You spoke of suicide,
And I fell apart like a lost puppy,
Unsure of how to help,
In retrospect I should have been strong,
Faced the tumbling sky,
With head and shoulders upwards,
But now that you're gone,
I can't help but feel ashamed,
knowing that even with,
Those monsters lurking within you,
I would have stayed.
I guess I didn't have a chance to,
tell you enough.

Happy Valentines day my dear,
you'll have my ear,
The same way you held my heart,
And I pray that year after year,
Your new babe and you won't split apart.
Emotions will always be my handicap,
Crippling how my brain makes its choices.
I was pressuring you to say what is on your mind,
Without realising that suicide was on your mind,
I guess....I should have paid closer attention,
But now ...time ticks over time,
All I'm left with is the memories of you.
Thank you for everything dear.

When I was a teen,
I went to school like any other kid,
Struggling over acne I can't rid,
Lifting weights so my weight was hid,
Pivoted on a group of friends,
Who never knew what words end,
So when they ripped on a kid whose sister died of sids,
I stood back and watch this kid's world end.
I tried to help, confiding with him,
Taking the time to let him know I was with him,
Giving him the heads up of what the others were going to do,
And made sure his hellish world a little less blue.
But I was afraid thanks to this hollywood lies of popularity,
As though being hated was so frowned upon,
When being hated meant bearing a heart.

Don't get me wrong,
I never really did ever grow strong,
But I was mixed in with the wrong crowd,
As though insults to injury made people proud,
And a cigarette in your fingers meant you're well endowed.

I didn't really fit in myself,
They would say things like,
No one would put you on a pedestal cause you'll break the shelf,
But the only thing that ever broke was my self esteem.
Broken bones and bruises came and go,
But the words that they preached to me is all I know,
So when I was sober at a show,
They fed me with alcohol and told me to party more,
Looking around surrounded by guys treating girls like ******,
And people who saw hearts and souls as toys and objects.
But I had a brittle voice never able to speak clear enough to object,
And when the school found out my father had died,
The jokes never ended at body image jokes, and all I did was sigh.
They shunned down on intellect,
Like if you were smart "go eat an insect".
They wore it on their shoulder with pride,
Of how they never once ever did hide,
And they were cool because they made a person,
feel "rekt".

So the words they tried to preach,
And the lessons they tried to teach,
Was you aren't cool enough if you aren't perfect,
But the real lesson instilled in me, was that I was perfect.
They hid behind hidden cameras,
Taking photos of torture and suffering,
Like they were engaged to it.
They were no better than me,
They had their own burdens but mine they couldn't carry,
So as tales are told, I learnt....
The weaker you are, the more strength you have got to show.

I don't know who I am,
I don't know what I am,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to be,
All I know is,
When you left you took something with you,
Something that made me feel like I knew things,
Something that allowed certainty to flow through my veins,
You took something,
And now I don't know what it was.

She was an artist, who drew me into her life.
The way she’d paint my name on her canvas.
The way she swept me away with every blank verse.

But one fact remained,

She drew me into her life only to smudge me into different shades,
Painted my name in watercolour as my name was smeared off the page,
And with every blank verse I fell, plummeting into an uncertain oblivion.

She was an artist,
Who got sick and tired of dead colours,
So she drew colours from broken hearts,
And bruised emotions.

"He could not dance",
That was what he was told,
And given a chance,
He might have nothing to behold.

It didn't stop him from trying,
Because upon the dance floor,
He felt as though he was flying,
A bird without wings yet could soar.

To afraid to look a fool, he took classes,
Where he was sat between other dancers,
Attention aroused by female asse....glasses,
He found his one true calling, the answer.

He went upon the floor in stride,
Holding every piece of him up high,
And with every inch of pride,
He let out an ensemble of moves without try.

So if they ever said he could never dance,
Best believe that if he was given a chance,
He could make tears roll down faces,
By the way his body move and paces.

So don't let people define what you can,
Or can't do.

I wonder if God
    sees our numbered
breaths, how many
     have been & how
many are left,
millions of digits
    shifting above
our heads;
the old woman
 on the park bench
        with just 500 left. 
The jogger with 100
   between now &
        tonight when he
will exhale
     for a final time.
I should scale mountains,
         stare at the sun
  make my amount
  count, every last one.

It's Valentines and here's a gift,

To show that I love you,

I'm leaving and I won't be back,

Goodbye and toodle-ooo