As I've grown up I've been turning bitter.
Life isn't as easy as it once seemed.
You gotta go to school to get a job.
You gotta get a job to earn basic needs.
You gotta pay taxes to keep those needs.
Kids just have it so much better.

I remember being a kid, and not having a single worry on my mind.
I would just go outside and play, or grab the first thing I saw, and pretend it was something else.
A couch could become a fortress.
A blanket over your head was a secret hideout.
A twig could be the strongest of swords.
Every day was really an adventure.

Now that I'm 21 a couch is for resting after a hard day at work.
A blanket's only purpose is to keep you from the cold.
Twigs are something you step on without even noticing.
Every day is just another burden on our backs.

Can someone please tell me why is everything so dull now?
Why do we lose our sense of wonder?
Why can't I dance in the rain without worrying about catching a cold?
Why can't I get inside a cardborad box, and pretend it's a castle?

I'm sick of being a "grown up".
I wanna be a kid!
I want to be amazed by the colour of the flowers.
I want to feel afraid when it's stormy outside.
I want to play with a puppy because it's fluffy and playful.
I want to throw a tantrum when I don't get my way.

I shan't be the only one. Lets all be kids again!
Lets hide under the table.
Get scared of the monster who lurks in your closet.
Cry from time to time for no reason.
Use a night light when you go to bed.
Buy some toys, and play with them.
Eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Feel like a total rebel for doing so on the couch.
Watch cartoons early in the morning with your pijamas on.
Try to stay awake all night, and fall asleep before 11.

Every time I see a kid, I just can't help to smile.
It's not because they're cute, but because I'm jealous of them.
They live without worries, without thinking of what will happen tomorrow.
I wish I could be like them.
I want to be a kid again.

Sitting here in this prison I built,
cold and lonely, I cry for help
for I lost the only key I had to get out.

I'm trapped.
Trapped within myself.
Unable to see the outside world
no one can hear my screams.
They bounce from wall to wall
echoing through the room.

Haunting me.

Taunting me.

The walls are closing in.
My breath is short. Almost gone.
My mind is free.
Free to lurk in my own dark
finding my demons on the way.

My body's weak from starvation.
My will is broken from the cruelty of it all.
My voice can't produce any sound from all the cries for help unanswered.
I'm destined to die here.

Cold.

Lonely.

Weak.

Forsaken.

No one will miss me.

With my last breath I whisper goodbye to this room which ultimately became
my home.

In class the teacher asked
To write a list of our bad habits
Your name showed up in my list
Twice

By that time
I knew I would fall in love
With anything that would remind me
Of how it felt to be alive

I was taught that roses can grow anywhere
And that I had to be careful
Whose heart I choose to grow them
My bad

They told me I deserved better
But the ones I deserved
Were chasing girls
They didn’t

I learned the hard way
That life is much like a party
You arrive at your fullest
And get out like ****

Falling in love reminds me of being drunk
Not matter how bad the hangover is
You would still drink again
Because the feeling it gives you
Is indescribable



I know I’m getting older
Because my childhood dream
Of being invisible
Has turned into a nightmare

The edges of my soul
Are sharper now
I’ve got some demons inside
Don’t get too close darling

Fire raises like a work of art
In front of me
And it keeps me from seeing
It’s burning my life to ashes

You could have stopped all of this
But you ran away
Like a poem
With feet
Arms
And a heartbeat

you could almost see
ink flowing through her veins
and how she spread her words
across her heart
waiting for someone to
read them
and she may have been
complicated
but she had such
simple needs
but no one took her
seriously
and she let things
hurt far more than they should
because she truly cared about
people. everyone. everything
because it felt right to her
and she had no idea
how to be anything else
because sometimes she
wished she could
but if you were to pick apart
all these little pieces
and how memories always stain
then maybe you could
see something
special there

nobody warns you about the first boy who tells you he wants to marry you.

nobody warns you about the tangible shift in the universe when he parts his lips to smile.

nobody warns you about the poetry he'll write you or how your knees will weaken or the melancholy hidden between the layers of his laughter.

nobody warns you that miles will morph into lightyears and you will curse the ocean for being the only thing that keeps his fingers from resting between yours.

nobody warns you about the day his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.

nobody warns you that human hands are incapable of holding a person together.

nobody warns you that sometimes love is not enough, no matter how much you wish it was.

nobody warns you about the crippling nostalgia that renders you breathless.

nobody warns you about the nights when silence screams for your blood.

nobody warns you about the crater that forms in your chest in the middle of the night when he doesn't answer.

nobody warns you about how it's going to feel when he tells you he's in love with someone else.

nobody warns you that forever is a lie.

- m.f.

How I adore your nerve
when you kissed me in your closet upon sheets made of legos
and all of your childhood dreams.
How easy I am for you to draw when you play on stage the song that you wrote me,
The one that feels like rock climbing by the river,
Like naps in the summer when I drool on your chest and you don't mind,
Like kissing you until the very last minute of my curfew,
only to break it for the miracle that is your lips.
How alluring is your breath on my neck,
Your voice in my ear when you told me that you loved me
and you didn't stop smiling,
even as the years went by and I did.
How I craved, longed, begged for time to be still
the time you took me to the highest hill you could drive to,
You called it my mountain.
"At first, you look at it and it's so small,
but once you notice it, it's all you can see," you said.
How my stomach floods with waves of nostalgia and a taste
of everything I've ever had to live without,
With complete and utter spell-binded devotion at the simple familiarity
of your smell.
How addicted I am to your laugh when you're happy and
the mastered impression you do of your mom.
How weak I am to your intellect and your appreciation of literature
and real music,
Your enthusiasm for art and the "name that note" game you force upon me
as you stumble onto the classical radio station.
How in love I am with your romance that is as childish as my attachment
to my baby blankie and my mother's childhood walrus that you never ceased to insult.
Our pajama day that we decided over our prom,
When we turned on John Mayer and slow danced in your room.
Your idea of a date consisted of fake wine and me.
How incredibly warm are the coldest of nights,
On the side of your dirt road as we lie in the snow that is too cold for comfort,
yet holds us there with the fear that one day will not look the same as this one
and I would bear any amount of cold winter to keep one more moment of yours.
How I cherish the way you latch my pinky with yours when we walk
And the face you don't know you make when you play guitar.
The rooftop where you kissed me for the very first time and the string rings
we wore to remind each other we were still there.
How incredibly and unfortunately devout I am to all that I remember of you.

Sometimes I wonder why I adore you.
You probably wonder why I adore you too.

Some people might say something like,
It's because I like the way the light hits your face and your hair is perfect even on bad hair days.
It's because you're so beautiful.
Every inch of you is gorgeous.
Your body is magic.
I like when you put your hands in all the wrong places.
You're the perfect height for me to kiss your forehead.
That your lips are nice too, and you're a perfect kisser.
That your smile is flawless.


Or maybe it's really because,
I relate to you better than anyone else on earth...
You're beautiful on the inside. If I could only have you back in exchange for going blind...
Every inch of you is gorgeous, but the person inside of you is what I can't let go of...
Your mind is the real magic, you were never just a pretty face to me...though your face is very pretty.
I like more when we had intellectual talks about things, so much more than the ******...
That while I love the taste of your lips,
I don't need them to survive...
That I can see the pain behind your smiles, but I see the joy in the real ones too...

I adore you because I love all of it.
In one view, you are only a lover...
In another view, you're the best friend I've ever had...
I'd do anything to have you back in my life again...
Back in my arms again...
Because I'd take you as a sister if I had to...
I'd stay away from your lips, though, I'd wrap you up in my arms, for you deserve the warmth,
Because you deserve as many hugs as you can get...and
I'd kiss you on the forehead because you mean something to me, and I'd pretend it's nothing more...

I love you.
I need you.
I want you.
I miss you.
I'm sorry.
I'll do anything.
I'll climb mountains.
I'll be waiting until the day I die for you.
If only you would see...
That I'd still come visit you
When you're out on your own,
Or someday when you're with your husband,
That I'd hide all my pain,
If you'd only let me back in...
Because I love you.
I love you with the kind of love I'll never be able to explain to you.

I don't have to wonder why I adore you. I cherish you more than anything, for good reason.
But you surely don't feel the way you used to, anymore.