nevaeh

nevaeh Mar 2020

a dream

i hardly remember
maybe one day i will share it
but it was nice
and it is mine
like a secret
i want to keep it for myself
because lately it seems
that not many things are

the little i'll say
is that he wore a halo
and the sky was beautiful
beneath us

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

#dreams

nevaeh Mar 2020

rules

i know you want this to go smoothly
and i know you're trying to make it easier
so i only have one rule to add.

until you are 100% done with me,

you CAN NOT fall in love
with someone else

nevaeh Mar 2020

distance

i dont know what you want
but if it isnt me
then just move on
cut the cord now
instead of straining it
until it snaps
because dragging me along
will only hurt me more
so please
unless you really want this
dont take it
because it's all i have left

i love you, and i probably always will, but if you cant understand how you feel yourself, then please dont let me think you love me too.

#love #hurt #pain #moving #on

nevaeh Mar 2020

II

im so sorry
i wish i could be her again
the girl with a crush
reading a poem
at lunch
not talking about
the elephant in the room
silly and kind
lovely

she is tarnished
frayed
splintered
broken

and that poem can never be the same

because i
will never be the same

he wrote me poems that i cant even read anymore because they hurt me now

nevaeh Mar 2020

writing

all these words that mean nothing
it doesn't even make me feel better
just
exhausted and alone
in the library
at a table
doing nothing important
but tiring myself out
so i don't make any more
stupid decisions
it means nothing
to you
but everything
to me

nevaeh Mar 2020

godfuckingfuck

it is physical pain
it is literally ripping me apart
an animal
it wants me dead
and i wish i were

it is a toxin
injected in my lungs
my throat burns
with things
i cant say

it is heavy
and black in my stomach
i cant eat
it will **** me
and i cant leave him again

it is a tumor
in my brain
swelling
and filling my skull
but i feel empty

it is terrible
i cant do this
it
is
me

nevaeh Mar 2020

irrational wishes of now

i can live with forever
but still
every time i see him
my lungs squeeze tighter
and i just wish he would kiss me
one more time
before forever comes

i am truly pathetic and i couldnt care less

#**** #this #is #hard