a doctor once told me I had a cracked spine
and it all made sense because
I always seemed to fall in your direction.

but maybe I'm not afraid of heights
our falling from them
just the noise my heart makes when it hits the ground.

I need a new endoskeleton
to keep my heart from getting punctured
or maybe my current one is just tired of the bruises.

you want to know how I got these scars?
I ripped every memory of you out of my heart
and out of my mind and sacrificed them
to the part of me every time you
come into my vision screams "move on".

just when I started to get over you
I saw your face again and realized:
I will never be able to be just friends with you.

when the space between us went from
the gap between my fingers
to the distance from here to the MilkyWay
I told myself:
fire and water don't mix,
but when they love, they love passionately.

but unfortunately,
my local supermarket doesn't sell a band aid
able to fix a heart.
and my mother never taught me how to sew.

but tell me I'm not crazy when you were the one
who taught me to be thankful when my lungs filled with air.
how can it be a crime to come home late
from wondering what it would be like to wake up next to you everyday?

and I had a front row seat to watch
you give her everything I once gave you.
and with every syllable,
I swallow yet another piece of my heart.
but I do not complain.
for what good is art if it is not shared?

loving you was self-destruction.
I treated you as if you were the sun
and I were the flowers; I needed you.
But I guess the sun doesn't need the flowers
as much as the flowers need the sun.

but you were always my biggest muse.

(s.j.b.)

I'm waiting. Just waiting. For someone to sweep me off my feet. For someone to make every little touch of pain turn into butterflies in my stomach. For someone to make my darkness turn into sunlight and fireworks. But I am exhausted. My trust in love is slowly, but surely, fading into nothingness. My heart is so torn apart that everything seems vague and grey. When you walked away you took my happiness with you, and I am not sure whether it's the absence of you or the loss of my humanity that makes my eyes wet at 4 a.m. I don't know if I miss you. I don't know if I still love you. And I certainly don't know how to move on without you.

it's raining and i can't help but
think about how funny it is that
even rain starts and stops and darling
last night i spent hours burning matches
that flickered and faded and left little
marks on my skin and everything
seems to come and go and believe me
i'm okay with that but you were the one
thing i was hoping would stay