You put on your makeup, that takes 20 minutes of your time,
Then you chose an outfit, another 10 minutes of your life,
Then you are set and ready to leave, you lookin great,
Till you realize you have no money at all.
None.
Zero.
Nada.
I for one, would be enraged. I mean, why does money have to define whether or not I can go out and have some fun tonight. Why must my happiness be measured by how much money I have?
I can't even get a job. I'm in college, currently in winter break, which is only like what, 3 weeks? How can I get a job that will only last me 3 weeks?!
I could shovel snow maybe? But that's completely dependent on the weather, and some people aren't even nice about others shoveling for them.
I could sell my textbooks, but I should have thought about that before I left college and left all my textbooks there...

In the end, I have no options. And I most definitely will not ask my parents for money, because they have already given me enough.
So you know what I did tonight instead of going to a lovely salsa class with wonderful people, and great salsa music?
I wrote this ******* poem, or whatever you want to call it.

I fooled myself.
I really did.
Thinking i could keep my head held up high today,
who was I kidding.
Who was I kidding?

By the start of morning I was already overwhelmed by the thought of you,
by the end of noon I was in distress
by the end of the day I finally broke down and cried
and right now, well I'm still a mess. I can't lie.

I am so pathetic.
But, I don't care. I still ******* need you. I need you.
I would do anything for you to come back.
You are my best friend,
the bestest friend anyone could ever have.

To love me is a complicated task, trust me I know,
for not even I can stand:
the endless bitterness and depression,
the constant PMSing and aggression,
the insecurities and lack of affection,
and don't even get me started about the brutally honest confessions.

To love me is a complicated task, I know it is true,
because for the longest time,
I struggled with that task too.

To love me is a complicated task, so sweetheart don't even try,
unless you are willing to compromise with me, whereby,
the only deed you must achieve
is become my best friend,
a person I can fully trust and love till the end.

I've been in limbo for the past year.
I can't let go of the memories
because I love him so dear.
He fills my mind like melodies
that I can't get out of me ear.
Like an awful but catchy tune
that drives everyone insane,
or a broken tape that keeps on
repeating and repeating itself.
That is what goes on in my head.
Memories that just replay themselves to no end.

Its an awful state of mind to live in,
especially when you are trying to build a new relationship to be in.
If anyone can tell me how to leave this state please let me know,
because I can't live like this anymore.

I met a man once,
he was so so.
Well that's what I thought at first,
when I didn't know,
that for the next couple of months
he would become my sun and moon,
my energy, my thoughts, my favorite tune.

And I at first did not want to accept the feelings I had
for I was to young to put all pieces together
of emotions and day dreams that were hard to tether.

When I did finally accept my feelings, I found out it was too late.
Life had chosen a different path for him, and life would not wait.

My life once he left was all a mess,
I tried to pick up the pieces,
but with no success.

And till this day I cannot forget him,
he will always be a big part of me,
which is now a problem,
because that leaves no part for others to be.

Where have the merry days gone?
The days where I would lay on my lawn
and think about the great days to come.

Where has my confidence gone?
When I used to march on
with my head held up high
and my goals set to the sky.

Where has my perseverance gone?
When I used to work my *** off
in pursuit for success.

Everyone sees all these capabilities in me,
and for some reason I can't even see myself in the mirror...

Sometimes I pity the ground because being trampled all over is the worst feeling ever.
You always give, give, give,
hoping one day that you might receive something good back,
but people are just too greedy and want everything.
You give them time, years, for them to maybe change,
but in the end you realize that you've just been fooling yourself because people never change.

Sometimes I envy the ground because at least the ground doesn't have feelings.
But I do.
And I am sick and tired of being trampled over.
I'm done giving.
And I'm tired of thinking that they might change.
I can't do it anymore.
For once, I want to be the one who gets to ride off high and proud on my horse, hear the ground beneath me, and know that I am the one who is in control of myself. Not the other way around.

I give you everything.
I say nothing.
I try not to get in your way.
I let you trample all over me.

It has been 3 years like this,
and I only found out yesterday that I've had enough of this.
All these three years I've been blind,
thinking that you would change.
I was wrong.
People never change.

Just take everything you want,
I wont resist.
Just take anything you want,
as long as you leave.

The thought of airplanes makes me feel so good.
Does it not feel good when you're all alone in your room, and you look outside your window to see a passing airplane fly in the sky, and think,
there are people right above my head right now.
**New people, people who maybe I might meet one day, people who I may never know, people from all around the world.

When you're five, you tell them, "I'm going to be president of this time,"
and they smile and nod and say with glee, " Yes sweetheart. You can be what ever you want to be."

When you're nine or ten you tell them, " I want to be a star just like them,"
and they smile, joke, and laugh back saying, " We hope we won't have to put up with that."


When you're around thirteen you tell them, " I think I want to be ..."
but they cut you off and say, " We know what you must be. You must first go to college, and study."

So when you're fifteen or sixteen you no longer know what you want to be,
because they always tell you, " Be a doctor, a lawyer, and get a Ph.D."

So now you're eighteen and you're like,
What the **** am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?


So just remember that what ever you choose,
what ever you plan to bare,
make it be something that you know you'll do
with lots of care.

Because in the end your parents aren't the ones
who will be making a living out of the decision that you've done.
They just want the best for you
because they love you a ton.

Is it possible to not have a job?

Could I just run my life without having to sob?

Could life for once be simple?- could it just stop making me wrinkled?

Could people stop judging, and I just stop caring?

People should just be loving, and profit sharing.

I mean, hey it wouldn't be too bad to share what you have,

with people you could learn to love. That wouldn't be too bad?



Life without problems would be such a breeze.

Why can't it be that way and leave me at ease?

You begin your letter as if
you were here with me, together.    
And at that my emotions fell
and tumbled over like fierce oceans.  

I took a deep breath
and held onto my bed,
trying to keep myself from going down under.

But down under I went,
into the abyss of the blue
where all I could think about was
how much I miss you.

Your words are sweet
but make me weep.
Your tone is kind,
and is screws with my mind.
Your filled with love,
but I'm just filled with despair,
for all I can think about is
how much I miss you
mon cher.

Just when life seemed to be running smoothly
You're path chose to fool me.
I thought you would be there for me
and lead me to glory,
but unfortunately things were not so.
I'm not sure how I will be able
to let my brain disable
the switch to my emotions
of longing and yearning notions.

And yet here I still am,
fighting each day without your help,
hurting each day without your comfort,
struggling each day without your words.
And yet here I still am,
here I still am holding onto all these emotions
unable to yield my feelings to someone
for fear that my fate with anyone might end
in the same way it did with you.

Just when I thought I had found someone
that someone that I could speak to
be true to
tell everything about me, but now its done.
Its funny, how I thought that you'd be there for me
for ever and always,
and now i'm afraid it might fade away.

And yet here I still am,
fighting each day without your help,
hurting each day without your comfort,
struggling each day without your words.
And yet here I still am,
here I still am holding onto all these emotions
unable to yield my feelings to someone
for fear that my fate with anyone might end
in the same way it did with you.

And yet either way,
I still and will always love you.