don't want to forget you.
Not when I'm in love with you.

But there are things that I wish I remember, that the sparks are temporary, that you might one day look at me the way you look at your classmates, that your mouth might not want to say any love words, that your eyes might seems straight and empty when you look at me.

Those things, will eventually break my heart. Since I keep telling myself that you're the love of my life at least every time I look at your pictures. Since I keep saying that you're the one, whenever I read the old conversations of us.

I wish I can always remember that those pains will eventually come. But I can't. I am too busy denying those facts. So, I end up forgetting it.

I wish I remember other things, like the way you mad at me when I broke my promise. Or the way you ignore me when I became too protective. Or the day when you don't even want to touch me because you were so angry.

Yes, there are things that we wish we remember, that spark is temporary, but love might be permanent.
That love is not just about the times when we hug, but also the times when we fight.
That love is not about the first days of our lives, but it is about the journey.
I wish i remember that love...
Will leave.

Love is sometimes near.
As near as hugs yet still trying to get closer.

Love is sometimes special.
It's discovering new things and embrace them.

Love is sometimes warm.

But some other times,
Love is far.
Sometimes it's untouchable nor reachable.
But you won't feel the distance.

Love is basic.
Sometimes it's the same old things that happen continuously.
But you cherish it anyway.

Love is cold.
Sometimes it's much colder,
And yet you can feel her warmth.

Because,
Love is there.
Every single day.
Every single night.
Every second.
Every blink of an eye.