I hate you. You made me believe every lie you created.
You broke me. You like to remind me that I am broken.
Which I know.
But I think you fail to realize,
Is that I’d take all the harassment, all the assumptions, and all the lies;
Just to show you..

That I am sorry.
I’m sorry for thinking I’m good with enough.
I’m sorry for the lack of experience in bed.
I’m sorry for being broken and meeting you.

I shouldn’t have dragged you into it, but also
I didn’t deserve the lies and assumption thrown at me for a mistake I regretted.
I didn’t deserve to read the true thoughts you had of Marissa.

Even as I sit here and write.
Trying to bury my tears behind a screen and scream.
You’ll be okay though.

Because I got the jail out of free card.
I don’t have “multiple personalities..”
I’m just the ****. A *****. ****. ****. Leg-opener. Yada. Yada.

Just the same ****.

Oh you’re back.
How was the trip?
Wait you need to do what?
You can’t right now though..
Really?.. that bad.
Well then.. okay. Guess it’s your turn.

Hi nice to meet you, we’ll get to names later.
She almost did it.
God you should’ve seen it.
But that’s done and over with.
No more you after all.
I’ve held her ground. I picked up the pieces. I saw her sink.
But I’ve seen her pick herself up. I watched her clean her mess. I saw her rise.
She thinks she needs someone and she truly doesn’t.
That’s why she has me.
Oh and I’m not good with names.. see ya.

It’s happening. The darkness. The old friend that enjoys my torment.
Driving me into my old ways.
Cuts on my wrists, thighs, shoulders.
Even work couldn’t distract me.

Failure.
Not loyal.
Ugly.
Disappointment.
Disgrace.
******.

Many more words playing in my mind.
Yes I have to destroy myself. What does it matter.
It doesn’t.
Not anymore.

I drove Gabe away only for him to die.
I drove you away only for you to be wrong.
You both never knew me at all.
All nights are shadowed by your memories.

All I can do is keep the blood flowing.
Until I can forget myself.

I can’t wait for it. New opportunities and many more people to meet. To kiss new lips and not think about you.
Finding someone else.
Because I’m a ***** and my legs can spread so easily.


To think I almost let you get the best of me. Taking a hold of my heart once more and ripping it into pieces again.
But it’s okay I was already broken.

If you knew what you were talking about,
I wouldn’t hate you as much as I do now.
I’m so thankful for seeing the real you.
So glad that I didn’t fall into your game.

You must be pleased with yourself. You won and there’s nothing left.
And now this is the part where we go.
Build up again.
Grow again.
Trust again.
Love again.

You told him he ***** me. That wasn’t the case.
Saying you’re doing it to protect me but in reality it’s you that your protecting.
Thinking you can meddle in affairs that aren’t yours.
You kept telling me to leave it in the past.
It happened.
It’s done.

So why couldn’t you?

Out of all the things you said about me.
To my face, your friends and family, it was *******.
Believing in something that I know I ruined.
Still never fails to be brought up.

Thank you though. You showed me far more than before.
I hope you know that this was it.
I hope you know that I did try regardless of your assumptions.
I hope you know that you’re not the nice guy that finished last.
If you were then me and your ex’s wouldn’t be thinking the same thing.

All will go well for you though. You can focus on your real girl.
The one you can’t truly stand to be apart from.
And I really do hope it goes amazing for you both.

Have a good one, goodbye

Our conversations,
it’s like a breath of fresh air.
Trying to hate you as we talk and I can’t help but look at you.
Your features on your face, one of my favorite things about you.
The way your eyes squint more so than usual. How your smile is breathtaking and warms me up. The sound of your voice is so sweet and pure. Your laugh is a sweet harmony of relief and strength.  
But I’m gasoline to your fire, wicked and influencing.
One drop and your flame brightens,
Except I poured too much.
Now you are a blazing inferno, a rage of fire licking up everything in its wake.

Using mistakes I made to help you heal
And letting you hurt me to help yourself.
Until I don’t anymore and I’m broken again.
Never not once thinking that this could be done differently.
It’s a clean straight shot to being okay for you and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to trade it.
After all I am the bad guy in all of this.
I have to regret it.
Have to hate you to be okay.
It’s what we wanted and I have to stick to it.
Doesn’t matter if we love each other.
We can never be as okay as we hoped.
You could just let me leave,
But I know you won’t or you can’t.

We wouldn’t have to be reminded,
We wouldn’t have to listen to each other’s accusations,
We wouldn’t have to pretend to not have any feelings just so we can play Superman.

I wouldn’t have to think that I’m the worst.

All it took was one break.
One text.
One meet up.
It was the perfect opportunity, to get back at someone you love.
A revenge of sorts.
It would work itself out.
Everything thing did.

Flirtatious looks thrown back at one another.
A small yet effective kiss on the cheek,
Then on her neck,
Making her singing into the night.
It didn’t stop there.  
Their lips locked.
His hands found their was down her body,
Squeezing places on her that was founded by someone else.
Her hand found her prize, so she thought.

He used her to his content.
They both knew what this was,
Nothing romantic about a hotel room.
Just *** and revenge.
Little did she know she had you in the back of her mind.

Every ****** made she said your name in her mind.
When he’d speak all she heard was your voice.
As he continued to touch her all she wanted was you.
Subconsciously she didn’t know she was pushing him away when he found her inside.
But why?

The answer is simple.
She wasn’t using it to get back you.
Didn’t need to have revenge.
All she wanted was to break herself.
To **** herself inside knowing this would be it.
Thanks to this mistake,
She did.