In the length between this breath and the next
My mind is pleading for rest, the exhaustion of the day to day
Has me spinning in a bleary haze
Flitting like an angry fly
I walk the ever thinning line, of work the home and the school time rhyme
My enemy has become the daily grind
The ever beating poet heart is not meant for this selfish lot
A world of selfies, tongue painted lies, and the plastic smell of whats inside
More money, more things, of things that are me me me
Anything to stifle the yawning calamity
The holes of neglect betwixt the heart
That panicked feeling of being lost.
An offer of empathy becomes a cry for attention
For the love of God check your pretension
There is whole planet of suffering people
But not for them do you become the steeple
The narcissism that infects the youth makes me wonder what little world is left for the few.

Why is it that we seek the ephemeral, when we are so grounded in reality?
The plight of man is to suffer the walk between worlds
Knowing the reach of the atomic bond wistfully longing to embrace something beyond
With knowledge, application, and dreams
Man ultimately stays unrest
Somewhere between the heart and the chest.

The numbing struggle of the day to day doesn't reach me inside this gilded cage
Reason beyond the rhyme kills me with the ever expanding process of time
From here to now I speak not why
The only motive is not to lie
To the ones that I hold dear all that you get is what appears
Should you find it at fault recognize that aren't we all
We bleed the same blood from the inside
So throw away your wounded pride
Come with me instead I'll show you a new world inside your head.

Nothing cuts deeper than to be done wrong by those you love.
You should feel ashamed the way you treat them
Your greed is like the cancer that took him
Taking advantage of a man who can't see to his own affairs.
Greedy woman it was never about the money
Its only about what he wanted done.
That gentle man done *****.
By his own seed.

I saw you recently your hands were shaking and the weight had fallen from your face
The spark in your eyes still lingered like a fire fighting against the breeze
But despite your will your body was leaving
Now there is no more pain, no more fear of leaving work undone
For you there is only peace
As much as it hurts me to admit you letting go so early
Was best
I hated to see you losing what made you beautiful; your mind.

Sometimes when I sit in silence I hear voices
Whispering in my ears, like a breath so quiet you struggle to listen
To the hush you can barely make out words
Shivering down the spine like cold water
Igniting the flesh in goosbumps
My whole body stands at attention
Running a fevered hand across the brow I try to forget
Because sometimes acknowlegement invites trouble.

This world aint meant for the good anymore
They get subjigated under the selfish intentions of others.
Where honesty becomes just another lie.
And the heart is nothing but a romantic promise
Soon stomped into the dirt creating jaded and defeated people.
Humanity has lost its greatest power
Its ability to care for itself.

You've made me jaded
Like stone I'm hard to move
More set in my way, less aproachable
Readily wanting a reason to leave
It takes more to hold my interest and less to make me walk
Like a zombie I can't help but pick at the brain
Munching on the fat but seeing only bones
Its as if when I buried you
I buried myself.
I hunger more but forcefully starve

I feel like an irisis pushing out of the ground.
Trying not to drown in the rain.

I want to be free of the burden of your love
Free from the complication you placed on my heart
Like a stain long set in it still lingers in my skin
Liberated from the suffication of your subjugation
I want to shake you from my spirit
So that I can enjoy life
And finally be at peace with just being myself.

Its somewhere between two am coffee and little too less sleep
The feel of cold sheets rubbing the dry eyed wonder
Blinking back the frustration of the same monotony.
Where the skin feels like sand paper and the heart is daydreaming about some forest out there
Surrounded by music.
Thats where you'll find me.
Wistful and tired.

The tapping timbre of blood in my brain brings the throbing ache somewhere between excruciating and numb
My head like a typhony drum.
The stressing swelling swelter of the day to day has me on the brink of sleepless rage
Day in and day out there is always something striking me out
Out of time
Out of light
Out care
Out of fright
I dont even know what it feels like to care anymore
All that I want now is sleep.

I chase away lonely in the only way I know how.
Between the treble cleft the base time rhyme
The transient movement of sound
Dancing the fey like rhythms of the soul
Pouring out my mouth into my ears and stretching past the tips of my fingers.
It's the only thing that has never left
That loves me back without qualm.

You are a model of a modern major failure
A martyr to yourself
Breathing the narcissistic carcinogen
The egos fermentation
Spewing like mayflies from your mouth
Your words hold naught even air
Like the boy who cried wolf
And the bird who mockingly rhymes
You were not perfect
But ****** you were mine!

You're like that last piece of sugarfree gum
That you keep in your pocket until the wrapper is frayed
Sticking to the inside of the pocket
Ruining a good pair of jeans
Like a spot of bleach on a black tee
No longer good enough for public
Lingering like bad breath after a  meal
I'm ready to be through.

I am an animal caged by ideals of many
Pacing my walled prison
Limited by what Im told is right
Painting on the mask of content
Cracked smile pulled high
Drunk on the opiatic releases given from a job well done
Always on stage this lions mane looks ragged

For animals are meant to be free
To prowl, pounce and dance that primal song
Drumming up the legs
Shaking the elated ryhtmic exhalations of true freedom
That sweet release euphoric on the running beat of blood
Swaying against the limitations of man
The beast longs to be free.

Where has that classic romantic gone?
The one that writes lines of poetry on paper, on skin
The soulful sway of the heart, taking out time to separate
Away from the world
Within the world
Like the feel of music under the skin
In the veins warbling its majestic tune against the chilled goose-flesh of feeling
The heart on the sleeve
On the chest
In the mouth.

Gravity its working against me
Taking away my breath
Collapsing my wild heart under the suffocating weight
Of that ragtime dime
That jaunting beat of social feet
Pulling me against the current

To a colder tune
Something somber filled with the lonely blues.

Don't get caught on my edges
Thin and brittle
Sliding in and out of the skin with ease
Bleeding me out
Stitching me back in
Like porcelain cracked inside
Holding under the surface
The lines of despair.

Freedom comes with its own disappointments
Trapped in the truth of exhibition
Drugged on the sublimity of an ideal
Shadowed by the lines of a cage
The bird sings gaily
Intoxicated on the ****** of the self.

It follows close to my mind
Infecting those around me
The faces that grew me in one way or the other
Its metastatic narcolepsy filling the world with silence
Like to many candles in the wind
Blew out the breath's light
Snuffing out the beauty of living
Haunting, lingering in the edges
A hope battle that is over before it began.

There is beauty in negative space
Between the lines of your face
The absence voidless pockets of empty space
There is peace in the decluttering of nothing
Like stillness it is sometimes needed to tip the scales towards a healthy mind.
Listlessly I find myself seeking it
The vibrations of too much clutter
Has the stutter of insecurity
Too loud
Too close
Feel cloistered in the corner
Like herded cattle trapped within the walls of society.

I remember the Space Oddity the melodic timber of your voice.
Taking me away in the most peculiar way.
Floating in a sea of distant different stars.
Stepping through the door of possibilities.

No longer in a tin of insecurity on whether I dressed as a boy or a girl.
Rebelling the notion of self expression as a taboo.
In those golden moments I was free.
No longer running the labyrinth of normality
Where dreams were not reality
You were my Hero, for more than one day.

Changing with time, one step ahead of the rest.
Thank you Lazarus for taking us past the Black Star.

Her voice crackled like wood in a fire smoke
Hot lashing  the flame of crimson tongue
Booming a thundering rage slick wet lightening bright
Only to dim
Grumble hiss and disengage
Dwindling in the presence of beauty
Within the glade.

Could you love me now
With my inked skin, bad attitude and jaded smile
Would you finally hear my words no longer gentle, no longer weak
Do my words my words echo in your mind?
Did their sweetness finally sour?
Why else would you be looking back?
The ghost your looking for isnt here.
She died waiting
And whats left is well beyond forgiveness.

We crave change like coffee
After a three am study session
Where lines blur and sleep is but a memory
We want instant gratifying successful change
With little to no effort
Like instant noodles of experience
Run over the hot water of ill prepared workers
Who are spit out of the machine to quickly
Yeah we all want change
But we don't want to pay for it either.

Im that same little blue eyed girl who walked into walls before you knew I was blind.
That same jaggle-toothed imp who got busted for staying outside too long.
The crazy tomboy who hit a home run, sliding so fast she skinned her elbow, knees and arms.
Winning and grinning that victory smirk

Im the same punk *** teen that razored her hair
With blackebd eyes to old for her face.
The same lonely girl trying to make some space.
The sweet hearted goth with sarcastic smile.
The Greenday ****** against it all.

There was a time where the music stole my soul.
Only to return it shattered over a boy I didnt care to know
But it came back with a vengence.
To play rock band with the strings on my heart.

Now tattered and tatted I stand before you now
All all grown up the early phases of my life set free
Shifting like a camilion I am all these things and not.
But dont confuse me
Im better than ever before
Im not searching for it anymore
I am free of what used to be me.

Do you remember me dancing in the rain
My long blonde hair plastered to my skin
Blues eyes sparkling in the dim glow of evening light
Laugher bubbling like soap frothing merrily till hiccups hurt
No Im sure you don't
So maybe I should forget your smile
And the feel of your breath against my ears
Whispering you love me
Maybe I should let you finally disappear.

Some nights I hate you
Some nights I wish we never met
Others I lament the feelings I once had for another person
The warmth of a genuine smile
The fire of a touch
When you sparked my muse
My mind and took my breath
In the day I am resourceful I remember the good and the bad
What it means to have loved
What it means to have been tossed aside
But then that **** song comes on the radio
Inside my mind it brings nostalgia an ache from deep in my being
Staring at the screen aching over "Hello"

Down the rabbit whole dear Alice
With all your bobs and lace
Take heed fair beauty the fruminous peril at hand
Beyond in this rational land
Dont fear sweet maiden in the world of pomp and paradox
You'll find you truely thrive
For what is living if you dont feel alive!
Where Cheshire smiles and cat call lads
Label and obtuse
You are uniquely you
Unruley hair and all
Just becareful my love on how hard you fall.

You gag me with your sickness
The man whom is supposed to be dependable
Lying in your lie-ing mouth is the disease of an eight year plague
For at least when beat by the breath of hate and the slanderous bigotry of others it comes not as a surprise
No your sickness had eaten away from the inside.

You tell me I need Jesus
That my tattooed and metal appearance is offensive
But Ma'am I'm not the one condeming strangers
Not the one proselytizing hate
For belligerence has never swayed the secure
Does my existence make you question your own?
Is it my idol tattoos that threaten you religious security?
If anything when I smile, tell you to have a nice day and go about my business
I become the better person
Was it not your God that preached love and tolerance?
Where is that now?
Do you only preach what serves you?
And people wonder why I have problems with faith.
Its not your God that is the problem its his people.

How can you ask me to love you?
When you can't even love yourself?
For what you know of love is incomplete compared to everything else.
I could ask you to name the stars and you could tell me heavens mysteries
But when its comes to simple affection all is lost
When not engaged in the bodies sway and rhymes you wouldn't know how to have an intimate time
For sometimes intimacy comes from somewhere deeper
Somewhere closer to the soul
Its not always in a girls pantyhose
You can look lovely bearded and swave
But to love you would mean to starve.

You caught me singing in the waning light of day
So you decided to cut my tongue
You caught me dancing in dim twilight night
So you bound my feet in sick delight
You heard my thoughts as they ran free with pen and grace
So you took my hands and bound them in lace
You took my voice, my delight and encumbered my speech
But what you can not take is my mind
For that my love is and always will be solely mine.

We are birds in a cage
Taught that we are free
While we molt to the skin
Under the eyes of a neglectful owner
We sing praises of individuality
Thanking them for a drop of water

Your like a fun house mirror
Distorted
Warped from every angle
Shifting molding and retrograde
The smooth sultry beauty of your silver smile is a trap
You reflect your sickness
And for a time I believed you.

No I can't spell it out for you
Its never going to be that simple
Words are hollow compared to their feeling
Often misconstrue
If you'd just feel the way
I do
There aould be no distance between me and you

"I love you"
1:00 am admissions
Eyes creaking open, head throbbing
Dehydrated from sorrow
Desperate words, wrapped in midnight magic
Said in the hush, secreted under the door
Sweetened by the bitter knowledge of love but not in love
Re-opened once more to hurt
Hearing regret, slapped by reality
Burdened by its curse

The more I walk from who I used to be
I see her like a shadow in the back of mind
Still gripping his hand waving, happy
I feel his deceptive smile crawling upon his face like the many legs of a creeping insect
Deceit on his lip stick touched mouth
Her oblivious countenance innocent like a child

Hearing laughter I look forward
Some half drunk bumbling idiot, watery eyes locked radar pleading escapism
Too focused behind
I know her too
I'd know those curls anywhere
I feel where she's going, what she's trying to avoid
That wrong side of lonely
Curled around her memories trying not to feel.

Lip stick stains the flesh of the mouth
The rim of a glass
The side of a straw
Coats the flippant strand of hair leaving little red streaks on the cheek
It melts in the sun, dripping into the mouth with the taste of wax
It brightens the white of the teeth and shadows the black of a bruise
It compliments the eyes, those brilliant blues
That cupids bow dripping red from a swollen nose burst brighter
Shadows and contour that girl is on fleek
That little red tube is nothing if not unique

Fumbling the black out night
Were little light comes through the curtained window
Tripping over the discard of shoes
Pillows fallen off the bed and memories
Of when you laughed as I stumbled into the night bathroom clumsy hands looking for a switch
Waking for a three am bath for no reason
Other than to feel hot water on my skin
Sitting sideways to accomodate a second person in the too small bath
Maybe its not love I miss maybe its the happiness
The child like play I splashed bubbles against your chest
Leaning in for eskimo kisses and a teasing tickle to your side.
Its the little things the innocent wonder that I miss most

I feel like a rare creature
Too difficult to catch
Prancing just outside of awareness
Staring at baited traps
Independent and beautiful
A rose among dandelions
With sharp wit and tact
I feel like a rare creature
From mythos and legend past
For as much attention it brings me
When no one believes I exist.

Love is whispered words of devotion
Bringing someone forget-me-nots'
To remind them you care
Its doing things for another despite the burden it can bring to you
Its putting them first always
Like a speeding train on a down hill ***** or crashing into a wall at full speed
Its messy
And make someone feel *****
Emotuonal ******* a quagmire of drama
That does nothing but cover someone in its filth
That even when over clings
Yeah love can be beautiful but all the **** that comes with it often is not
Sometime honestly I'd rather just ****

Plastic petals crinkle crinch and crumble under the harsh rays of the sun
Bleaching out the painted on color
Melting away the glitter glamour and guilt
Leaving behind something rather ugly
Something brittle and fragile
As shallow as your artifice
And as broken as your promises.

Anger boils like a raw egg on hot sidewalk
Charred and smoky
That type of anger that slow roast over a period of time
Often forgotten or forgiven for minor transgressions
That have made themselves known again
Much to the displeasure of annoyance
"I thought you better than that."
This what ever it is
Just gets worse when you drink
I'm not sure its a difference in incontinence, ability, or mind
But my friend you need to stop this ****
For there won't be a next time.

Light bleeds through red curtains painting the brown walls a muddy shade of maroon like dried blood on concrete
Sticky and hazy
The whooshing movement of fan blades fill in the would be silence
Tugging air with dull blades rapid and quick similar to the staccato of a heart beat
Wubbing its low hum sound the t.v static of a mundane morning
Sunday's have never held much meaning
Other than the once suffocating stuffiness of a dusty church bench
Listening to hell fire and brimstone in a place that smelled like death and hand sanitizer
Where children are paraded like prized cattle in front of relatives
Valued for their would be talents and their potential to redeem their parents mishaps
No this day was greeted with the smell of *** and the taste of syrup still lingering in the dry parts of the mouth
Legs tired from walking and stumbling at the bar
Eyes still wearing the specter of blue eye shadow
Lips the muted color of sin
No Sundays are special kind of sacred

12:22 sets the mood for another midnight ramble
When the lulling rumbling suffocation under a twenty pound cat
Can't and won't bring sleep
Choking on the flighty flickering of memories
Better left buried
Not walking my mind like listless zombies
Munching on the gray matter of my emotions
No sleep would be prefered than reliving my heart break again

The hollow tinkling tipping tumble of glass on tile
Follows the path of patient feet
Ever slowly out into the open
The cracking hollow creaking of grating joints
Meets the draw tight face
Where smile lines cut like a knife into the cheeks
Rose tinted black lashed blue eyes stare blank ahead
Collapsing china made brittle by claims
To what it is,
What it should be
Say, think and feel

Like a toy shoved between two children
Stretched, banged and reused
The marionette played its silken strings for others
Danced to the same dreaded tune
Around and around that merry chortled phonic dirge  
Eating away at its own strings
Snapping like rotten wire
A puppet no longer
Ill and abused

"Trust me.." he says
His poison mouth drawn tight
Over pointed teeth lined with a silver tongue
"You won't regret it...you'll be undone..."
His snap back and bedraggled experienced hands articulate
A sale , a sale another trip away from this place
With desperate hands that shake tremor with want
Eyes already rolled back in memory
Tugging and pulling
Panting in excitement
Choking on air
The dove lifts her wings to soar
Having been flightless for too long.

Playing in my paper tin
Where the fun ain't got end
Two drops down the rabbit hole
The melting melding mental fluctuations
Burst like stars with each exhalation
Floating exhortations and relief
In the misty cloud of disbelief
Billowing out that acrid smoke does play
Touching tasting an empiric ecstasy
Where the stunted movement of hands follows the solid sound of base thump rhyme  
Keeping the pain at bay
Away from the things I wish to erase
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm weak
But despite the chaos
I feel complete.

I only call you when its late at night
Its the only time I want you by side
The only time I've ever called you mine
When I'm doubled down
Between two and one
This feeling is beyond describe
I know that you'll be the death of me
But at least we will both die young
That floating fuzzy blurred vibe
This lingering feeling of being drunk
On your words
Your mouth
Your expedition
Escaping from remission
Towards the lingering taste of your love