To get over you

Do you ever hurt
And stop and think,
Is it the disease
Or is it me?

But then,
You realize that
It doesn't matter
Because the disease
Is you

Why is it so easy for me
To love you,
Yet so hard for me
To love myself?

You stole my heart
You didn't ask permission
And even though you're done with me,
You still haven't given it back

I have spent months building
All kinds of walls
To keep you out

I haven't seen you
So these walls have been working,
But I worry

Because I know the universe will make me see you again,
And I'm afraid that when I do,
You'll take one look at me,
And all my prized, intricate walls
Will instantly fall to rubble

And you'll casually stroll across
My ever so familiar threshold,
And right back in,
To me

Baby,
I'm like a piñata
You have to hit me
In the right spot,
With enough force
To be rewarded
With my sweet

We are stopped for special checks
At TSA and immigration

We are murdered
In our house of worship
Six innocent lives lost
Oak Creek Gurdwara, 2012

Racial slurs hit our hearts:
*******
ISIS
Towel head

Out of fear
We stop wearing our beautiful salwar kameezes, lenghas, saris, and kurta pajamas
In colors and embroidery your clothes could only ever dream of
We take off our crowns you call turbans
And replace them with baseball caps

We think twice about speaking Punjabi,
Our mother tongue,
Around those that don't recognize it

We stop packing our grandma's handmade saag and roti
To school for lunch
And start eating
Processed Lunchables

We separate into two people
Our American selves
And our Punjabi selves
Almost never does anyone meet both

All because
You don't know
The difference
Between a Sikh and a terrorist