I wish I could make you understand.
I wish I could squeeze away your tears,
You seemed only to be lingering,
Now though I see fully,
And now my die is cast, my coin is spent and im out of credits my last chance is ticking down,
I press the button to play again,
Game over.

Tomorrow ill wake up and smoke,
And as the only visible proof I have that im still breathing billows from my mouth all ill want is to kiss you instead of my ****.
But as these thoughts darken my morning ill remember something,
Ill remember waking up and you were nowhere to be found,
Nowhere to hug but your things still laid all around.
You were at the cemetary apparently,
All I wanted to do was be there when I heard the church bells
Something in your eyes shouted "this whole thing is killing me" from the start, so I new id better stay on the sofa and try to silence my heart.
Ill remember as I watched you gather your things and hoped I wasnt...
Ill remember your stumbles and the tears that came to my eyes seeing the empty wine bottle in your hands.
Ill remember following you out as you exited my house swiftly as if running from the memories and as if afraid of ever telling me goodbye to my face ever again. My heart broke when you halfway pretended to not be leaving.
I guess that was around february 14th.

But tomorrow is may 26th.
Tomorrow I will wake up and the universe will greet me with billions of years worth of more beauty than my clumsy bloodshot cones and rods can decipher and ill smile at the clouds because that one looks like a little fluffy dog and that one looks like a windmill and that one is a flower....

Tomorrow ill realize none of the past 17 years holds near the amount of cosmic significance I give it credit for because the universe had that **** planned out like the normandy invasion and I just happened to be sitting on the wrong side of the atlantic wall.
The point is that we are more than me and you and him and her and a state and a species we are the universe and the universe is more than anything the gentle shocks in my cortex can fathom,
And that alone forces air into my lungs.

Somehow when she says "I love you" I picture her there,
Lying with the cosmos,
Pure bliss,
That same smile on her liqour lips

When she sings I get lost in a haze,
I feel the vibrations,
Hear her laughter in the sound waves,
I think if things are no different
Things would be no different.


Liquid love,
In one form or another,
Im pretty sure at this point shes a professional,
Shes got it down to a science precise down to the decimal,
Spite without a bite cant **** a toothless animal.

I think that somewhere in our past there is something tying us together, maybe you were my wife in the holocaust and as we were ripped apart one final time in front of the auchwitz gates I shouted "WEAR WHITE SHOES SO I KNOW ITS YOU",
Or maybe even better,
Maybe you were english royalty and I an irish farmer and every day id see you on my way to market and offer you a smile that you still remember.
Maybe when the atoms that make us up came together they couldnt all fit into one body, so they decided two bodies in different places with unique experiences that can come together to strengthen each other and help each other grow is the ideal use of their conundrum.
But maybe im just rambling....

It started off inocent enough,
As it always does;
You examined my hands,
"You have nice palms"
You said in that sweet singsong voice you use when you dont want to wake my mother,
Your head rested on my chest while we watched a rock documentary about Janis Joplin.
Eventually there were other sleepless nights spent rubbing thighs, elbows, lips, and every crevice of you I ever wanted to explore.
You never wanted to smoke but wanted me to,
I always felt bad but you never mind when my mouth tastes like ****,
I remember once my neck was buried in your neck, and your scent brought a beat to my brain and music to my mind and all I could think was "I want this forever"
For some reason though I think youll just do this for a while and get bored, maybe make some art about it, who knows you usually do, I just wish you meant it when you tell me you love me, for some reason I cant see it, you have everyone on your heels and now after all this time of telling me " just friends, this should be platonic" you just decide that im good enough to be the choice now?
How do you expect me to believe that you love me when you have always told me that love was fake anyway?

THE REASON WHY MOST OF MY ART IS ABOUT you IS BECAUSE THE ONLY INSPIRATION I DRAW COMES FROM your BOUNCY CURLS AND HAIR AS MESSY AS your THOUGHT PROCESS. you MAKE ME WARM WHERE IN MOST CASES IM PURPLE WITH COLD AND NUMB TO THE BONE. I MAKE ART ABOUT you BECAUSE I KNOW ONE DAY you WILL LEAVE ME. ALL I WILL HAVE IS THE ART THEN, IN ART youARE PERMANENT IN ART I CAN COME CLOSE TO FEELING THE MOMENTS WHERE you LOVED ME AGAIN. BUT MY POEMS ARE SAD BECAUSE I FEAR you NEVER loved ME AND POETRY IS MY ONLY FORM OF STABILITY.

She is those hard rimmed glasses,
She is those soft brown eyes,
She is the music In my head,
She is shrimp fried rice,
She is "all is fixed with love"
She is "baby be nice",
She is a flower in a glass of *****,
Her pedals serve as ice.


She is the spring clovers and clear skies,
Shes all my "I love you too"'s and "I wonder why"s
Shes flea market romance and eyes open wide,
She is frequent trips to waffle house late, late at night,



Some day shell leave me broken,
Shes not something I have hope in,
I just cannot lay to rest, the emotions shes awoken, an unintentional temptress shes tempts with subtle hints,  shell prolly never know I sat down and wrote her this.