there are several things
I forgot to tell you
before you leave
and step right outside

your car keys
are inside the cupboard
there's a snack in the
fridge, in case you get hungry
on your way out
and I’ve ironed your jacket
in case you get cold
until you get
inside her

these are the last things I’ll do
it'll keep me sane

cause I’ve been telling myself
the day you cheated on me

I am not your wife
I am not your best friend
I am not for you

I will not tell you that
I loved you
I will not beg for you
to stay

go now, you are free
it's the choices we've made
that defines our freedom

you are free now

I just hope that

you won't find me inside her

“I dont know”
was my response
when you asked me if
I still love you

the world stopped
for the both of us
as I wondered on the thought
of me, being selfish
or being true
and yours upon the
realization that
maybe, just maybe
my love for you
is fleeting

neither of us was speaking
and the silence echoed
through the depths of my head
and you uttered
‘oh’

that moment, I knew
that you gave up
on me, and my inner
indecisiveness

I crumbled upon
the guilt of telling you
those words, so instead
I let my tongue do
the talking and said
'maybe'

cause it was never hard to say

but it is always hard to face

the reality of being responsible
to someone

as if I have to breathe
through somebody’s pair of lungs
and scratch the loneliness
with someone else’s fingers

we parted
I changed numbers

cause I had to stay afloat
on the clouds of solitude
free from attachments.

Don’t preen my wings -
I told you, even though
In the beginning I was just
a caterpillar crawling through
a sweeping field of chrysanthemums

Soft, fragile
were my dreams and hopes of
admiring the robins, as they
thrash by their nearby nest
nursing their young
as the babes chirp, beaks wide open
as their mum feeds them hope
that someday they’ll fly like robins do

I hope I can fly, someday
I told you that
the night we feast on the leaves
of Milkweeds
in hopes of growing wings
like those robins
that we admire the most

Little did I know that
You started chewing on what
was mine, my wings-
are imaginary, you said
that my hopes and dreams
to be one with the robins
are farfetched

And you chewed, and chewed, and chewed

till we grew hard and tough on self-loathing
upon the realization that your
words are always the truth that
we avoid since the beginning
when we got drunk on that
Milkweed

I admit, that you chewed
and it forced me to follow

Don’t preen my wings, I told you
that time when we hang up by the
branch of the fully grown Hawthorn
along the red, plump berries

We ghosted each other
on the shell we were forced to take
Like those hermit ***** that we used to watch
by the thorns of roses, seeing them take
the burden of one another makes us
laugh

But as we sit in silence as the
darkness of our own making envelops us,
but I was, contented
knowing that darkness
is an old friend
and you by my side
is a way - a company
to spend the time
blinded

What happened?

What happened that night when
a gust of wind flew
through us, I felt the
chill of the upcoming gale
I shouted

but you are too busy

dealing with the darkness
you’re in

Don’t preen my wings, I told you
as I detached from the branch
that we used to hangout
as caterpillars

But we don’t crawl  anymore

Now I am nothing
but a fallen chrysalis
waiting for those mighty
wings of those robins
I admired so much.

I got the beak.

define trust

trust is more than just
taking off our clothes and
revealing bodies to each
other
or looking me in the eye
as you try to get
inside me
asking if it hurts
and permitting you to
speed up a little

trust is in the way
you look at me
when it’s obvious that
people are trying to get
your attention
or admitting that you did
some of your
little mistakes
and temptations
you’ve recently avoided

trust is how
you hold my hand
when we’re walking
down the alleys, unafraid
of what
people might say or do
or when I tell you
I miss you and come
running right after

it’s more than just ***
and loyalty
and accompaniment

it’s when
I say sorry a thousand times
and you never show tiredness

it’s when you ask me about
how my day went and just listen

it’s when you tell me that
you love me when
I did something out of place

for me
it’s how you
understand
listen
act

so,

should I trust you?