I turned 18, in december, 12 of 2016. Being eighteen was the year of my senior year. I am class of 2017, proudly graduated. Eighteen was the year I lost my virginity to a random, a week after my birthday. Sometimes he keeps touch to me. We had *** last night actually. Eighteen was the year of my first time ever being able to free my sexuality. I'm more sexually active than i thought i could imagine. Being 18, was the first time I tried **** and cigarettes.  I had my first new years eve kiss, along with ***. That same month, i fell in love with a guy a year older than me. His name was Chad. Broke my heart 2 weeks after. March, I tried acid for the first time. Amazing experience. Same month, started talking and fell in love with a boy same age as me. Broke my heart. Gave him another chance. He lied, used me to lose his virginity in July. That same summer of June, hooked up with a guy 2 years older than me. Didn't think of him much. Thought he was gonna be a one time thing, but we saw each again and again. Caught feelings for him. He was the only guy i was ever comfortable being naked. I loved how sweet he was. We ended stopped talking end of summer because he lives far. He actually hit me up weeks ago. Told me if i was ever in his city, to hit him up. Not gonna lie, i kinda still like him. August, i gave some guy road head while his homie was in the back. He didn't pay attention. I tried committing suicide this year. None of my parents cared enough. I'm not in college because of my immigration status. Something that i ******* hate. October, another guy (a senior in hs) used me to lose his virginity. Got over it. ****** another 2 guys that same month. It's November now. I love the taste of alcohol. I love the feeling of being drunk. I'm starting to like going to bailes. I learned alot in the past 11 months. I've learned to stop letting guys manipulate me. I've learned to be safe at ***. I've learned that i do not want to settle down in a relationship. Not now. I love being single. I've learned my best friend since 7th grade, isn't my best friend anymore and that's okay. I'm still young, and i will continue to grow and find new people along the way. I've learned that i hate eating meat. Except chicken. What i do wanna prepare myself, is that i wish i could learn to love myself. I don't love my body. Starting on that soon. Next month, I'll be 19. Hopefully, good things will happen to me.

We spent two weeks texting each other
Upon those weeks
We only saw each other twice.
The first time I met you,
My heart fluttered
I love you so much
I always wanted to say this to you.
You held my hand so tightly
As if I was your world.
Your soft warm gentle kisses,
Made me fall in love with you even more.
After the first day was over,
I wouldn't think you would text me back.
But you did.
You loved spending time with me,
That you wanted to meet the next Saturday.
Every single day
We texted looking forward to each day.
Your good mornings
You calling me baby
You ending up missing me when I take a nap
I love the smallest things about you
My feelings for you
Only grew.
Saturday came along.
We met again.
We kissed.
We had ***.
And we kissed again.
I told you that I was falling for you really hard.
You only said "That's okay."
For the first time,
I finally told you that I loved you even though my heart was racing fast.
"I love you too."
With those words, I felt safe.
I felt complete with you.
Our day together was perfect.
Even just the quiet car rides,
was perfect with you.
It was that until you parked into my house to drop me off.
I looked at your eyes.
Those hazel eyes were full of sadness.
I couldn't wrap my head what you were thinking.
I could only give you a kiss.
A kiss that I knew, would be our last.
A kiss that I wish that was longer.
Wish you were mine.

Everything is an element of mysterious wonders
Yet I can't solve the aspect of your being
You left me broken into pieces
Disappeared out of mid air
I can only bring you back
If I close my eyes
and dream of
you

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Liar, Liar, Liar,
That's what you are
Talking to other girls
Telling them words every girl wants to hear
Oh boy, you have us wrapped around your finger

Liar, Liar, Liar
You turned my back on me
You left my heart broken in pieces
"Please don't leave me.."
You said as I listened to those four words of yours

Liar, Liar, Liar
You never changed at all
I shouldn't had gave you a second chance
Shame on me
Goodbye