Usher in
a long taffeta skirt,
pearl earrings and delicate hands.
Horn-rimmed glasses
on the man you saw at the grocery store.
Children still in their winter boots,
a frozen sunset glowing on round cheeks.
Smile at them,
agree with them.
Yes it's a cold one out there.
The fire laughs behind you.
Tea and memories of home
warm your throat.
Is this where you thought you'd be?
Ask yourself.
Write the answer on a piece of paper,
crumple it in your fist
and throw it in the flames.
Fuel.
Thank everyone for coming.

Count the times and ways and places.
Tie knots in a string of pearls
coiled around your finger
and begin to see the bud
of something new.
A bonfire on the Fourth of July
when your hands were strangers.
Hurried trips to the grocery store.
Tie-dyed tshirts and handfuls of popcorn.
Laughing on acid and
twisting my ****** rings in the dark.
Fistfuls of thick dark hair
and cigarette
and cigarette.
Writing a poem at 6am
to forget the warm emptiness
hidden in my duvet cover.
So many stories embellished
and coats set across a leather chair.
Rolling the fringes of the terry coat
that looks far lovelier
draped over your shoulders.
Cracks and fissures
from housekeeping chemicals.
Fists of frustration.
The fading burns from melted sugar.
Small reminders.
Kindness.
Strength and insecurity
and dancing  
and spelling love across my back.
And other things we do with our hands.

It is far too painful
hurting someone you love deeply.
Especially when it is you.

I am picking up my pencil
at 6:10 am
to you
to say my bed feels lonely without you
and you looked **** fine
going to work in my Led Zeppelin shirt.
There are still crumbs on my floor
from the enormous bag of popcorn
we shared in handfuls
making nothing but a small dent
as we worked our way closer
with each bit of laughter
and sweep of a hand across a lower back.
Colors seem brighter this morning
and we both know why babe.
I don't know what more to say
but for today
I am yours.

I remember sitting by the river smoking with Tommy.
The snow melt had already carved a new pathway through the bank.
He talked about his friend who was moving to town, to work with us.
You were best friends since middle school, he told me.
Somehow I remember that conversation but I don't remember meeting you.
And here I am, writing poetry to forget how much I  need you.

You fill spaces in my head
I did not know existed.
Maybe you are the gyri and sulci themselves.
I was looking for something else
I thought I could see clearly
and that is the worst way to find love.
Somehow you found your way to me.
I made a home beneath your bones
without the proper tools
and before I could look up you were there
needing me too.

Small and quiet, fluorescent,
the room holds anonymous faces.
People waiting for flu medicine,
hopes and fears and minor concerns about rashes
that we thought would go away.
Frequent urination
a tremor in your left hand.
A business man closes his eyes and kneads his brow.
He sits tensely in a blue upholstered chair
and smiles at me when he catches me looking.
Ruffling pages in magazines
like a moth's wings.
No mayo, rye bread, a nurse says.
Tapping her lavender acrylics
to music just low enough not to recognize.
Mind on shuffle, dreams achieved and
failed dreams of medical school,
little ones tripping and laughing out of double doors,
lining up to be whisked away in Suburbans or Geos,
carrot sticks uneaten at the bottom of a backpack.
A doctor sets a clipboard in front of her
and words are hastily typed into a computer.
And I wait for her to call my name.