Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

Please
Don't say it as a friend
Everytime you do
My heart sinks

Please
Don't remind me
That I can never
Have you

Please
Just don't say it at all
I can't hear it
Without breaking

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

I want my love for myself
To overflow
And I want my overflow of love
To seep over onto you
But for now
My cup is empty
And maybe you can sense
That I have nothing to offer you

A not very centric street in a not very well-known neighborhood
A kinda indie cafe with little wooden tables and chairs, of all sorts
Not so crowded
Coffee with milk in a light blue mug and a steel spoon
Salted croissants and sweet cakes
Natural orange juice in a large glass
No ice
Grey clouds and cold wind outside
Yellow lights and the heating on inside
My cheeks red
My jean jacket hung on the chair and too positive and cliche lyrics drawn in the walls
Books and drafts on the table, color highlighter pens and my favorite mechanical pencil
Some other country and some other language even maybe
My chest and stomach warm
My heart ready

Like I am in the deepest ocean
Like I am trapped under the heaviest block
My chest crushed
My mind too
Thick air
Nice reassurance
You are okay
Breath
You are okay

I am not
I am sorry
I want to evaporate
I want to disappear
I want to be fine

I am sorry