in my pink dress,
my pink dress,
I feel the dust of forgotten memories.

in my pink dress,
my pink dress,
I feel the little girl I couldn't be

on the stairs in my pink dress
I slowly descend as your eyes beckon me

in my pink dress,
my pink dress,
theres nothing but beautiful hurt

Victims of self discovery
Burdened by unwanted embraces
Searching for a release
Creeping into pools watched and gazed
Adjusting their lives as they unknowingly perform
Twisting structures and sparking atoms
Fling and hitting the walls
Trying to run for it
Attempted escapism and keyless doors
Clouded entryways with a dim glow
Beckoning to be explored
Unknowingly opening Pandora’s Box again
Magnets in the air to collect the scrap metal
Scratches and deep cuts on the interior
Nowhere to dispose of it
Folding and storing again in the grand drawer
Dresser pressed against the door to keep it shut

sometimes it will blizzard in florida and thunder in massachusetts
but it has to happen
once the flurries melt and skies clear
it will stay that way for a while
and there will be a snow in and a hurricane
but it all dries up
escape to the garden

nature is always there
needing to be tended for
care for it and let it grow
it will flourish and snap open
the vines grow thick and curl
staying alive during the changing weather
thorns and thorns but nothing compared to the fresh flowers and velvet petals
the eternal plants in the delicate garden
they will grow and bloom and thrive

some will wilter and turn brown
in the fragile ecosystem
trees take their place
strong and everlasting with stories of rings
history flowing throughout the bark
letting sun in through the leaves
in the eternal garden plants come and go
yet, a new one always comes in succession
nature is always there in the eternal garden

I look to the sky and count the stars
Each one has their own distinguishing story
A different level of brightness
Different shadows and varying hues

In our galaxy, there’s no corners where
Things sit and take their time
Everything’s on a moving cycle
Swirling around and sticking together

Adding color to the space blackness
The stars are no accident
There’s no mistake
They twinkle in uniform light

No one can get rid of their universe
The black holes and asteroids in their heads
You are your own space’s god

Rearrange their alignment and
Create new constellations
Unleash another bang
And embrace the cosmic life

sometimes lips tell feelings
better than words do

Ladders and highs
And purples and crazies
Burning under the stars
Looking through the uneven stairs
Passing through open walls and
Broken windows
Hallowed and cut bleeding through
The darkened streets
Glowing into their skin
Death as a form of retreat
From their civilian madness
Holing into sewers and breathing waste
Hurting themselves on barbwire fences and needles
Digging holes into flesh and filling with temporary satiety
For those sleeping in alleys high and immobile
Choirs of  phantoms and squirrels and birds
Greet with unremarkable pitch
Verse says the end has come
But is just unfolding

it hurts more
taking off my skirt
seeing myself in the mirror knowing
I've been lying all day
the hurt in pink when I burned myself
driving and the hurt in pink when my lips are touched
the dry sadness is the best thing I've known
felt between walls and miles
it sits outside the door

I like to feel the water when it stings my burns
I like crying after being kissed
knowing i'm being taken for granted again
I don't like when the bath goes cold

the plane delivers a rumble from ahead
its comforting knowing you aren't alone
I wonder if they see me as a dot in my
tiny apartment, on the balcony thinking
I wonder if anyone on that flight is in the same
position as me, escaping in air away from their life

my life is bittersweet,
like leaving your childhood home
there's never been a home for me.
there's been family which I hold soft in my heart
like a delicate jewel,
but there's theres no sense of permanent belonging
in the 5 different places I've lived

I look to the sky, feel the thunder from the
life changing transportation
I wish to be in one of those seats,
taking me to new experiences,
a different life.

what my spirit holds is so
much more than the vessel

words are my blankets

those who fear zombies fear the one who hurt them won’t be gone forever

my knuckle is bruised
and im coming out of my episode
stuck in limbo between suicide and my bed
I know moving forward I won't feel
and it hits my chest like strong water winds
im tired of going through the motions

Do i want to live or be functional?
i'm tired of waking up with a pit
In my stomach but the
Dull pain feels better than nothing
So i’ll spend my days in front of
Eyes that don’t feel
Listening to scripted thoughts
And i don’t want my medicine to kick in

Can i lay in knowing and not **** myself?
I’ll sip something to fill my physical emptiness
My tongue will take every drop with hate

I got an app to remind me to take my medicine

The hills are calling with their eyes and
I want to lay and lay with your hands
I wish you understood me the way i long for
I wish you wanted to

I’m not functional.
I feel the chaos in my bloodstream enough to
Keep me alive and shaking
As my fingertips run across my legs
Oh, god left me so long ago
Stranded to deal with everything myself

Will the mountains save me?
Hold me in it’s arms and communicate to me
That i can be ok?
Will the ocean stir and boil when
My feet touch the edge?
Can the trees of metal lift me,
Like a bird let me see the city,
Fill me with a sense of comfortability?

I can’t do what i’m supposed to
And i can’t do what’s good for me
I don’t think there’s anything that could
Make me or enable me to do so.

And ******* for hearing my words and
Blinking, not trying to make a difference.
**** everything that is still.

I live in a north river
And my body whips with the current
And i reach for the rocky land on the side
Cut my hands on the points
So i collapse into the water again
Filling the nose and mouth with salt
And disgust and the water isn’t
Pure and clear blue anymore.
i keep grabbing for more litter
To make myself comfortable with.
It never works.

I feel free on the bridge with my arms
Widespread, staring to the empty sky
When downtown with the beggars
And those with drug induced hysteria
Think the same thoughts as me

Looking at the water, i don’t jump
But a part of me will always want to
Escapism has always been the answer for me
Falling into the unknown is appealing

So i walk with no shoes letting
Glass cut up my feet, i take off my shirt
Hold it like a flag

I lay on the street and let the
Pavement scratch me as im clawing at my mind
For my unconcious to leave
Jumping into trash cans and
Loitering tall corporations


What would happen if i fall?
Do my thoughts leave my skin and float
Into the clouds, waiting to be judged
For a special seat?


Will i be greeted with flames and ash?

What about a blackness that never resides, wrapping the
Body in an eternity of dark?

I felt a pull at my chest in a park,
In the men’s room a man killed himself in.
I felt the unknown in a feeling with no name.

i hate the green on my tongue
and i dont know what im holding
on for as i sit on the bench
and the sun hits i still
have goosebumps
the cauldron hisses

im mad at myself
for hurting the way i do
and enjoying it
i hate my passions and the things i crave
i hate my subversiveness
and no i do love it

i cant stay in the middle of anything
and i need to get out

i cant imagine living
without a whirlwind
living a bathwater life
not poisoning myself

oh how the hurt brings out
my passion
and how i feel for things
i light everything on fire
and i love the ash on me

i let people make stories of me
and ill never tell them
if they are true
i will never know

what do ravens feel about
the smoke in the air
and collapsing lungs
the natural brown i try to
escape from

the whispers in the wall
make my hands cover my ears

when will a chair be pulled
and sat in,
when will i exist with more
than myself
who will love me
ugly and sinking into the furniture

what do i know about summer?
the fire always burns the brightest

does it hurt you when I grip the blanket?
I want tears when i'm laying in my spit
how can I be loved when I feel the sadness
in each strand of my hair
heart racing in bed, chest
bruised and falling.
with honey dripping off my fingers I see
how I could be wanted incompletely
I dig myself another hole
to decompose in

i found god with my fingers
flesh is heaven

Why does my tongue
Hurt and burn at the tip
Cause the words laid on thick
Pink bumps swell to come out

There are some things
I will never say to you
That i will always want to
But i let them blister on my lip

I swallow letters
And as the acid  tears
Apart the phrases i
Chose to never say,
I bite my tongue till
The words are painted red