lonely and sad
past the softer skys and milky drinks and you
grab for wavelengths of happiness playing through the radio
and youre struck with disappointment and humility and shame, somehow
and jealousy and anger and a longing because yes, a good time
is a good time and wouldn’t you rather feel helpless and beside yourself?
today

a change to the smell of chlorine in our hair
and sticky watermelon juice on my thighs
that you wipe away with your thumbs
ill grin into your flushed cheeks
and **** on your strawberry seed lined tongue
and when we sit in your car and try to rub away the goosebumps on our arms
the towels underneath us damp and the ac ******* the air from our lungs
ill be able to sing along to the wibbly wobbly ballad on the radio
and feel peace

your tricks were your eyes of magic, hidden in sleeves of gold
a cynical set that took hold when we needed each other most
the effect of want is the pole you hang your noose on
it fails because you can never get what you want
your blindness drowns you in bruises along your neck
the pain of staying alive and barely living is haunting
so you find need in the deepest parts of yourself
and feed the underlying craving of obsession
i mean nothing to your life because you never loved me
but from the moment we met your fate was my oasis

swollen lips colored like raspberries around the edges
tongues that taste of honey and the lemon balm in our teas
the scent of coconut in my hair, peaches in yours, grass on us both
intricate lace beneath your shirt and soft, smooth curves
gasps and breathy laughs fading as i move down to your hips

once, you were the stars that would float through my veins and form constellations
my head was filled and i was drowning in the sickly sweet words that spilled from your mouth
i would hold on to every breath, the cotton candy clouds that filled my lungs when i looked at you
but the sun rises and the stars disappear
you stopped your words and instead i choked on the empty air
because the clouds cleared and all that was left was the sensation of being ripped from my body
and looking back to see a broken glass bottle that spilled black ink