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Erica Buehler Apr 2014
I'm sorry, Mom,
for all the bad decisions
I keep making here.

I tell myself it's because
I'm young, and wild,
like I'm invincible.

That 5 year-old me
Who knows nothing
Can hurt me

Still resides somewhere
Deep down and I can't
Seem to give her up.

I'm sorry, Dad,
For all the wrong boys
I'v let touch me and whom

I've let get inside my head.
I was supposed to be smarter
But my intense need for

Numbness got the better of me.
And you know, I've got a good
One now who treats me right

And I think I'll keep him, if
He'll have me. Though I know
You'd say there isn't anyone

In this whole wide world,
Who wouldn't want to.
For that I thank you.

So Mom, Dad, I'm sorry.
The boys and the drinks
And the drugs and the

Lost thoughts that I've
Seemed to overcome,
I apologize for.

I know these bad decisions
Aren't really me, they just
Pass my time.

But I want you to know
That things are okay now
And that I'm finding myself

After spending so much
Time being lost and afraid
Of the world.

This is my thank-you,
My "I'm so grateful
For parents like you."

For steering me in the
Right directions and
Always being my steady,
My safety, and my Solace.
Erica Buehler Mar 2014
Tomorrow is April,
but this morning
we were greeted with snowfall.

And all I could think was,
"Like Winter, we all give one last go
in hopes of not fading away."
Erica Buehler Mar 2014
I'm having trouble sleeping tonight
Although it's technically morning
And I know that if we still spoke,
I would be calling you up right about now.

It is times like these, small moments
Alone in the dark with the patter of
Rain droplets and the smell of wet earth,
Faint sounds of cars passing, going.

Times like these that I feel alone
And think of you and how we took
What we had for granted and how
I miss our friendship but I shouldn't.

If we still understood one another,
If we were both aligned like we once were,
I'd call you up, to hear your deep voice
Despite the sound of his in my ear,

Saying "I've missed you, I like you,
I'm crazy about you."
And I would ask, "How are you really doing?
What did you think about today?

Where does the sun really go when it turns dark?
Are you afraid? What do you long for?
How many inches in a mile?
What's your fondest memory?"

I would tell you I wanted to stay up until dawn
To talk with you, to listen to you.
And I wouldn't be disinhibited by drinks, no.
I would be sober and loving and kind and sorry.

But we do not speak the same language anymore,
We do not speak at all.
You are a memory, the time spent with you blurs
Into one collaborative thought and then you're gone.

I think you're awake right now.
Either at home in the dark by yourself
Or with friends talking about concepts
Bigger than you or I could ever be

And maybe, at 2 o'clock this rainy Sunday morning,
A blurred thought of me passes through your mind
And you feel a wave of all emotions, like I do now.
And you think of me, and nothing is wrong.
Erica Buehler Mar 2014
Kiss me through this window pane
And tell me you love me
Though I cannot hear you

Pick a raindrop and watch it fall
Let out a breath and again inhale
The sweet and toxic air

Stand up tall and straight
When you walk away from me
So our dignities are upheld

And don't miss me or mourn
Don't get sad, not angry
Don't let a thread of thought

Of me collapse into your
Guarded mind
For I will destroy you
Erica Buehler Mar 2014
If this salty sea air
Was CO2
I would lie down
On these shells and sand
And take long, deep breaths
Until I slowly fell asleep
Erica Buehler Mar 2014
This moonlight bathes this cold but
Thawing state in cool blue light

Kind of like

How I was bathed in the glow of
Your smile and the smell of your skin
Erica Buehler Mar 2014
For the love of God,
Please don't miss me.
e.b.
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