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Haley Upton May 2015
She who lives in
Darkness and in light
Entertaining her precious soul
While dancing in the flames
Flaring in the depths of her mind
Master of thought
Commander of thought
Dreamer of cloud height dreams
Fantasizer of dreams shrouden in black smoke
Eyes as receptors to the world
The black hallowed earth around her
She walks this black earth
She who is
The Hallowed Maiden
Haley Upton May 2015
Imagine
Imagine being forced
To think about
      Every single thing
           Every single
                terror
                and
                horror.
Imagine
Imagine having something
Inside of you that you can’t
                run
                away
                from.
Imagine wondering how
Those around you
      Fail to notice
How close you are
                to
                collapse.








Imagine
Imagine plastering
                A smile
                On
      Your face
So you don’t have to
Let people see the true
      Cracks
               in
                    your
                              skin.
Imagine
Imagine having your fears
      Taking such a
                Hold of you
That you no longer
                recognize
                happiness.












Imagine
Imagine feeling abnormal
                Like an
                           alien
                    in your
                            own world.
Fear
Fear going outside
       Into the daylight
Imagine
       For one
              Second
How you would feel
                if.
                every.
                single.
                thing.
                around.
                you.
had the possibility
                of
                terrifying
                you.






Imagine
Fear
Fear getting into
                Your
                Car.
You can’t run
       away
       from
The images
Of the people you
Might ****
       the crashes
You might cause
                A week
                     Later.
                A month
                          Later.
The images are still
                with
                       you.
The sight of your
                Car
       Sends a signal
       To that thing inside of you
To open the gates of
       Your own hell


Could you **** someone
                today?
What if
What if you don’t
See that car turning
Because your thoughts
Won’t let go of the
                fear
                    of
                        that
                               happening.
You would never
       In a million
                years
       Voluntarily hurt
                someone
That is the perfect
                sustenance
                for anxiety.
Turning you into a monster
       Inside your own head
Imagine
Imagine having to get
In your car and
Smile at your
       passenger
                as
                   though
       nothing. Is. wrong.
They don’t see
                Your
                Knuckles
Turn white
       As you grip
The steering wheel
       They miss your
Face harden into
A perfected mask
       Of indifference
While your thoughts
       Are searing the
Inside of your skull
                racing
                a million
                miles
                a minute.
They don’t know
That all you want
To do is crawl inside
                yourself
       And sleep forever
They can’t imagine
       The terror of
Fearing the one thing
       That you can’t
                Run away from
Imagine being trapped
                In your own mind.
This poem was designed to emulate the racing thoughts that happen when having an anxiety attack, coming from a person who suffers from an anxiety disorder.

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