noun

1. this end is only a new beginning, the man at the podium affirms. a better place, a new adventure, is waiting for all of us when we pass on. i care not for that, watching my family's stony faces. there is a terrible wrenching where my stomach used to be. it's name is guilt.

2. i haunt my own home for the next several days, the next several weeks, the next several months, the next several years. i watch over them, trying to pay back their kindness from a past life. there is a pull where my chest used to be. it's name is obligation.

3. a man comes to be, insubstantial. rid yourself of this burden, he says. you need not be their keeper. they have forgiven you long before your passing.

4. i am free, i am free, i am free.

h.f.m.

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  to is what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

Look away. Don't meet their eyes, don't stare at their face. Just don't.
2. Don't think about them. Rid them from your mind, think of other 'better' things
3. Don't look at them when they are happy. When their eyes are shining and their smile is large. Don't let it make your heart sped up. Refuse.
4. When they are nice, remember that they are not doing it for you. They are polite. That is all.
5. When they talk to people like they talk to you, or they flirt with them. Don't be jealous. They are not yours.
6. You are not right for them. Remember that. Above everything else, you do not deserve such a imperfect masterpiece.
7. Give yourself space. No matter how much you want to be with them. You can't. You need to stop. Make sure you aren't attached. (You are though, you know that. Ignore it)
8. Distract yourself. Whenever you start thinking about doing something. Read a book. Get lost in the pages. (Realise the thought come back after the book is done. Accept that. Start another book. Drink lots of tea.)
9. Convince yourself that you don't care. They aren't that important. Only a friend. Only a peer. Nothing more.
10. You don't care, you can't. There is absolutely nothing that can make you care about them. (But then they smile)
11. Know that it will pass. (It won't)
12. Make sure to never be in same room alone. Your mind will wander, hopes will grow.
13. Make a list. Why are you not compatible what do you hate about them. (The answer: not a lot. Everything you don't like is manageable)
14: Quit. It's hopeless