When I think of the ocean,
I think of the word "drown".
When I hear the word plane,
I see "crash".
When I'm on rooftops,
I feel, "fall".
When I see sharp things,
I hear, "stab".

Birds might peck me.
Cars might hit me down the road.
Metals can conduct electricity.
Words can betray people.
Actions will ****.

Dark corners reminded me
Of shadows and demons
That I keep;
My closet holds more
Skeletons than I could count;
I can't help thinking
We are going to end.
So when you keep saying you love me,
All I'm really hearing was "destroy".

I.
The first time I tasted alcohol, I thought that it reminded me of you and how it burned my throat and left a firy tang on my tongue that can only be resolved by drinking more.

And by the end of the night, I was drunk enough to be aware of nothing but you.

II.
But on days I crave awakeness, you reminded of me caffeine. Wherein just the mere mention of your name shoots up my nerves; awakes my brain, keeping me alive, tingling and insane.

And by every wake of dawn, I only know that I am craving nothing but you.

III.
Oh but **** it. Be what you want to be. **** my senses, wake it; either way, I know I'll be ******.

Because either way, my love, all I really wanted was to drink you up.

I'm not trying to romanticize something that is not there. The truth is, I don't even remember half of the conversations we had. I don't recall the feeling that came along when I'm talking to you. Was I happy? Was I sad? Did I even feel something? But then there's this space thudding in my chest, forming in my gut and it says that I miss you. I don't know why. I don't know how. I just do. It just seems like the missing puzzle piece in me is screaming. And it's screaming you.

I wanted to move on, too.
We both have been there, haven't we?
Got out hearts dropped, stomped on.
I know we're both afraid but
You know I know you see it, too.
Go on, don't be scared.
You get the gasoline,
I'll grab the matches.
Start the fire and
"All you there!
See us burn."

I am no longer the
Steady thrum of heartbeats
When issues against women are
Comically displayed on televisions.
Like there's something to
Laugh, guffaw, snicker, snort--
Tell you what, I can name a little
Too many synonymous words
And I can slap them all to your face, too.

I am no longer a suppressed voice,
Unable to tell you and all the other people
That as a girl (and a woman, later),
I have the right to be here.
I have the same rights to life,
To be alive, to be secure,
To have a good life!
And yet, you, who calls yourself a
Man of power, tells me,
"You are nothing."

I am angry with the absurdity
Of it all. Men continuing to abuse,
Women constantly cowering down--
Why are you so intent on showing power
When you are not God?
Why are you so afraid of fighting
For yourself?

I am seething with rage
For those who refuse to accept
Feminism just for the reason
That they do not want to be labeled--
Well, guess what? They have already
Shoved you underneath Weak and Submissive.
Who taught you that you are born
To impress men?
Who taught you that you only exist
To please them?

I will not have any of that ****.
I am a person of my own.
I am a human being, with rights.
And I AM FIGHTING to have
The same rights as you do.
Whoever told you that that's
Never gonna happen, can shove it up
Their *****.

I will not sit still on my chair while
The next police officer
Asks "Well, what were you wearing?"
To the next **** victim.
You and I both know that is not
The issue here.
No girl should hung their head in shame
That they got touched without consent.
It's not their fault! No one
Deserves to be *****.
And no, it's not snuggling, for you who
Even thought **** jokes on t-shirts
Are funny. It's not.

I am for Gender Equality.
For both men and women,
Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender,
To be treated with equal respect.
With equal opportunities.
With equality.
With no judgment.
Why must you counter that?

Look, I've been sitting in that same chair
For too long while issues spread and get
Larger like the plague.
I thought, let them handle it.
I thought, a small voice would be of no help.
But when did sitting down and staring
Get people somewhere?
When did any of passivity help us?

We already have everything to lose
So why not fight?
Bruce Banner told the other avengers
The secret of Hulk.
And I tell you the same:
Get angry.
Smash inequality.
I will always be right behind you.

What stands between us is time.
Schedules, plans, events--
Every second, every minute, every hour
We are travelling apart.
I think of you when my time is
No longer occupied
But isn't it that I'm supposed to
Think of you all the time?

What stands between us is distance.
You are a hundred miles above sea level
And I am already drowning below.
By time you jump off the sea to save me,
(Will you? Will you?)
The ocean has already wrapped its arms
Around me and yet they say,
Distance does not matter.

What stands between us is fear.
I say to the mirror,
I love you.
I say to the mirror,
But I'm afraid we're not working out.

What stands between us is them.
A girl smiles, a guy winks.
That lab partner has accidentally
Brushed your arm,
And he held my stare for too long.
"You know he'll eventually find someone there, right?"
"You know someone will eventually whisk her away, right?"
Eventually. Like we cannot do anything about it.
(We can, though.)

What stands between us is us.
You grin back, I blushed.
Our world was filled with only two pairs of eyes.
Our separate worlds is now invaded with too many.
That hole in our gut that says 'I miss you.'
Has been ignored too often
We mistake it for stress.
We mistake it for something else.
We mistake.

(We can do something
But the thing here is
We probably won't.)

Sitting on the empty stair steps,
Pouring over a thousand of terminologies
In highlighted photocopies of this thick,
Hi.

I know how quiet it is there,
Away from the buzzing sounds
Of the other students in the room.
I know how you have to
Focus, focus, focus
So you chose the spot,
[Maybe absentmindedly? Maybe not?
(Sometimes I wanted to walk straight to you and ask)]
Trying to rack your brains
On what you crammed into it last night.
I know you.
That’s what I’m trying to say.

I know you, not fully, not totally, never enough
And maybe that’s a shame
Or maybe that’s okay
But I see you
More often than not
(It’s not destiny nor fate—just timing and space.)
And I see myself, somehow,
In you that when I pass by, whether up the stairs
Or down,
I can’t help but throw
One last glance,
One last look.
It’s a vague mirror.

I’ve seen the smiles you gave people:
The polite-hello smile,
The you’re-my-friend smile,
The I-know-you-but-I’m-not-sure smile (etc.).
I’ve seen how you walk over the cold tiled floor
Like you can take the world,
Although more humbly and
Without much cruelty.

I’ve seen the happiness in your smile
When people throw you
The look of recognition:
They know you.
You’re the smart one.
You’re the scholar.
You’re the overachiever.
You’re the nice, all-around guy.
You’re  basically, the best.

But I’ve also seen
The split-second of the tiresome day
Weighing down on your eyes.
I’ve seen you stare off space,
Looking like you wanted to run away.
I’ve seen the pressure on your
Blank face for only a second, a minute
That your mask gave away.

I want to tell you something.
I want to tell you the things I can’t tell myself.
I want to tell you the things I wanted to hear
When things spin too fast out of my hand.
I want to tell you, I know.
I want to tell you that sometimes,
It gets low.

And when it gets low
(Because it will get low and I know and I’m sorry),
Hold on, okay?

HOLD ON.

I know you don’t know me
Just as I don’t know you fully
But promise me something, okay?
Promise me, a nameless person,
Speaking to you through a
Typed message on paper,
That you’ll hold on through
The current that’s passing too strong, too fast.
That you’ll move on forward
When it gets haywire and foggy and weird.

Because
I see myself in you,
(Although somewhat lesser)
But unlike me, I know
One day,
You are going to be great.

So hold on,
Move on,
Go straight through
Because if you’ve reached the
Lowest point in your life
And no one puts their faith on you,
Forget them.

Forget them because
This nameless person right here
Knows the truth.

I believe in you
And I hope
You’ll believe in me, too.