You put on your makeup, that takes 20 minutes of your time,
Then you chose an outfit, another 10 minutes of your life,
Then you are set and ready to leave, you lookin great,
Till you realize you have no money at all.
None.
Zero.
Nada.
I for one, would be enraged. I mean, why does money have to define whether or not I can go out and have some fun tonight. Why must my happiness be measured by how much money I have?
I can't even get a job. I'm in college, currently in winter break, which is only like what, 3 weeks? How can I get a job that will only last me 3 weeks?!
I could shovel snow maybe? But that's completely dependent on the weather, and some people aren't even nice about others shoveling for them.
I could sell my textbooks, but I should have thought about that before I left college and left all my textbooks there...

In the end, I have no options. And I most definitely will not ask my parents for money, because they have already given me enough.
So you know what I did tonight instead of going to a lovely salsa class with wonderful people, and great salsa music?
I wrote this ******* poem, or whatever you want to call it.

I fooled myself.
I really did.
Thinking i could keep my head held up high today,
who was I kidding.
Who was I kidding?

By the start of morning I was already overwhelmed by the thought of you,
by the end of noon I was in distress
by the end of the day I finally broke down and cried
and right now, well I'm still a mess. I can't lie.

I am so pathetic.
But, I don't care. I still ******* need you. I need you.
I would do anything for you to come back.
You are my best friend,
the bestest friend anyone could ever have.

To love me is a complicated task, trust me I know,
for not even I can stand:
the endless bitterness and depression,
the constant PMSing and aggression,
the insecurities and lack of affection,
and don't even get me started about the brutally honest confessions.

To love me is a complicated task, I know it is true,
because for the longest time,
I struggled with that task too.

To love me is a complicated task, so sweetheart don't even try,
unless you are willing to compromise with me, whereby,
the only deed you must achieve
is become my best friend,
a person I can fully trust and love till the end.

I've been in limbo for the past year.
I can't let go of the memories
because I love him so dear.
He fills my mind like melodies
that I can't get out of me ear.
Like an awful but catchy tune
that drives everyone insane,
or a broken tape that keeps on
repeating and repeating itself.
That is what goes on in my head.
Memories that just replay themselves to no end.

Its an awful state of mind to live in,
especially when you are trying to build a new relationship to be in.
If anyone can tell me how to leave this state please let me know,
because I can't live like this anymore.

I met a man once,
he was so so.
Well that's what I thought at first,
when I didn't know,
that for the next couple of months
he would become my sun and moon,
my energy, my thoughts, my favorite tune.

And I at first did not want to accept the feelings I had
for I was to young to put all pieces together
of emotions and day dreams that were hard to tether.

When I did finally accept my feelings, I found out it was too late.
Life had chosen a different path for him, and life would not wait.

My life once he left was all a mess,
I tried to pick up the pieces,
but with no success.

And till this day I cannot forget him,
he will always be a big part of me,
which is now a problem,
because that leaves no part for others to be.

Where have the merry days gone?
The days where I would lay on my lawn
and think about the great days to come.

Where has my confidence gone?
When I used to march on
with my head held up high
and my goals set to the sky.

Where has my perseverance gone?
When I used to work my *** off
in pursuit for success.

Everyone sees all these capabilities in me,
and for some reason I can't even see myself in the mirror...

Sometimes I pity the ground because being trampled all over is the worst feeling ever.
You always give, give, give,
hoping one day that you might receive something good back,
but people are just too greedy and want everything.
You give them time, years, for them to maybe change,
but in the end you realize that you've just been fooling yourself because people never change.

Sometimes I envy the ground because at least the ground doesn't have feelings.
But I do.
And I am sick and tired of being trampled over.
I'm done giving.
And I'm tired of thinking that they might change.
I can't do it anymore.
For once, I want to be the one who gets to ride off high and proud on my horse, hear the ground beneath me, and know that I am the one who is in control of myself. Not the other way around.