Looking through my messages.
****, I used to have friends once.
What happened? What changed?
I happened, I changed.

Not as sweet as I used to be,
Not as stupid as I used to be.

So weird, so twisted,
who would like to be your friend?

No one was there,
no one wanted to be there
to help me with my pain,
to wipe my tears away.

No one cared for the wicked creature,
for the broken ******* the floor,
crying herself to death,
drowning with her own tears.

It's ok now, I'm alright.
There's nothing to worry about.
I'm just gonna smile, like I always do
and you're just gonna pretend you believe, like you always do.
Just like we always do.

You say I'm quiet,
you say I'm stupid.
I say you're low,
I suggest you grow.

Yeah, yeah, I know.
Next time we meet
I should probably show
how far I can actually go.

Crawl back to mama,
make a big drama.
Nothing you can do,
not a ******* clue.

Maybe I'm the *****,
maybe I'm the *****.
But I'm not the one
that has to bow low.

New year, new school,
new class, new rule.
Everything again,
the same old pain.

Darkness, my old friend,
I thought I've put an end.
I thought you were gone,
I thought there was none.

Again, I'm wrong,
for me there's no happy song.
Same pain in my chest
never lets me rest.

'Smile when you're happy.
Smile to be happy.'
That's what they say,
but that's not the way.

Always smiling,
but inside I'm dying.
So sick of pretending to be alright.
There's nothing to hold on tight.

'You'll be OK, it will be fine.'
When's the question, when's that time?
Soon I'll break down,
it may happen before the dawn.

So ashamed of myself,
the fat pathetic self.
Can't even look in the mirror,
always needing a pillow.

I never cry.
The trick is to try
to hide everything in you,
to never bother with your view.

Brother, sister and family,
they all keep it happily.
Cheerful and energetic,
not like me - pathetic.

Only music succeeds,
my dark thoughts beats.

#depressed #sad #pathetic #shame #fat

****, another thing goes wrong,
another dream passes like a song.

Okay, okay,
but I'm not.

Feel so disappointed,
shouldn't have tried after all.

Didn't wanna hear this,
****, stupid tears.

Maybe I **** after all,
maybe I'm the one who'll fall.

Have been flying too high,
end up with a banged head.

Feels like failing's the only thing for me,
feels like it's the only thing I do.

You left us when I was 8,
your birthday turned into a funeral.

We were wishing you health,
while you were dying.

My brain told me to cry,
my heart couldn't believe it.

It's not possible.
You can't be under the ground.
You're gonna return one day.
You're gonna cross the threshold again.

All I was thinking about was you,
now I can't even remember you.

I've forgotten the colour of your eyes,
the timbre of your voice,
the shape of your lips,
the length of your hair.

Now you're laying down there.
Down there, six feet under.

I bet it's quiet.
I bet it's lonely.
I bet it's cold.
I bet it's dark.
I bet you like it.

I was looking at you.
You were looking at her.

I was waiting for you.
You were waiting for her.

I was thinking about you.
You were thinking about her.

You never even noticed me.
She never even noticed you.

I cried for you.
You cried for her.

I loved you and you knew.
I loved you but you loved her.