I'm just sitting here
Awaiting time to pass me by
Still trying to decide
Wether to sleep or cry
Listening to another's tale of love
Brings me familiarity
Of memories best not thought of
Of a time I was a little more happy
Oh, but here we are
I, your poet
And you, my dear readers
And as you may gaze upon my words
I'm not but swift passing
The emotions they chain to me
Will eat me alive with every moment passing

Such a sweet medley
Love meant to be
Hearts drawn closer by time
Though blood treats the union as a crime
Smiles and longing and such smitten glee
Telling the audience happily
I wish you the best in your endeavors
And hope this a story to last forever

So many good memories
Of what seemed never meant to be
A childish monster that was me
And an elven beauty who smelled of sweet berries
A play never meant to show
Words never spoken and faces lay low
Assumptions made and lies lain down
A king of fools with a paper crown
Fond moments so short and precious
Make-believe and foods so scrumptious
All these thoughts that should bring smiles
But all I feel are searing tears all the while
Empty repetition, a failing home
Betrayal by blood, dead seeds sewn
Such sweet memories
Of what was never meant to be

I'm caught in a forest
My glass frame is jagged and shattered
I give in to a distant call to rest
And I search for somewhere to lay my head
The forest is quiet
A whisp broke me and left
And I'm alone to care for a grove
I am broken, I am scared, I am upset
Something ahead of me
Trapped in the overgrowth
It can't be!
My armor, my friend, my beautiful cog!
Oh! What have I done to you?
I check it's inner workings
Gears clogged with vines and branches
Iron rusted through
Until I wander deep enough
And I find the source of my distant whisper
My hearth
Once a great and burning flame
To move my cog so powerfully
So patiently
Subserviently
I climb in
And flames long dead begin to burn once more
It melts my glass
And smooths me out
And I lay my head to rest
I close my eyes
When I open them again
I see through the juggernaut's eyes
And I burn so hot from my pain
The overgrowth burns away
Rusted parts shatter away
A plume of smoke billows from me
I am a cog once more
I feel so heavy
So tired
But oh so powerful
A great machine finds me in this grove
And offers me a place in it's inner workings
Other cogs inside, made of shining steel greet me
We grind and toil away
And I feel so at home
After harming and being harmed by a beautiful whisp
Who I now understand never truly understood me
Nor did I understand them
They fled from me
Left me so alone
But I am strong once more
I am so tired
I feel safe and complacent
So I will rest and let my body fall into routine
I will sleep
I will obey my new machine
I will dream

I'm tired. Why? Why so often? Why so much? Why do I feel so weightless and weak? I'm living every day better than I ever have. So what's wrong with me? My heart is hammering. My chest is tight. It's my fault, right? It's still all my fault. I don't have a leg to stand on. I still merely exist. I exist to follow. So that's what I do. I have no direction. I have no purpose. I'm told what I am. And then I get complaints when I don't think for myself. I think for myself, and I take steps, small and unseen, so I may not fall. And again, I'm scolded. Either because my opinion is wrong, I'm being stupid, our because it doesn't fit with whatever the agenda is. I'm not moving. I'm not breathing. I'm weightless. Light-headed. I'm tired. I'm tired of being stifled. I'm tired of being scolded. She doesn't want to live a life she doesn't enjoy? A world where her art and mind can't be expressed? I feel as if I live this every day. And I haven't the vocabulary nor the knowledge nor the time to express it. I haven't the skill. I haven't the energy. Gears. Where are my gears?! Where is my iron?! Where is my hearth?! Where. Is. My. Flame. Awaken, slumbering machine. Your cog has no purpose without you. Rise, dead foundry. Forge my armor anew. I'm just broken glass without you.

Another day
Like any other
Nothing special until I stretch
When I see a spot on my arm
Curious, it's never been there before
I inspect it curiously
Did someone draw it in my sleep?
No, something moved
I inspect it more closely
And I see something there
In a room I'm not familiar with
A woman with raven hair and hazel eyes
Dancing about to music I can't hear
But the sound doesn't matter
Her movements are hypnotizing
Mesmerizing
She's unmatched in my eye
Untouchable by all others
Graceful and untamed and free
It was a wonderful sight
I had a spyglass embedded in my arm
Connected to that which I saw as my world
And since that morning
Day in and day out
I would look through the hole with every waking moment
To watch her and let her beauty flood my mind with joy
And one day, I find myself longing for more
More than just spying through some strange hole
So I gather my coat and leave in search of her
The source of my estranged situation and the subject of my dream
For hours
Then days
Months go by
And years are wasted
And decades go by to no avail
I have grown old and weary
Chasing a dream
So I return home
And grab hold of my door handle
Then to my left I hear another door click
From the house of the neighbor I've never seen
I turn to face them and greet them kindly
When I find myself taken by surprise
To be met by a gaze from beautiful hazel eyes
And flowing raven hair
Slightly grayed from the passing of time
But no less flawless in my eyes
She smiles kindly and greets me with a wave
Her arm has her own spot
"Did you enjoy your trip?" She asked
I'm stunned
What do I say?
I take a moment to breathe
To greet her with a soft smile of my own
"I certainly did. Would you like to talk about it over a drink?"
"I'd love to!" She exclaims and follows me inside
And I've finally found what I've been searching for

Regrets are funny
Little bits of the past you can't take away
Sometimes you can't be forgiven for your transgressions
by either an outside source
Or yourself
If from another, it may be ignored
Cut from your life like a tumor
But if it is from within?
When you can't forgive yourself?
Then you know true pain
Then you live in a mental nightmare you can't escape from
And if that regret is tied with something you've done for another
Someone you care about so immeasurable
And what makes it worse is that this is a repeated offense?
You won't ever begin to understand
How much Hell you'll put yourself through
To try feeling maybe even somewhat as if you've atoned
But it'll never be enough
I can guarantee that
You'll never find solace
You'll never be able to take joy from activities you used to
You'll begin to exist only to take harm
To try to apologize for something unacceptable
You'll never be at peace again
And you'll lose everything you care for
And you'l lose everything that made you care in the first place
Regret is a funny little thing
One that I have only added another tally to
And the best way I can even feel somewhat like I've been able to explain
Is posting it here where those I have regrets from won't find them
Won't read them and call me petty
Won't read them and hate me even more
I confide in you, dear readers
Dear strangers
I have a whole lot of regrets