No where or one is home
...Alone
Forced to roam
With other's sins I try to atone

I feel like it is useless trying
No point in crying
I don't want to be lying
But no one would take me in with all the pain I am confiding

It is worse then dying
And with every day the future becomes more terrifying
For now I must face every thing on my own
...Alone

I prayed for peace
I prayed to mend
I prayed so long
I felt condemned

(Version 1)
No one can solve all their problems on their own
But I have bin left behind
Alone
With a broken heart
A disheveled mind
I wish this wasn't my ending but the start
And that there is strength left to find
So I can finally atone
And finally call my self a home
But I remain confined
Alone

(Version 2)
No one can solve all their problems on their own but I have bin left behind alone. With a broken heart, a disheveled mind, I wish this wasn't my ending but the start and that there is strength left to find. So I can finally atone and finally call my self a home but I remain confined alone.

I love you so much I can't resist
You make my feelings twist
I want put on a show
And be the one you kissed

I've bin watching you like a crow
You didn't even know
I can't believe thats some thing you missed
Because of the ways you make me glow

I was always some one you dismissed
But I will persist
I find you too fascinating
I won't desist

I will lie in waiting
Don't worry I'm not hesitating
I am just looking for some where for our love to be consummated
Preferably some where isolating

I want to get you stark naked
You will be the sweetest thing I ever tasted
You will finally be grateful
For helping your love for me be liberated

You will be my little angel
I will be yours and faithful
You're going to be stimulated
I promise it won't be painful

Dear God who brought me to me knees
I know you've never answered me yet
But please answer my pleas
I have paid so many debts
Without racking up any fees
And before I succumb to this disease
Knowing why before I die
Is the only thing can put me at ease

Why was a child defiled
Ravaged brutally when I was innocent
Molested till I was in my own imprisonment
Making me punish my self in equal equivalent
Living a life where death was always imminent
Now Before I go I have to know
Where you just ambivalent?

What is wrong with me?

Am I a fiend
Why is this the most beutiful thing I have ever seen
A body falling like a rose petal
Ending in a flower of twisted metal

A death so horrible it was a crime
Jumping of the tallest building of the time
What pain must of bin going through her heart
And yet I sit and watch her like a piece of art

The Dress
All the stress
All the finesse
All the chaos to make such a perfect mess

An image I will never unsee
**** what is wrong with me?

Is this the end of all my fear
I have built a wall high here
I am ready for this to end
I must stay steady if I am going to fend

I can no longer let this be
I have to get stronger because no one will save me
I am going against an army immense
I have built up my defence, let it commence

Will I win it all
Or will my sin cause me to fall
I will keep on uniting my soul with every breath
I will keep on fighting for my goal until my death

Baptizing
Water rising
Your freedom comes today
Because you can float away

The past has become scars and pains
Trapped in its bars and chains
Let's look towards the stars and move forward with what remains

Birds of a feather flock together
Birds who have a lover fulfil each other
Birds with a nest get some rest
Birds who are alone are left to roam

They made us by hand
A replicant's life is cheap
But they don't under stand
We dream of electric sheep

It's pain full to live in fear
Being a slave who has to comply
4 years to explore the last frontier
Wake up, time to die

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack ships off the shore of orion
But I still can't grieve
After seeing all these people dying

No one will see your crime
No one will see your pain
every thing is lost in time
like tears in the rain

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long
And I have burned so very brightly
But I am not ready to sing my swan song
I will not take this lightly

We were made as well as they could make us but not to last
I have done questionable extraordinary things and revelled in my time
He wouldn't give me more time no matter how I asked
It will now be his turn to run out of time to pay for this crime

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack ships off the shore of orion
But I still can't grieve
After seeing all these people dying

No one will see your crime
No one will see your pain
every thing is lost in time
like tears in the rain

proud of your slef little man, Show me what your made of
Im right here but you have to shoot straight, but shooting straight isn't good enough
You better get it up, I'm gonna have to **** you
6 7 go to hell go to heaven, but still there is nothing you can do

To bad I'm not going to live
But then again who does
I am going to let you survive
Just because

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack ships off the shore of orion
Finally I can grieve
After seeing all these people dying

No one will know my crime
No one will know my pain
I hope every thing is lost in time
like tears in the rain

Time to Die

My heart has paid a fee
I turn a blind eye to what I see
My philosophy has become hypocrisy
What has become of me?

My mind is yearning
Fires churning
Gears pull and turning
But with every pass my soul is burning

I can't explain how I pick them
I don't want to trick'em
But when I do it's your night
I want to be treated you right
Before your my victim

I want you you at ease
I want you on your knees
Because when I feast
I don't say please

I don't expect you to understand
To expect you to know
But to get my fill
I must go in for the ****

Blood against the walls
Screams down the halls
And after it all
I'm alone with just skulls

I don't know how to explain it
I don't know what to say
But when there is blood on your hands
It'll never wash away

Little boy in blue
If only you knew
What you did back then
Changed me and you

You were always so happy
You ran all over the place
Your home life was scary
But it never showed on your face

You had so many friends
You thought would be till the end
Until you moved away
And alone you had to fend

Life became so scary
You hated being home
But here there was bullies
Who wouldn't leave you alone

Over time you grew
Into the man you are today
But still I wish I knew
Who I would have bin if I stayed

I have bin lost for years
Thinking it was a brave new world
And all I needed to be happy was soma
But I have lived a life that has brought many to tears
And to me it just felt like a coma

Sounds reverberating in my ears
My eyes have bin forcefully unfurled
A rotting putrid smell replacing the sweet aroma
I must awaken to face the horrors and my fears
Because if I don't make things right no one els is gonna

She screamed
You fiend
All she could do was ask why
This is worse then it ever seemed
You will never be redeemed

He cried
I thought I shouldn't of lied
I want to fix this, I want us to try
How can you just push me aside
When yesterday you wanted to be my bride

This is a relation ship based on trust
Not lust
I thought you were my ally
What is there to discuss
With out me you will have to adjust

This isn't fair
I still care
This argument is just making it multiply
There is so much more of life to share
With out you I would be in despair

You should of thought of that before your mistake
You knew what was at stake
Time to say good by
This was more then I could take
For my heart to break

Fine I will leave our home
When I all I want to do is atone
I want to do is die
Think about that when you are with another guy
This is a love I will never disown
Even if I am with some one els, my heart will always be alone

First I dug a pit for when I couldn't be brave
It gave me a place to hide
But soon it turned to a grave
And I risked being buried alive

Life was tough
I needed a place I could be free
But soon even a little bit of life was more then enough
And I always needed to flee

If I keep laying here I won't have long
Life has become even more bleak
But I am finally going to have to be strong
Even though I have become so weak

Every high comes with a low
And its time for me to pay
I have to climb out of this hole
And there is only one way

It took blood sweat and tears
But at my weakest I had drive
I have done more then just face my fears
But I have made it out alive

She pulls me near
Tells me I have nothing to fear
With a sensual sneer
She whispers in my ear

Can you feel it
Can you feel it on your skin
Can you hear it
Can you heart it from within
This love is our connection
You just have to let me in

Can you feel it
Can you feel it on your skin
Can you hear it
Can hear it from within
This love will be our heaven
I will prove it to you with every sin

Your my little comfort object
That I need to keep near
When I'm scared of being alone
When I don't like what I see in the mirror

Your my little comfort object
You soften all of my fears
You never play with my emotions
And for me you will always be here

Your my little comfort object
I'm the apple of your eye
You always give me a shoulder
When I need to have a cry

Your my little comfort object
No one knows me like you do
But the only thing that makes you not special
Is that you aren't some one new

Your my little comfort object
But to say I love you is a laugh
As soon as I find a better one
I'll leave you in the trash

In me there's a fire burning throughout
A passion waiting to be inflamed
I'm yearning to let it out in one big shout
But I'm afraid I'll get burned and maimed
For now ill just have it churning as I slowly let it out
Until I have it tamed

He looks in my eye
I see his beautiful smile
I forget he made me cry
I hope this lasts more then awhile

If only he knew what he did to me
He makes me go so crazy
For him I would pay any fee
Even for a love so hazy

He looks me in the eye
I haven't seen this look in awhile
Don't let him see you cry
or els he will destroy your beautiful smile

Does he even know what he just did to me
After he go's so hazy
He'll never set me free
But its not him
Because I drive him crazy

I feel sick
Rotten to the core
All I want to do is quit
I can't take it any more

Nothing I do will stick
And just makes me feel more sore
I think about ending it
But I can't loose this war

I know there's no trick
To make me feel like I did before
But I'll keep on trying to make some thing fit
Because I believe life has more for me in store

I live in the most beautiful kingdom
In the middle a Crystal Castle
Its a land full of so much wisdom
But living in it is such a hassle

All the plants glow
They are such a beautiful sight
But I cant stop them grow
Because I can't trim some thing made of light

Every pond of water is a beautiful blue
But looking in, there is no reflection of you
Going swimming is some thing I wouldn't try
If you ever did, you would realize you are falling through the sky

Every person here is the most beautiful person you ever knew
The men are so handsome, the women so fair
But every persons a statue
And they always stare

My Crystal Castle is always meant to last
But its hard for me to live for ever when its made of glass
Every little corner is as sharp as a nail
I alway ***** my self and leave a ****** trail

The sun is so beautiful it always makes me think
Its the kind of beauty that I always wish to strive
It burn the sky to a lovely pink
But tries to burn me alive

My kingdom will last forever and will always be my home
But its the ugliest beautiful place
I am forever stuck in here alone

When a drug addict is tried of all they of done
Tired of being on the run
Tired of the pain
Tired of hurting every one, and being dirt once again

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

When a little girl realizes she can no longer be a dancer
Tired of not getting an answer
Tired of the pain
And tired of never wanting to hear the word cancer again

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

When some ones lover is gone
Tired of trying to move on
Tired of the pain
Tired of feeling like their heart will never dawn again

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

I promise there is nothing that you will miss
Embrace Deaths kiss
You will only feel bliss
As you sink down the abyss

Your problems are only mortal
Let your heart seize
Shed your mortal coil
And feel the sweet release
I will give you peace

There is not much people fear But I you will tell you here
That every one in this mortal world
Are all scared of dying without their loved ones near
Or simply just getting old
But I tell you here there is nothing to fear
Because Death isn't that cold

Now my story starts with what I hold close to my heart, See there is nothing more important then my loved ones to me
But I am a broke slob without a job and can't even feed my family
My wife would ***** while I snored and we would never let are children see
But finally one day I got fronted pay to set sail on the sea

It was long days for not much pay to hunt something under the waters hid
The men would tell tales that it was a monsteress whale but others said it was a giant squid
The one thing every one did know is this wasn't a trip for rich to go because there wasn't a single night
That we all didn't miss our wife's or fear for our lives that we weren't going to make it back alright

On one cold night under the stale moon light the monster every one did see
But I was last to know because for my last shift I didn't show and no body awoke me
As I snored inside water poured and in my dream I thought a giant was taking a ***
But as I awoke I knew this was no joke so I began to flea

I climbed up rail and felt the hard rocks hail as I saw the most grizzly sight
The ship was red, every one was mutilated and dead; I couldn't help but go white
All that was left was me but in the water a shadow I did see and in my soul there was still lots of fight
I set set sail threw a harpoon in the monsters tail as I promised the crew I would make things right

Before I knew what to do the horrid creator had turned around
As he hit our load our ship did explode but I wasn't going to drowned
I pulled out my knife, fought within and inch of my life and stabbed it in the heart
As it sank my mind went blank but I knew going after this monster wasn't smart

On top of the waters sea there was a man walking toward me as I took my last breath
I was in a trance and ****** my pants as I saw it was Death
He pulled me out as I began to shout begaing him for one last chance
Life is tough but I haven't had enough, at least let my give my family one last glance

Behind his cloak I saw a smile that made me choke and caused me lost of stress
He said "buddy this is my job I am just a working slob and that monster caused quite allot of distress
You don't have to cry I wont make you die because I still have to clean up this mess
Even though I will let you go I still have to reap the rest

Heres a life boat, oar and that way leads to shore but just know there is nothing special about being alive
One day you will see, you will be doing this job like me; working your 9 to 5
You shouldn't care because eventually your family will also be there and your life again will be stable
You can still have fun even if there is always a job to be done but at least you will be able to put food on the table"

There is not much people fear But I you will tell you here
That every one in this mortal world
Are all scared of dying without their loved ones near
Or simply just getting old
But I tell you here there is nothing to fear
Because Death isn't that cold

When you asleep at night and hear blood curdling screams
Do you wake up to the light and wonder what it means
Even though it's a controlling fright you don't dare find out what teems
It's better just to tuck your self in tight and pray for sweeter dreams

I believe in a Demon who lives inside my head
He's scratching and screaming, he wants to be fed

Tears, fears and things better left unsaid
Horrors appears as my thoughts are led

He's like a toxin rotten my brain with a constant spread
I hope all is forgotten as I shoot myself dead

Death is coming
It's coming fast
No use in running
Life wont last

But while you still have your freedoms
Before that day
Make peace with your demons
Before you burn away

You were my mistress, my ever lasting love
So beautiful and free like a dove
I wish I could prevent you from this wreck
You were too delicate to protect
If only I could stop the gods above

I loved you and you loved me
You went out of your way to pay this fee
I was blessed with your grace
You lit a fire in me with your embrace
Why couldn't I just let you be

You were more then my best friend
My wounds you did mend
If only I could do the same
And prevent you from this pain
I wish this wasn't the end

I wasn't the only heart you did steal
I couldn't help how it made me feel
But I was to blind to see
That you only had eyes for me
But I just couldn't tell what was real

All these emotions manipulated
You were so devastated
I don't know how I couldn't see
I was hurting the only one who loved me
This was a monster love created

You didn't run, you didn't hide
You just looked me in the eyes as your cried
You tried to calm me down with your speech
You thought there was a part of me you could reach
But still you died

If only you picked some one whose love you deserved
Instead of picking the man you served
But now you're in heaven after all that pain
And I will be in hell but the only thing that will keep me sane
Is keeping the memory of you preserved

Fast times
Fast crimes
All the things I have done
Could last many lifetimes

When your walking and alone
I will get you and crush every bone
They will never see you again
But my spree will never end

I am the one your hating
and your the one I'm baiting
But if your hesitating
Its going to be devastating

I'm hiding where you can see
And for that you must pay the fee
I won't even let you make a sound
As I take you down

You should have bin more superstitious
Or at least suspicious
You would have seen I was vicious
I'm not complaining cause your delicious

I know when your near
I can smell your fear
I like the way you fight
Do you like the way I bite?

No matter how you try I can't be castrated
I'm what your nightmares created
You will be dominated
And your remains desecrated

No matter how you try
I will never die
I will always be free
But just watch out for me

It may be love
But you will find
It's better to rise above
While you leave me behind

12:00 am, The 13th of Friday
Under the full moons light
I will end things my way
This time it'll be done right
No need to search
In front of the church
In plain sight
Under the crane's sway
My body will lay

I timed this to message your number
So try don't and call
As you slumber
I will fall
And with a  swan dive
I'll end it all

I don't want a grave
No one to save my ash
No a funeral or mass
And if my soul refuses to pass
I want to be drugged to end any pains
Plugged into my veins
And then to be unplugged
With my young brother to own my art and property that remains

I wish this wasn't the end
But it was a fate I couldn't defend
Since I had a father
Who did more then viciously beat me since I was a toddler
And a Mother
Who saw saving me as an inconvenient bother

But I hope you don't cry
Even though I will die
I will always be your baby bird
But at least now I can fly

Do you also hide from terrors in the night
Praying for a light
Holding your breath to not make a sound
Hoping you won't be found

Do you also hide from your thoughts in the day
Praying to get away
Holding yourself together for a time
Hoping to leave it behind

Kiss me, I'm dreaming
And I can't stop screaming
I can't hide the scars in my soul and my heart bleeding
And Soon when I die I won't wake up and it won't be fleeting
And when I open my eyes from this vicious beating
Thats when the real nightmare and I will be meeting

We all have dreams
And some times they seem so far
But some times it feels closer then it seems
When you have some one there

The people in your life are pillars who bring you up
And bring you around
But some times their on top
And hold you down

I have dreams but I rely on people who aren't there
Some who give me shove
Some who don't care
Some who give me love
But I still feel despair

As soon as i wrote this poem my heart went in my throat
Because I will always know
It doesn't matter what I do or what I wrote
As long as I am alone I am as high as I am going to go

My eyes open
Pierce through the dark
I crawl into my skin
Its time to pretend to be a monarch

A dead black heart
Rotting flesh that surounds
Completely torn apart
Held together by a mask that bounds

Youthful and spry
Confidence amplified
If only they knew it was lie
And I was really dead inside

The anxiety that some one will see
Inside to the real me
Would I be killed if I was detected
Or would I be accepted

This black heart still has hopes and dreams
That life is more then it seems
That this mask is a cocoon
And I will be some thing beautiful soon

Just surrender
You can no longer defend
Your wounds are sore and tender
It is time to mend

You are not a preteder
This is a mountain you can ascend
Just remember
You will make it in the end

I must be a fool
For loving one so cruel
And being faithful
To a monster so hateful

But sill I stick to your side
Because I'm addicted to your rules I abide
And hopefully one day
I'll have the strength to walk away

I got a fetish for fire
I yearn
To watch the world burn
Be careful not to get consumed by my desire

Worship with me at the spire
Of demons and hellfire
No need to discern
Soon you will learn
Hopefully before you transpire

My destiny is destruction
Let it come from within
Every sensual sin
Feel its seduction

It needs no introduction
Feel your hearts abduction
Let it begin
The blistering of your skin
Your souls eruption

Our fate is hate
The feelings hither
Become a killer
Let it intoxicate

As we assimilate
My heart is yours to infiltrate
But as you slither
I weaken and wither
You think you have won because you are in this state?
One day I will reincarnate