You know how they say when you take drugs, the closer you come to death, the better the high?

Life is a drug
And it's deadly
It can have you up so high one second, and then have you crashing down hard.

Today I got high
It started off as if I were drinking a detox to cry all my tears.
Then the tears came faster,
so unexpectedly
And the thoughts came faster
So unintentionally

But I grabbed a pair scissors
and reached for some earphones
Ran into the bathroom and blasted Pandora through my earphones
Hoping but hating that I wish it was your voice through my earphones
Till your face popped up and my eyes were too blurry to see what wasn't so much a clear phone

I sat on the floor
Hoping you would know
Hoping in your heart,
you'd tell everyone to go
Hoping that you'd call
and then you'd get me sobered up
But I had pushed you away once and you were good to let me know
You're s i n g l e..

I thought I was your friend, your family,
your sister
Well I guess not so much,
at this point, my wrist blisters
I go harder and go deeper but the scissors aren't sharp,
so I go faster in my wrist while my soul is in the dark

I got dubstep blasting in my ears
cuz I can't fade the noise
Of the blade killing every skin cell,
now these scissors are just toys

I needed something to get the job done,
something hopefully fast
I didn't have time for scars and regrets.
I needed something to make it last.

So here's the part where I get closer
To the nonexistent devil himself
I grab a robe rope just hoping you'd respond
when I texted you for help

No one else could ever stop me
Because no one else understands
How high I can get off life
And letting the ******* coarse be ran

So I start to see these energies,
And they're all negative and dark
They surround me, waiting,
To see their ******* work of art

I sit as still as if I were sleep
Sitting up with my eyes open
I could only imagine what I looked like
Probably dead and nearly broken

So I pick up my rope
And I begin to make a noose
I make it tight
No room for loose
No room for mistake
No room for regret
No room to wake up again with my pillows soaking wet

So I tie it around my neck
And oh boy, it's getting serious
Without a thought, I just drop
But now I get a little curious

as to why I don't see
the freaking devil in my room
Cuz I definitely feel him,
guess I'm not that close to doom.

And after it gets tighter and tighter
I can feel my airways cut off
I think about my phone and wish it had been cut off
If it weren't for you, these thoughts would have been cut off
But if it weren't for you, this rope wouldn't have been cut off

I told myself before that I wouldn't ever fall in love again...
And then I did it.

But how can you fall in love if you don't believe in love
Or do I just not want to believe in love
My heart drops and bleeds for love
It feels so good but not when you need the love
It hurts so bad after you eat, sleep and breathe that love.
....
I get attached and become something of a mother.
My feelings get hurt easily and I run for cover.
I block out any and everyone but I know I'll run back to you.
Because I've opened up and no one else really knows what to do.

But then you shut me out as well, I've officially pushed you away.
Its like i can never do the right things, I can never express what I want to say.
Last week I told myself I'd never fall in love again.
But yesterday, I felt it in my heart but I feel like I committed sin.

Because today, I'm back at last week, where I wish I didnt have feelings.
I wish I could tear down my emotions without holding up the ceiling.
I wish you were here to wipe my tears but I know that you don't want to.
I pushed away everyone that I could always cry and run to.

Sometimes I think it'd be better if this ain't exist
So I can erase another problem when it's you that I miss