Tell me what it means to be a family. Tell me about dinners around the table and christmas cards. Tell me about how on Sunday morning you’ll all pile into the car and go to church together. Tell me about how your parents bought your car. Tell me about how your mom writes a check for lunch money. Tell me about New Year's parties. Tell me about summer camping trips and barbecues. Tell me about how bright the stars shine from grandma’s house. Tell me about grocery lists and chores. Tell me about your normal lives with your normal houses and your normal cars. Tell me that someday my kids will go to school and be as normal as you. Tell me that someday my future will look like yours.Tell me about knowing how to be happy. Tell me about having money. Tell me about having parents who went to college. Tell me about about never having a reason to cry or feel alone. Tell me about hope.
Cause I can’t.
What I can tell you is why I’m terrified of alcohol. I can tell you about late nights crying in my room as my parents screamed at each other. I can tell you about Christmases with no gifts. I can tell you about sitting in a room surrounded by a language that felt heavy and full of danger despite that fact I’ve spoken it all my life. I can tell you about choking on the smell of cigarettes. I can tell you about red eyes and the scent of skunk. I can tell you about being terrified to cry because if I don’t stop crying then I’ll be given something to cry about. I can tell you about dark closets. I can tell you about the look of disgust in my father's eyes because I like girls too sometimes. I can tell you about how the police know my face but I don’t exist on record because my sister and I look very similar. I can tell you about my family’s inability to commit to anything. I can tell you about letting everything build up to the point that I’m crying in my bedroom alone because I don’t know the answer to a question on my college application and it’s 3 am.
I can also tell you about how much patience my friends have for me. About how I always have someone to call at 3 am to figure out when the heck I’m supposed to graduate. About how having someone tell you they love you and finally feeling comfortable to know that they’re not lying to you. About having friends who are honest enough to tell you to stop acting like a 13 year old girl, put on your big girl pants and be happy. About how amazing it felt to realize after 17 years that I am allowed to be happy, even when others aren’t. About a group of friends that always have a hug and kinds words ready. About a love that makes me wonder how I lived without knowing it exists. About how it took ten years but I’ve finally found the light at the end of the tunnel.
So tell me of a life where everything is perfect and mom and dad still love each other...or maybe not. Maybe I’ll live on to see that perfect life and I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise. Maybe, just maybe I’ll find that I’m already living my perfect life. That’d be a fun surprise.

A woman came in today and told us the mistakes she had made
How she watched her opportunities fade
And the dreams she pushed aside
How she ******* up just following the tide
And it got me thinking about life
The dream: a car, a house, a wife
How little it all means
The white fence, the rowdy teens
If you gave up on your goal
And you lost yourself as a whole
She told us about canvases that sit empty
And poetry that has yet to run free
Was that how life was supposed to go
Looking back on the past, wishing you had said no
I hope that’s not true
Not for me and at least not for you
Your future's so bright
So please never stop chasing that spotlight

My favorite color is blue.
Each shade tells a tale, a new one for each hue
Sometimes I’m bright
On the days that I’m happy and light
Sometimes I’m dark and dreary
When I feel tired and teary
Maybe I’m mixed with a little green
Maybe I look calm and serene
So blue is my favorite color you see
Because it always has a tone to match me
With my ever-shifting moods
And my constant-changing attitudes
So if you asked what my shade is today?
“Well it’s Navy” I’d say
Today I’m feeling pretty low
So I picked a shade without a lot of glow
But if you check back tomorrow
I’m sure my shade will be less full of sorrow
So my shade varies from day to day
But my color is here to stay

I was placed above you as a child
You used to giggle at my feathers and beads
You were safe when I watched you 31 years ago

I swayed softly above your crib
Protected you from the dark clouds that came at night
You slept peacefully as I guarded you

You hung me on the corner of your bed when you turned three
Your mother sang you softly to sleep beside me
The songs of her parents and her grandparents and those who came before

You hung me on your mirror when you were thirteen
Your new house was strange but I was your constant
You knew you were safe

At eighteen you placed me in a box
Took me with you across the country
You hung me on your bunk

Twenty-two and we move again
You place me on your mirror again
But now I protect you and another

Today you hang me on another crib
The little baby looks just like you
She sleeps peacefully just like you did, 31 years ago

UGH! My brain’s in constant motion and I can’t get it to stop.
The way you’re looking at me is not helping. So stop!
Your very pretty eyes are distracting me, I need to focus
I’ve got a lot on my plate and no time for you
I know it stinks, I’m amazing but I need to take some time
I need to get my work done and organize my life
But when you look at me with those sparkling gems in your eye sockets I forget
I forget how to focus, smile and, on occasion, breathe.
So for the love of God please! Let me be
Now listen, dear, life’s too much to handle right now
I need to get my ducks in line and having you here...well it’s not helping
I mean I could spare a minute or two for you…
No! You’re doing it again and you don’t even realize
You take up a lot of my time and it’s a problem
So I’m gonna have to ask you to stop distracting me
Just for minute so I can get this done
But you keep laughing and smiling and looking at me
With those bright eyes...
And I forget
And I get distracted
And it’s all because of you!
So please just give me a break!

Have you ever considered eye surgery?
Cause those glasses that you wear don't seem to help
You can't seem to see my face turn red as a strawberry
Or when people notice things about us your answer is always "whelp"

I can't understand how you can simply fail to see those clues
Or how you never notice when I lose my breath because of your eyes.
Are you choosing not to see as if you've got something to lose?
Or are believing in a bunch of lies?

You know maybe those lenses you're wearing are broken
I can continue flailing about to get you to notice me
Or run around but I'll end up heartbroken
Because for some reason you simply can not see!

So have you considered surgery?
Because I really want you to see
How much you really mean to me
But you seem happy to leave it be

Maybe your ears will work more
And you won't be able to ignore
When I scream my thoughts out loud
Or tell it to a crowd

Please don't tell me your deaf as well as blind!
Oh gosh, I think I'll lose my mind.
Everyone already knows; you're falling behind!
Please catch up, if you'd be so kind

That's it I give
This mess has had a quite a while to live
All I want is for my feelings to be known
But I give up; I'm going home
…
Oh, I simply cannot lie!
I know I'll keep at this till I die.

Come on and get lost with me
We’ll disappear into the forest
The desert
Even the sea!
Hold on to my hand and never let go
We’ll hold tight, you know, like Jack and Rose!
Oh wait...that’s not how that story goes
Why don’t we run away?
Find a place to stay
Get married in secret
Absolutely nothing to regret!
A love story greater than Romeo and Juliet!
Actually...maybe we’re not ready for marriage quite yet
How shall we do this then?
Our parents say our relationship must end
But how can I let go of my best friend?
Our love is simply too brilliant to die!
The best love ever to be seen in grade nine!
Oh I want nothing but to weep, sob and cry
Tell me you love me, one last time
Oh our relationship will make history
Despite the fact, we’re only fourteen
We’ll figure it out, you and me
But until then
I’ll see you in Chemistry