Elle Harris

Elle Harris Dec 2020

I used to be the epitome of strength
To fight my battles I’d go to any length
I was an army, mighty and fearless
But too many lost battles have left me hopeless

When everyone wants to plunder your city
Maybe it’s time to let it crumble
Yes, we’d call it a pity
But perhaps we need it to be humble

Our forces have been halved
And in our faces enemies laugh
Our sources have been depleted
Soldier after soldier has fled

The army that was full of strength
I’m afraid has reached its length
At this hour I wonder such
How much loss is too much?

I gave too much during the battles, now it appears I'm going to lose the war. I. don't know how to be okay. Wherever I go, destruction follows.

Elle Harris Jun 2020

I will never...

I will never be her
I will never have her caramel hair that you admire from afar
I will never have her pure skin, untouched by man or scar
I will never have a slim waist like hers for you to wrap your arms
I will never have her ability to flirt with winks and with charms
I will never be your first choice for she took that spot
I will never treat you poorly while pain is all she brought
I will never believe you when you say I’m the one
I will never forget that you and she are not done
I will never fall for sweet nothings when the truth is clear
I will never neglect that while you’re with me you hold her near
I will never be naive and let fact and fiction blur
I will never be yours because I will never be her

Elle Harris Jan 2020

Starting New

I pray my toxic cycle is over
I hope he won’t use me for ***
I pray we’ll stay together ‘til we’re older
I hope he’s not like my ex

but there is no way to know
and that eats me up inside
the more I feel my love grow
the more I fear he’ll leave my side

he seems to be a good man
but my judgment is always wrong
how do I know there's no evil plan
how do I know that we’re lifelong

he’s been honest from the start
he shows love to more than my physique
he compliments me for being smart
he holds me close when I am weak

I guess I have to trust the process
and put my heart back on the line
I just pray that all this progress
will end with him being forever mine

So I've been gone for a hot minute. I got cheated on and was so busy wallowing in self-pity that I didn't post the few poems I wrote. I'm in a healthy relationship now, but I'm so scarred from the past that I'm petrified I'll ruin it. This was me just sorting through my thoughts. I'm currently happier than ever, so I'm back to writing.

#love #fear #scared

Elle Harris Aug 2019

House Not Home

This place is not a home; It is merely a house
In which my lions’ heart has the voice of a small mouse
This isn’t four walls, a warm bed, and a fireplace
It’s cold chains that bind me and bitterly laugh in my face
I could leave a home, though I wouldn’t want to
But I’m trapped in this house, with no doors to walk through

There’s a single window, but it’s too high
And, though I can’t reach it, I jump and I try
My fingers skim the ledge, but I can’t get a grip
And as I fall, I see my freedom slip

Brought to you by another anxiety attack

#freedom #sad #trapped #hurt #depressed

Elle Harris Jul 2019

The King

I’m terrified to admit I love you because I fear you won’t feel the same
But you call me “my love” more than you call me my own name
I’m scared that when our hands touch you dont feel anything more
But I’ve felt your heart race as you whispered I’m all you could ask for
I’m afraid I’ll open up to you and you’ll think im too much to handle
But you’ve already trusted me enough to tell me your every scandal
I’m petrified you don’t mean what you say and all the promises are void
But I know how concerned you get when I’m sad, anxious, or annoyed
I’m horrified this trust I’ve built will crumble from cheating or lies
But the sadness in your voice is real during our “goodbyes”
I’m fearful of falling in love because I’m paranoid you’ll leave me
But if I never take the chance, I’ll never know all we can be

#relationship #doubt #love #fear

Elle Harris Jun 2019

Cheating

My teeth chatter and my leg shakes
As i think of the forms cheating takes
A snap every day, seeing each other here
“I couldn’t help it. Blame it on the beer”

“You’re all I want. It was just a mistake”
Was it really or are you a snake?
You say all the right words, so how could it be
That you were always lying to me

#cheating #sad #lying #relationship