I had a dream you were still touching me.
it was different though now you were ******* me.
And I wanted out and I wanted away
the bathrooms were filthy
And I wasn't okay
And I couldn't wake up
And I wanted to die.
You wouldn't leave me alone
And I couldn't. Figure out why.
I'm older in the dream
But I'm weak around you
and your face is different.
But it's you.
And you couldn't have me
if it was up to me.
No I would cut my belly wide
I would open it , see inside
and I would bleed until
I died
And that's what I did.

only at night
under a pale full moon
when dancing for desires great throws  the ocean is tilting
my heart quakes a grey tone  ambience
full throttle down to my toes
and I know in my brains heart
it's time to let go
but I hold on to pleasures
cause it's all I've ever known.  
what pointless existence
is begging me live
when all I have
nothing
is left to give
and dreams of sinners
torture my soul still
I'm waking in mornings
to try to live longer
then thoughts that are seeping
into my mind
are ripping a part
all of my freshly bleached blinds
and I tried to keep the sun out
I tried to hold the rays back
hide from that moon when she beckons me home
but the oceans still tilting
threaten pulling me in
the thoughts constantly seeping wearing me thin.

Steam pressed cheeks
Mine to yours but think
Polorized.
You couldn't give me any more of your face.
But I would take beyond time
And hope you can breathe.

Those vitaman's taste good not in my throat
My tension so tight
My esophagus pressurize upward
Before anything can fall down wards
And I'm removing and rejecting
Sustence for escaped air
Or rather unescapable air
Trapped in the center of my throat
Below the voice box
Above the acid pit
And directed exactly
To push on my lungs
Lean on my heart
And it's going I think but I'll tell you this
It's weaker anyway
And will be
When I poison myself
With lies about where courage come from...
It's not from this if I didn't make myself clear...
It's not from begging for cardiac arrest with hunger suppressants
Which take over your entire being.  
Like I said, clamped down so tightly is my tension that my esophagus lets not a thing out nor in.