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I live my life in extremes
Polar opposites attract in the center of my soul
And for some reason, living on opposite ends
Seems to be a fashion trend
I am not the "I made out with every girl in my college sorority
So now I'm bisexual" type of queer
Not to out-and-proud vomiting rainbows type of bisexuality
I am the bisexuality that gets erased
The eighth grade girl who, when she told her first boyfriend she was queer,
He told her she was over dramatic and crazy.
I am the bisexuality that gets oppressed
Because I am confined to the walls of a shrinking closet
Or is it expanding?
I have lost my sense of left or right
Up or down
Yes or no.
I am not your manic pixie dream girl type of bipolar
Not the girl who needs saving from her mental illness
Not drowning.
I am the bipolar disorder that becomes overwhelming
The depression that chains me to my bed in the morning
The hypomania that seems euphoric, but is never happy
The grey area, the lone horizon, the empty space in the middle
Seems like something I drive through over the speed limit
Every day of my life.
While my extremes do not look good on your favorite actress
They look beautiful on me.
Not an outfit I can strip down when it goes out of style
Not a channel I can change when it is not appealing anymore
But I will learn to love my fluctuations
My mood pendulum
My love pendulum
I am swinging from state to state
But at least I am flying
Instead of falling.
 Dec 2015 Emily Oliver
claire
Snow melts at her feet,
her words make flowers grow.
She is the taste of spring water,
she is the smell of mountain air.

Her eyes are the color of rich soil
and towering trees,
and with one sharp glance she can silence the loud,
boisterous men who admire her beauty
without permission.

She looks only to the boy who hears music in her laughter,
who swears she is more beautiful than the sun rising in the east.

The boy with clear eyes and lungs full of moonlight.

you are my morning prayer,
he tells her.

you are my evening sky,
she whispers into the
curve of his smile.

And there is not one without the other.
They are two halves of a whole.
Put 'Goodness' of a good man on test.
In moderate clime it might appear best.

Examine the 'Goodness' in extremes.
It will be different from what it seems.

Leave 'Goodness' under the desert sun.
To help 'Goodness' there should be none.

With magnifying glass check its sphere.
Cracks and fissures are sure to appear.

Now place 'Goodness' on mountaintop.
Keep it in position with the help of prop.

Leave it in Bone-chilling cold and depart.
Within days it will crumble and fall apart.
 Dec 2015 Emily Oliver
curlygirl
her heart beat too fast for him,
too hard and too loud.
he loved to dance to her rhythm,
but his arms could not hold
onto her for long,
could not stand the wildness
radiating from within her.
so she held her breath,
she rejoiced less and was quiet.
her bounding heart slowed to
a whisper
and quickened only when
beheld by him.
she missed the feeling of life
in her chest always,
and soon she herself
became a whisper,
enveloped in the cool silence
of his arms
where she slowly turns
instead of dances.
Cold chills,
Holiday thrills.
Family gatherings,
Love ones depart.
Cold hearts,
And warm bellies.
Death may visit,
But, love is here to stay.
This month of December
May end in dismay.
 Dec 2015 Emily Oliver
mikecccc
I hope there is
No hell
Because you see
I have a heart
Full of petty spite
And a brain cloted
By perceived slights
To me a hole
Full of fire for
All of my enemies
Brings a bad
Sort of smile
And I hope
That if God
Is real he doesn't
Think like me.
hell seems like a very human idea it relies on that funny word deserve.
When I was eight I used to ask my mom
Why daddy was so mean to me
She would tell me to talk to him about it.
I remember throwing up
Like the bones of my guilt were piercing my throat
Like I had taken one too many cookies from the forbidden jar
Like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to
Something bad.
The one time I did talk to him
I pulled the strings of my heart's corset loose
And let him see the emptiness left there
He yelled at me again, making me cry.
I always ask myself if I would rather have divorced parents
Or a parent who guts me like a dead fish daily
Even after many apologies
I lay naked and bruised
Upon the lies I tell myself to stay sane.
I tell myself he doesn't know the impact of his words
Swift blow to the belly
Swift blow to the mind.
I tell myself he will get better when I come home from school
Until he finds out I am sharing skin to a girl
Until he finds out where my skin has been.
I tell myself none of it matters
But I feel guilty when he brings up my weight
But I feel guilty when I take my medication behind his back.
I feel like a shadow of his sins
And a ghost of his future
Lurking in the shadows
As he tells me the same things everyday
And I wilt silently in his suffocating grasp
Forever lonely,
Forever alone.
When I was eighteen, my dad told me he was sorry
For all the years he hung my by the noose of comments about my appearance.
I thought he meant it and I forgave him
I should have known better than to trust the butcher.
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