I miss
the cries I never visited
the books I have never read
the hearts I have never broken
the tears I have never shed
I crave
for the love I never got
the thoughts I never had
the smile I never showed
the person I never was

"̶I̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶p̶e̶n̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶,̶
̶I̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶r̶u̶b̶b̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶
̶I̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶r̶a̶f̶t̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶r̶i̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶,̶
̶I̶ ̶f̶a̶i̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶e̶n̶,̶ ̶
̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶l̶a̶n̶d̶s̶c̶a̶p̶e̶s̶
̶l̶a̶c̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶t̶r̶e̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶
̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶m̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶r̶a̶w̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶e̶a̶s̶e̶
̶m̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶n̶e̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶l̶o̶p̶p̶y̶ ̶
̶c̶o̶l̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶a̶k̶
̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶e̶s̶s̶e̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶y̶e̶d̶,̶
̶l̶e̶f̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶c̶o̶m̶p̶l̶e̶t̶e̶.̶"̶

I cried into the darkness,
Tears dripping on notebook paper,
My reasoning scribbled between calculus,
Roommate snoozing as the clock blinked 1:00.
I pulled myself wearily into bed,
Empty Gatorade and pill bottles littered the floor.
I had not realized
Until after I swallowed
I didn't want to die
Anymore.

When I slam,
I am more human
Than humanity before me.

When I slam,
I am the queen
Bathed in poet glory.

When I slam,
I am mine alone.
No other beings touch me.

When I slam,
I am a warrior.
Syllables learn to fear me.