I guess I just expected you to care a lot more than you did

Love is respect and I respect everyone I meet
It's then you're responsibility to let it fall or let it keep

i want to start something -
pick up an instrument, a brush, a flash -
want to get this thing inside of me
                                                                                                                 out

sweet and sharp
a cluster of contradictions that
ebb  and   flow   smoothly
from one
e x t r e m e  t o    a   n   o   t   h   e   r

it
feels electric, burning, bright - like the stars
are under my skin
leaving me thrumming, aching
it ZINGS
Rings
Round and round my
head
heart
home

mostly it is the darker days,
   provoking thought.
tracing memories from
   forgotten fingertips.

words silenced.
voices forgotten.
perfect mornings.
  always changing.

    mostly it's the same.

feeling reality,
    fleeing god.

tonight, it's perfectly
clear to me.
I allow you to do this to me.

The mask I wear today will be my face for all to see,
The smiles that I show will cover up the real me,
The sorrow and despair I feel will never be revealed,
The truth that I can never speak shall ever be concealed.

The mask I wear today is not the same as yesterday,
The secrets that it hid were not so hard to keep away,
The worry and the shame I feel were not what I had planned,
The truth that eats away at me much more than I can stand.

The mask I wear today will not be the last I don,
The scars that it protects will never heal as time goes on,
The horror and the fear I feel will follow where I roam,
The truth that overshadows me is all I can call home.

The mask I wear today is the only me that you could know,
The face that lies beneath holds nothing that I'd want to show,
The cold and dark I feel will stay forever in these lines,
The truth that each one holds is what this bleeding ink confines.