on my own words
on regret
on misunderstanding
on rage

choking myself over and over
for things i cant help and cant change
and never going blue in the face
because evil doesn't need to breathe

challenging my own thoughts
battling my own mind
it isn't all-or-nothing
i will not overgeneralize
the positive things are there
not jumping to conclusions
just because i feel it, doesn't mean it's true
no regrets, only now
i can do this
i can get better

deep breaths
calming down
get a fist around your emotions
think about them
discuss with them
get rid of the unnecessary ones
no more panicking
no more breaking down
lets get this together
and rise up

go on
keep doing your thing
keep feeling loved by whoever loves you
keep feeling like a ******* if you want
do whatever, i don't care
keep on keepin' on, as they say
i'll be fine over here, i promise

besides, did you ever want me to be okay?
or did you just want me to live so it wasn't your fault when i died?

i'm done with you
and i'm done with this
bye-bye :)

i could tell you
for hours on end
how much i loathe myself
how every time i breathe
life feels like a disgusting virus
burrowing inside me
i could tell you about the days that i starved myself
hoping it would end me
i could tell you about the frightening speed
at which i can tie a noose
and you would never understand that i want to live

i cold tell you about my past
my real past
not california
but nine years of being beaten and neglected
then jumped around foster care
finally, finally getting a home
but you know how that is
and you would never understand that i need them

i know that i hurt you
i know you never felt like you should have
i know i never made you happy
i know i "got into your head" whatever that means
you know all of these things too
but you will never understand how much it hurt me

not you
you did nothing but try to save yourself
i hurt myself
its the only thing i'm good at
and i'm sorry you got hurt in the process.

wandering
through space and time
no
through my house
from one room to the next
knowing it isn't my home

wondering
who will be next
to fall under my blade
who can i hurt
more than the last

but the beauty of it is
eventually
you learn how to live without love
and when you're alone
the only person you can hurt is
you

everything
just
everything