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firstdraftfolder Dec 2024
how eerie it is to watch the unfathomable happen
right before our eyes, burning through
our privilege, destroying our make believe borders of protection.
neatly trimmed bushes, newly painted streets
yet there it is, the pandemonium of
the violence, the fear
scrolling through feeds to see lives taken
by the tip of a fuel raged knife
or by the impact of a charged bullet.
what was once seen on our tv,
now happening two blocks down
how unraveling to see that
our backyards are burning.
what are we doing? our backyards are burning
firstdraftfolder Dec 2024
not quite the beginning
but not the conclusive ending
there is no dramatic sadness
nor joyful champions

this is the hedges of the story
not included in the final manuscript
left out and scratched off
for this is neither interesting nor satisfying
morning coffee thoughts
firstdraftfolder Dec 2024
i am learning how to swim
from the pedals to the butterfly,
feeling the water glide across my body
catapulted by my own device.

i am learning how to hold it in,
taking deep breaths- inhaling the chlorinated air
with quick gasps of relief,
as my lungs brave forth.

i am learning how to love
with the pieces left from familiar traumas,
to trust myself and others
as we open our arms in embrace.

i am learning how to live
where no one knows how to deal with life
and bravados are carefully maintained,
and anxiety is one thing we all share.

i am learning how to mourn,
to sit down with the losses,
and let the dam of tears flood
the pain and regrets of yesterday.
firstdraftfolder Dec 2024
i've yet to break out of my shell
i've yet to know who i am
i've yet to find a purpose

yet i've died a million times
rebirthed into a vacuous cocoon
wrapped, trapped, in restraints

i've yet to break
i've yet to live
i've yet to love

yet you have lost me too many times
you've yet to know me
you've yet to love me

you've yet to accept me
yet you say you love me,
trapped
but i've yet to find my own strength
and once i do -
i will break out
i will live
i will love
i will be.
firstdraftfolder Dec 2024
chip, chip, chop
goes the woodpecker
gnawing at the plank
till it hits the core

chip, chip, chop
it gets closer and closer
pecking at high speed
till the exterior crumbles

chip, chip, chop
grasping for breath,
removing what’s unnecessary
till the hardened truth is out

chip, chip, chop
how can you live like this?
when is enough enough? when is it time?
till you drop dead in the middle of the night?
what is our purpose? do we work, work, work till the end?
firstdraftfolder Dec 2024
i’m addicted to the intimacy of closeness,
but i detest the limitations of closeness.

i’m addicted to the freedom of openness,
but i detest the infinity of openness.
just another gemini addicted to the contradiction
firstdraftfolder Oct 2024
all my hopes and dreams
from yesterday remind me of
my young innocence

possibilities
staring directly at me
teasing, mocking me

now i chose a path
i long to turn back around
to see the what-ifs
an existential crisis
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